Spelunking The Dome

Barbie: Into Darkness

Skipping over everything in the cold open that's just characters telling each other shit that we in the audience ALREADY KNOW brings us back to the lip of the chasm, where Barbie, Julia, and Rebecca are trying to science some intel about it. Barbie drops a flare into it; it seems to wink out of existence just like Barbie saw Sam do, which may be why they don't hear it land; Rebecca's laser pointer doesn't hit anything on the other side, and also her compass is spinning in all directions. How is this possible? "The same way the Dome is possible," grunts Barbie. YES, EXACTLY: IN THE SENSE THAT LITERALLY ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN WHICH IS WHY THERE ARE NO STAKES IN THIS SHOW. Anyway, Barbie and Julia have just come from telling Junior that Sam killed Angie and also that he stepped off the edge and "died" (or instantly ceased to exist as far as they know, MAYBE), and Junior didn't take either piece of news very well, so Barbie has decided that the only way to convince Junior that they weren't lying to him is to show him the body with the scratch marks on it, so he's going to rappel down into the apparently bottomless chasm and bring it back up, because why wouldn't he? Unfortunately for Barbie, the chasm that has seemingly opened up in the time since the gigantic Dome mysteriously descended on the town and started causing inexplicable supernatural things to start happening ALSO doesn't behave in the way most caves do -- specifically, it seems to pull him in. Its force is so strong, in fact, that it yanks the anchors out of the cave wall. Julia grabs them and somehow has the strength to hold this probably pretty heavy dude EVEN AGAINST THE OTHERWORLDLY POWER THAT IS PULLING ON HIM and tells Barbie to climb up, but he refuses to let her and Rebecca get pulled in even though honestly this show could lose all three and be just fine. With Julia screaming at him not to, Barbie cuts the rope with his knife and disappears just like every other thing that's dropped or fallen into the abyss has done, and not even Julia's vocal fry screech can bring Barbie back. Eh, what are you gonna do.

The Dome Dynasty

Junior and Melanie are in the diner discussing Sam; Melanie's recollection of Sam as a teenager was that he was "sweet and kind and always smiling" though now she thinks "there's something so much darker in him," and as she says this I realize that what seems off about her face is that she looks like she needs glasses but temporarily misplaced them...check her out next week and see if you agree. Anyway, Junior not especially quietly asks, "How could my own uncle murder Angie?" and then suddenly Big Jim stands up from a table behind him and literally he is two feet away, like there is no way EVEN JUNIOR didn't know Big Jim was there, Jesus Christ, this show. Obviously, Big Jim is quite interested in this new info about Sam, and Melanie's like, I guess I will get the hell out of here right now, and Big Jim sits down to start shit-talking Sam and how he wasn't as strong as Junior or Big Jim are; they can give the town what it needs. Junior doesn't really care what the town needs (in which case maybe he should resign from the sheriff's department, such as it is?), but Big Jim insists that he has to, now more than ever: "The Dome chose me, and you're my son!" But as interested as Big Jim seems to be in his self-imposed status as Domeperor, Junior doesn't want to be Prince Dome, and snits, "Why do you always have to make everything about you?" Not sure how Junior got to be twenty-something years old and still manages to find this defect in Big Jim's personality a surprise? But whatever: if the Dome really did anoint Big Jim as its avatar, I hope for everyone's sake it isn't counting on that power getting passed on to the next generation, because Junior The Little Bitch isn't having it!

Tunnel Bore

You know how all of last week was about checking out this tunnel that started with the school basement and then turned into what seemed to be a natural cave formation and people who went in it who'd lived in the town for a while, like Sam and Rebecca, were like, "Sure, here's a tunnel, what?" I mean, she was like, "It could be part of the old concrete factory" until she found some plans (??) and decided it wasn't, but you know, no one said anything like "Where the fuck did this even come from, I am very familiar with the school basement and this has never been part of it!" Well, now according to Joe, the tunnel is brand-new. SEEMS LIKE SOMETHING THAT MIGHT HAVE COME UP IN THE LAST EPISODE, BUT WHAT DO I KNOW.

Domelusions Of Grandeur

Alert Type: Potential Dictator Alert.

Issue: As far as Julia and Rebecca know, Barbie is dead.

Complicating Factors: If Big Jim finds this out, he will take advantage of Barbie's absence to seize power.

Resolution: Julia and Rebecca decide not to tell anyone about Barbie until Julia's figured out how to convey it in one of her patented alarm-raising addresses to the town; when Big Jim shows up at the school to talk to Barbie about Sam -- mere seconds after Rebecca and Julia have come up from the tunnel -- they act like Barbie's still down there and sent them out because he didn't want the unstable tunnel to collapse and crush them.

Spoiler: Big Jim waits outside the school, sees Rebecca leave but not Barbie, breaks into her house to menace her, and pretty easily gets her to spill the whole thing. Science loses again.

Getting The Gang Back Together

Situation: Barbie having returned to Zenith -- and apparently very conveniently remembered to put the key to the apartment he had no reason to think he'd ever see again in his pocket before he went spelunking in the Dome, because he uses it to let himself in -- he is immediately set upon by thugs in his old crew of shadiness, I guess because spending the past seventeen days sitting on his apartment was a good use of their time.

