Love Can Move Mountains, But Can It Move Domes?

Swarmest Congratulations!

After a completely predictable sequence in which we cut between Barbie and Junior leading a (human) (ish) drone attack on the former Aktaion base on Bird Island and The Resistance strategizing over Christine's schematic that ends exactly how you think it will because you saw Silence Of The Lambs twenty-four years ago. (If you didn't: The Resistance isn't at the house anymore.) While Big Jim watches through his trusty binoculars and walkies updates to Julia ("John to Yoko..." hee!), a furious Barbie orders his minions to burn the house down, which seems extremely wasteful given that it's still full of very useful Aktaion stuff of all sorts starting with FOOD, but anyway. Barbie ALSO relays updates to a redheaded lady -- in his case, that's Christine, who is hysterical: "They could be anywhere!" "Julia and Jim will pay for what they did, Barbie soothes, and when he clicks off, Christine starts this episode's New Crazy Behaviour:

"No -- no not now I'm not ready yet!" Christine cries to the heavens/aliens/Eggs?, which is when Eva runs in to help her to a chair and take a look at her side wound, which has looked better.

As Eva inspects her, the purple geode in Christine's left hand -- remember when that was a thing? -- starts glowing. Christine gets all excited, waving it over Eva's stomach area, and Eva's like, what, because she's not so bright, so Christine has to tell her what the rest of us are yelling while rolling our eyes hard enough to dislocate them:

Can babies, which ruin everything, also ruin this pre-ruined thing? I GUESS WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO FIND OUT.

The Funeral Home!

Turns out Norrie's not having a great time at The Resistance's new hideout because Big Jim's moved them into...a funeral home! (Which is awkward, because her last remaining living parent just died.) Julia finds her to say she's sorry they're there, but Big Jim figured no one would come looking for them there, and APPARENTLY HE'S RIGHT, because even though so many people in town have had their homes destroyed that they were living in tents on the lawn at Town Hall and in dorms inside, no one decided to squat in this very large, pleasant, well-appointed house that DOESN'T ACTUALLY HAVE ANY CORPSES IN IT AT THE MOMENT, you BONEHEADS. BUT SURE, by ALL MEANS: enjoy your BUNKBEDS.

The rest of the conversation is Julia apologizing for almost blowing up Joe and Norrie when she accidentally killed Carolyn, and Norrie forgiving her because it was really Christine's fault, and adding that as horrible as it was to leave her mother, at least she knows that "she didn't die as one of those...things," and also, "If there's any chance to get Barbie back, the real Barbie, you have to take it." Julia:

The latest worst thing to happen to this show is the theory of breaking the drone spell with emotions, because Julia is constantly in a Feelings contest with EVERYONE ELSE.

A bunch of flunkies wheel the one remaining amethyst up to the lawn in front of Town Hall! Junior is proud to tell Christine it was his idea! "We can't afford to let anything happen to it," says Christine!

With one job well done, Junior heads out to kill everyone in The Resistance, but Christine urgently tells him, "Spare Joe!" Junior's not trying to hear that, but Christine tells him, "With only one amethyst remaining, adjustments will have to be made, and I need Joe's help!" And why not? He rigged up a solar panel array in like ten minutes while getting shoved around by bullies! I guess Junior's had a really productive morning because he also rolled by the bomb shelter and found out Sam's not there! Christine tells Junior about the choice she gave Sam to join The Kinship or die with The Resistance! LEAVE THE RECAPPING TO THE PROFESSIONALS, CHRISTINE!

And then the amethyst pulses light and Christine yelps in pain again. HMMMMMM!

For More Information On Amethyst-Powered Alien Engineering, Visit Your Local Library, But-- Wait, Not So Fast!

Norrie and Joe are sitting on the stairs at the funeral home, staring impotently at Christine's doodle like it's sprouted any new information since the last time they looked at it. The first stupid thing in the scene is that Joe tells Norrie, "You don't have to be here if you don't want to be." Oh, word? WHERE SHOULD SHE GO INSTEAD? The second stupid thing is that, even though Joe has no idea what this sketch is supposed to depict, based on how Christine's rendered some lines, Joe's decided that they're "probably oscillating sound waves": "In that cocoon world, I learned how sound can be used as energy. I just don't remember how." Cool! Big Jim, taking a booze break, comes around a corner and suggests that maybe Joe could try doing some research using media that still function: "Ever hear of a library? They're full of these things called 'books.' You read 'em once in a while and they tend to answer your questions." That actually is a good idea, and off they go.

HEY MAYBE BRING THAT THING YOU'RE TRYING TO RESEARCH WITH YOU, YOU DUMBSHITS? UUUUUUUGH I can't wait until they all suffocate.

