Screens: ABC

Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s Colonel Talbot Has A Secret

(Spoiler: it's a lip wig.)

Tara Ariano
 

As seriously as I take my vocation as your Wig Cop -- which, for the record, is extremely seriously -- it's just not possible for me to walk all of TV's beats. For this reason, I rely on reports from the active, engaged TV citizenry to alert me when a tonsorial situation has arisen of which you feel I need to be informed -- hence my slogan, "If You See Bad Fake Hair, Say 'Bad Fake Hair'!" And a number of you, last night and this morning, have drawn my attention to something that, while it hasn't specifically been addressed in this space before, certainly does fall under my purview. Does my mandate as Wig Cop also empower me to issue citations as Moustache Cop, you wondered? And the answer is yes. That is why I am issuing an APB on Adrian Pasdar after the latest Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D.

When you see that mess in motion, you realize that it doesn't take a (Lip) Wig Cop like me -- a top graduate of the Wig Police Academy -- to identify it immediately. My Twitter feed blew up with hilarious cracks at its expense.

https://twitter.com/nsfinch/statuses/456253025284550656

https://twitter.com/hedofthebloom/statuses/456457139385430016

Did Pasdar get the call to star as Colonel Talbot on a day's notice, rendering him unable to grow a real moustache in time? Is he such a diva that he refused to disfigure his beautiful face, in its off hours, with an Errol Flynnian affectation? And will we learn in the DVD commentary on the season that Clark Gregg had to shoot his scene to a green screen in order not to crack up at the caterpillars crawling toward each other on his co-star's face?

These are questions I can't answer. All I can tell you is: that shit is fake and embarrassing. Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D., you are officially on notice.

Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D
Tara Ariano