What Makes It Awkward? They still want him to do a job targeting a local concern called Aktaion Energy; when he requests a day to "get organized" (he tells them he's been under the Dome, but they don't believe him, even though they know Barbie's last job was for Maxine and none of them seems to have realized they haven't heard from HER in the past two-plus weeks either), the head heavy, Rick, refuses.

How is order restored? Barbie and this other goon Miguel run across the giantest lawn any of us has ever seen, looking menacing as hell and with their guns drawn, at, like, noon.

They creep up to the door, Barbie expositing that the owner of Aktaion Energy lives there. Barbie punches in a code on the alarm panel, which sets off a siren and attracts the Aktaion guy's worthless security guard who didn't see Barbie and this other dude running across what was basically a football field, in broad daylight. Barbie punches out his supposed colleague, and then the Aktaion owner comes out. Barbie: "Hi, Dad." OH COME ON.

More Like Nadir

How convenient that the bottomless chasm drops Sam and Barbie in Zenith, the only place either of them needs to go -- Sam because it's where Pauline, since faking her death because she knew the Dome was coming down and figured "the Dome would follow [her]" (sure, why not) is living now -- at the local mental hospital, but not as a patient: she teaches Art Therapy! Twist!; and Barbie because it's where he apparently grew up and was living before he got mixed up with Maxine! Also Lyle, but we'll get to him.

When Is Lens Flare Not Lens Flare?

Today I was given a unique opportunity to be present for a story that hasn't been getting a lot of coverage by our non-existent news media, even though it would probably be of interest to a lot of residents of the Chester's Mill Dome: the apparently bottomless chasm that's opened up underneath the school sometime in the last two weeks. At great peril to myself, I descended into the chasm, sending visual information back to people safely away from the edge -- primarily of a rock face -- before the signal was lost.

Though some naysayers with me assumed that I had failed in my duties, closer inspection of the footage I gathered, when it was slowed down and advanced frame by frame, showed that it had not ended in a simple flash of light as the signal went dead: instead, it showed images of a playground, and in the background, a certain very familiar obelisk. Best of all, it proved that my very dangerous mission ended fruitfully, at least for me: I have escaped the Dome and can continue a very prosperous existence in Zenith, U.S.A.! Sucks to be you, Domers!

For the Idiot Scooby Gang, I'm The Bullshit Drone Joe Made When He Was President Of The School's Robotics Club.

Barbie and his dad, Don, have a drink and exposit about their troubled relationship, including the fact that they haven't seen each other in more than two years even though they live in the same rather small city and it seems like they would just by chance if nothing else! Apparently, things ended between the two of them when Barbie's mom died, though it's still so painful that neither of them gets really specific about what happened to her, besides which on this show she could be anywhere and come back any time! Anyway: Barbie sabotaged his gang's mission and set off the panic code on the alarm because even though he's not his dad's biggest fan, he needs a favour!

Pauline brings Sam to see Lyle -- remember him? He was found in the middle of town without any ID; all he does is stare at a picture of the obelisk, repeating Melanie's name over and over again, and he doesn't recognize Sam or Pauline. Also no one knows he was inside the Dome. Sam figures something happened to Lyle/Lyle's brain when he went over the cliff...but Sam did the same thing as far as we know, and Pauline observes, he's okay. Other than trying to kill her son based on her prophetic artwork: sure! When Pauline says he couldn't be talking about their Melanie (which, why? If Lyle suddenly went crazy, might he not have obsessive thoughts about a person he saw die in front of him?), but anyway, then Sam tells Pauline some stuff we all already know and you know how I feel about that!

Barbie wants Don to help him get into the Dome; he has a message for someone inside, but he won't say who! There's more talk of Mom and how Don pulled strings to end Barbie's Army deployment early to get him home, at Mom's request! She wanted to say goodbye! Barbie cries, crabbily, and then begs Don to help him!

Junior and Melanie (and Egg) go to the school, where somehow Joe just happens to be chilling right under the locker like he knew they were coming! There's something they need to see!

A horrified Rebecca watches in horror as Big Jim leads a memorial service for Barbie, aggrandizing himself as a spiritual leader in the process! Remember how that was a thing like five episodes ago? It's back!

Barbie's going to stay over! Don has figured out the person inside the Dome is a lady Barbie likes because Barbie is so different that Don can tell love changed him! Don will do Barbie's favour: "I understand what it feels like to be separated from the woman you love"! EYE-ROLL x 1,000,000!

When Joe brings Junior and Melanie to the chasm edge, the egg starts glowing and shoots pink stars into the abyss, including another pink star hologram of the obelisk! From this, they surmise that there could be a way out of the Dome and that Barbie could therefore be alive! "If he found a way out, maybe he'll find a way back!" WHY WOULD HE?! LIKE MAYBE HE WOULD TELL SOME AUTHORITIES INSTEAD?!??!?!?

Sam and Pauline chat next to another piece of her (we assume) prophetic (we assume) artwork (I guess?)!

And then Barbie and Don walk companionably through some woods PAST THE VERY SAME DOOR WE JUST SAW IN PAULINE'S ART! I assume this is where Don had his wife BURIED ALIVE?!!!???!!?!?