Righteous Kill

Who called the meeting? Big Jim.

What's it about? Barbie, and Eva, and this "usher in a new generation" business.

How'd it go? Dumb. Big Jim makes the VERY OBVIOUS and SENSIBLE suggestion that a lot of their problems could be easily and efficiently solved: "No Mommy, no Daddy, no baby....What part of 'usher in a new generation' did you not understand?" Julia, who in the last episode was fine with casualties of war, of course draws the line at her precious Barbie, who really could not be doing more to prove that he's just not that into her. Big Jim seems like he's given up hope of that -- "There's no way to reach Barbie, or my son" -- which just makes me wonder what he's hoping to accomplish with The Resistance: is the object for the five remaining true humans just to kill every single other body in the Dome and then...what? Instead of trying to untangle that one, Julia suggests that maybe they just went about their plan to cure Barbie and Junior wrong. She brings up something Norrie said earlier about how much pain Carolyn was in at the end, when she locked back in to her real identity: "What if physical pain suppresses the life force, allowing emotion to overcome it?" "What if you're wrong?" Big Jim counters. "We do it your way," says Julia. Oh, Big Jim. I hope you don't actually believe she means that shit.

Can't You Bee Nice?

Alert Type: Cult Deprogramming Alert.

Issue: As one of just five remaining members of the human resistance to an alien invasion, Julia's made it her project for the day to try to switch one guy -- Barbie, duh -- back to his pre-alien self.

Complicating Factors: Barbie's promised the mother of his baby/larva that he's going to kill Julia today.

Resolution: Julia pretends she believes it when Barbie says he's snapped out of his Kinship fog and meets up with him; when she's hugging him, she shoots him up with a sedative, and she and Big Jim him back to the cabin where he killed her husband (as if anyone remembers or cares about anything that happened three whole weeks ago) and commence torturing him in the hopes of getting the real Barbie to swim through the pain and back to consciousness.

Spoiler: It's going to turn out that Julia smacked Barbie around and shocked him with a car battery a lot for no reason.

The Library At School!

Chester's Mill High School has a library this well-funded, but not...a public library? That you'd think would be even better-appointed, if the means of the local tax base on display at the public school is anything to go by?

At the very least, a public library probably wouldn't have books about the physics of sound anywhere near Art Mag. Next time, don't get the illiterate PA to dress the library set. Anyway: while they're there loading up on sound books, a couple of drones who somehow thought to stake out the library as if any idiot in this town ever reads try to capture Norrie and Joe, but when they run out into the hallway, Sam is there waiting to help them escape because he's totally on their side, no time to explain or prove it!

No One Queen Should Have All That Power

Who's causing a family crisis? Christine.

How? Her "cycle is coming to an end" (I mean, looking at her, I would think this lady's "cycle" hasn't been a factor for a while?).

Which relatives have a problem with it? Junior, who thought Christine was his "mate," and he could maybe be forgiven for this impression given that Christine's just finished having him bone her for the oxytocin boost and cause her wound to (mostly) heal.

Who's an unlikely ally? Junior, who gets on board when Christine explains that, the way she sees it, Junior's not supposed to have just one mate -- he's meant to have many, and she'll help him pick out his next one.

Spoiler: Christine's into some really messed-up shit.

This Guy's The Bad Guy (?)

When Norrie and Joe bring Sam back to the funeral home, Hunter tells them he's been looking around in the file Lily sent him, because Aktaion has magic laptops that hold a charge indefinitely. Turns out even though everyone thought Barbie's now-dead dad was in charge at Aktaion, it's actually secretly been that guy Hektor we haven't seen, heard about, or thought of since the season premiere. "Why would he hide his involvement?" asks Sam. "Maybe because, from what I can tell, the government has their hand so far up him he's a Muppet," suggests Hunter. "A rich, powerful, and very bad Muppet." First of all, "bad" how? Don't worry about it. Second, it's been so long since this guy's even been on this show, so who cares? Also, since when does anyone inside the Dome need to worry about what "the government" is doing? The government's never done shit for Domies!

Barbie vs. Julia

Julia has to take a torture break to go outside and cry, but she's interrupted when she hears Indy -- whom she's tied, with the thinnest piece of twine in the entire Dome, to a stove in the cabin -- barking like crazy. When she goes back inside, she sees the chair she'd tied Barbie to all smashed up (how did she not hear that happen? Quick, Joe, find us the answer in The Truth Hertz!), and takes way too long to realize Barbie's behind the door waiting to ambush her. They struggle on the floor for a while until Indy -- miraculously! -- breaks his restraint and goes after Barbie, just like Big Jim had told Julia he would (Indy not being a fan of drones -- not even special ones like Barbie). Indy clamps down on Barbie hard enough for Julia to get to her feet and take off, and Barbie eventually follows, but not before this happens.

