Barneys Windows, Blue Marilyns, And Caroling To Hotel Maids: Let's Rank The Will & Grace Christmas Episodes!

As you will know if you listen to the Extra Hot Great podcast, I recently discovered that second- (generous) tier cable network WeTV airs three hours of Will & Grace daily starting, in my time zone, at 2 PM — the perfect scheduling for a work-at-homer who uses the TV on her desk as a radio to keep her company while working. In addition to the show's regular weekday rock block on WeTV, we also get several more hours after that on Tuesdays, as well as another Binge-a-Thon (as the network calls it) on Saturdays, and then there's its inclusion in Logo's "Sitcom Therapy," so...long story short, I have been watching hours of Will & Grace every day for the past several weeks, including about nine hours of it just this past Saturday because I have a rich and full life. (Give me a break, I've been sick.) (...But I probably wouldn't have done anything different if I'd been well.)

Since it's the holiday season, and since there's never a wrong time to make irrevocable judgments, let's look at a very particular set of Will & Grace episodes: the ones set at Christmas. Normally we'd say we're counting them down from worst to first, but since they're all pretty enjoyable, let's just call it fifth to first (because did you know that even though the show ran for eight seasons, it waited until its fourth season to start addressing Christmas? It's true!).

5. Christmas Break (Season 7)

Time was, every multicam sitcom worth its salt had a pivotal character you never ever saw — your Veras, your Marises. For a while, Will & Grace had three: Stan, obviously, but also his son and daughter, Mason and Olivia. Then "Christmas Break" had to go and ruin it by not just having us meet Olivia but letting her be played by Hallee Hirsh, who'd already helped ruin the last hours of Mark Greene's life on ER replacing the girl who originally played his daughter Rachel and being a whiny teenaged pill. But regardless of who was playing her, making Olivia the linchpin of Karen's storyline for the holiday episode was a bad idea: we've never met her before, so what do we care if she and Karen get along? (Exception: the scene where Karen "runs into" Olivia and her friends at the mall and has to choke back barf pretending she ever shops at Zales or The Limited.) Better by far is the plotline in which Grace and Will conspire to conceal an extremely grave crime she committed against Will's mother, Marilyn: accidentally breaking a beloved Lladró figurine called "The Bashful Geisha," which Grace can't even replace because the company stopped making it when Japanese-Americans picketed the factory. Marilyn is — as ever — the picture of sunny WASP passive-aggression, trapping Grace into admitting what Marilyn has obviously known all along. Love her.

4. Fanilow (Season 6)

Grace is momentarily relieved to be excused from a dreaded Hanukkah visit with her mother, Bobbie, until Will makes her hold his place in line for Barry Manilow tickets and she spots Bobbie having a raucous lunch with Jack. Can it possibly be that she's jealous of Jack and misses her mother? Spoiler: yes. Sara Gilbert, as Head Fanilow, gets some funny moments being deadpanly disgusted by Grace and her "better him than me" mantra of denial; so does Megan Mullally, letting herself be won over by Manilow music as she takes over Will's spot. But the sharpest storyline involves Will dismissing a dumpy guy -- the late Chris Penn -- who hits on him at a shitty sandwich shop, only to have to backpedal furiously when he discovers that the guy is Barry Manilow's tour manager. The show was always smart and funny dealing with the superficial narcissism of gay culture (the multi-episode arc involving Jack and Will's makeover of Karen's cousin Barry was especially good), but always with a light touch, which is also true here, as the closing credits segment finds Will singing the "American Bandstand" theme with Barry himself.

3. All About Christmas Eve (Season 5)

This episode falls shortly after Grace's marriage to Leo, and deals with the changes that her new status has wrought on her friendship with Will: in this case, the issue is that she has tickets to The Nutcracker, and keeps reneging on her invitation to Will when Leo ends up being available, then not, then available again. Is Will going to be okay being Grace's fallback? Is Leo going to learn when Grace needs time with Will? If this storyline sounds boring, that's because it is. The reason the episode is ranked in the middle of the pack is for the supposed B-plot: Karen has decided to spend the holidays, in a robe, in her palatial hotel suite, creating flimsy pretexts for various hotel staffers to come up so that she and her guests can sing Christmas carols at them. I love my family and everything, but spending Christmas comfortable, cozy, with access to room service and without any obligations sounds like kind of the best thing ever.

2. Jingle Balls (Season 4)

While Will is busy being hideously embarrassed by his new ballet-dancer boyfriend Robert, Jack manages to convince his Barneys boss Dorleen to let him decorate one of the store's famous Christmas windows. He, of course, is in way over his head and too dumb to realize he should either suggest Grace for it or at least ask her to help him, and doesn't realize how far out of his depth he is until he presents his idea to Dorleen. Of course, "idea" is a strong word for "Karen in a sexy Santa costume with a whip, representing 'Naughty.'" Grace then overhears Jack praying to Santa and decides she can't be so spiteful as to let him fail when she has the power to save him, and she secretly redoes the window for him, to Dorleen's satisfaction. Jack being Jack, he's still pretty sure it's Santa who answered his prayer. A little corny for this show, but if you can't be corny at Christmas, when can you?

1. A Little Christmas Queer (Season 8)

The show's last Christmas episode is also the most fun by far, as the gang goes to spend Christmas at Marilyn's. Karen is particularly hilarious trying to divine the secret ingredient in her hostess's signature cocktail, the Blue Marilyn, and appraising the various pieces of candy jewellery sported by Will's adorable niece, Casey. But the main event is Will's nephew, Jordy. Will preps his friends to meet Jordy by saying that he's pretty sure Jordy is gay, and when we meet him, we are pretty sure Will is right. (I don't know where they found this kid, but he is magic.) Jordy wants to entertain the party with a Christmas-themed cabaret act, but Will, remembering how Marilyn tried to suppress such interests in a young Will, dissuades him, until Jack shames Will into encouraging him. Of course, Marilyn is D-E-lighted by Jordy's performance, and Will is jealous that she couldn't treat him the same way when he was a kid. It's always fun when Will lets his neuroses out, and he and Blythe Danner, who plays Marilyn, are great scene partners. The only knock on the episode is that Jordy and Casey belong to Will's brother Sam, a character Grace slept with back in Season 1, when he was played by John Slattery; here, he's been replaced by Steven Weber, who's normally fine (Ricky Sargulesh!), but...there's no universe where going from Slattery to Weber isn't a downgrade.