Dude, do what you want to Julia. You don't kick a good doggie in the face.

Winner: Indy.

The Crazy-Ass Midwife Of Chester's Mill

This Guy's Also A Bad Guy

Joe shows Sam Christine's doodle and tells him all about his sound wave theory. Joe hasn't done anything to try to verify Sam's claim that he's not part of The Kinship, so of course this is where we find out that Sam, in fact, is part of The Kinship.

We already know that Christine's not going to kill Joe, so even if you were concerned about that possibility for some reason, you don't need to. But while we're here: maybe let's think about coming up with some kind of test for identifying Kinshippers? Talk a bunch of shit about Christine and see if they get mad? OR SOMETHING?

Hunter parlays an attempt to cheer up Norrie about her dead mom into a discussion about his love life, mentioning a girl in Zenith: "I'm gonna ask her to dance!" "Just to dance?" asks Norrie. "For your information, everything down there still works, thank you very much!" he tells her. So in the middle of being in constant mortal fear, you took a few minutes to try jerking it? NEAT.

Hunter and Norrie then come back to the living room (or whatever) to find Sam and Joe both missing! And then Norrie finds a bloody...thing! Uh oh!

Big Jim's just killed Eva's palace guards and is loitering around her new B&B-looking bedroom when she comes out of nowhere and attacks him, making sure to pepper her assault with weird remarks so we don't forget what her deal is now -- to wit, "I could smell you from a mile away" and "You made a mistake coming here, old man: I'm fighting for two!" Big Jim picks her up, slams her into a bookshelf, and drops her on the floor -- because who doesn't like seeing a pregnant character violently assaulted? That's fun, right? -- and growls, "That's for calling me old." He makes like he's going to come after her more, but she lets out a crazy scream and Christine and a bunch of drones come running to the rescue. "Whatever's happening to me, I'm stronger. I'm faster." Christine tells the attendant drones, "Let Big Jim think he's getting away" -- by...letting him get away? That'll probably do it! -- and turns her attention to the Queen carrier: "We can't wait another minute to get you and your baby to safety!"

Julia's still running from Barbie, who's yelling her name, like, I'm not sure even Julia is dumb enough to respond to that? She finds herself on a road and sees Barbie slowly walking toward her! She draws her gun at him! He flicks his knife!

Harriet opens the door of a barn to let Eva in/creep her the fuck out, because even though Eva's now a special alien, she's not that alien, I guess? I kind of don't understand where the original body's owner leaves off and the inhabitant takes over, and neither does the show? Anyway, inside this barn is a total cult scene, starring the fertile women Christine ordered. "What are they all here for?" Eva asks cautiously. "Your child!" says Christine. "The future queen!" Christine starts to go in to participate in...whatever this is, but Junior stops her, having noticed that Charlotte, the girl he picked out to be his next mate, is there! Christine tells him, "She came to me!" and adds, "She won't feel a thing!" Yeah, Junior, if her torment is almost over, you should be happy for her! YOU AND I STILL HAVE NO ESCAPE!

Big Jim goes back to the cabin but finds it empty!

Then Big Jim goes back to the funeral home to report that Julia and Indy are missing! He learns that Joe and Sam are missing too! BIG JIM IS SUSPICIOUS ABOUT SAM!

As we know he should be: Sam fireman-carries Joe back to Christine!

Big Jim's about to take off with Norrie and Hunter when he sees a literal mob of literal torch-wielding villagers outside! "This is where we make our stand," he announces. I don't know how much "our" it's going to be with these two idiots, but good luck?

And then Julia and Barbie are confronting each other! Again! Barbie puts his knife away and dares her to shoot him; of course she can't, and when he gets close enough that the barrel's practically touching his forehead, he startles her by yelling and grabs it from her! He then grabs her throat, because that's fun, right? But it's still romantic! Apparently! "I love you," Julia chokes. "All I've done is love you since the moment we met." Barbie starts to waver, but recovers himself and cocks her gun! "If there is anything left of the real Barbie in there," Julia starts, and then pounces on his face! He kisses her back for a moment, but then breaks off and starts panting crazily! "...Julia?" he gasps. "I'm right here, come back to me!" she cries, while HIS HAND IS STILL ON HER NECK BTW!

And then he does, because just like all of us, Julia's best kiss starts with a man pulling him to her by the throat! Man, Julia, I know your options for love are limited inside the Dome, but maybe try to find someone who doesn't run so hot and cold?!