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Arranged Shows The Marital Consequences Of One Partner's Very Real, Non-Fake Sex Strike
Josh tells Meghan she has to get a job before she gets the D; your editors discuss!
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I think I need to start this week with the couple who were the absolute worst because, for maybe the first time ever, it was not Christian and Maria. Josh and Meghan, I don't know how much of your storyline was phonied up for the cameras, but the only idea worse than proposing a sex strike to force your spouse into getting a job is STRAIGHT UP DITCHING YOUR HORMONAL BIRTH CONTROL WHEN YOUR SPOUSE SEX-STRIKES.
I just...don't even know where to begin with how dumb that is. Because I think it's mostly dumb, versus venal. Right? I mean, a MEDICAL RESIDENT who doesn't know that refusing to fuck his wife until she starts bringing some money in, and says it's because he doesn't want to risk an accidental pregnancy when he knows she's on the pill, is either so full of shit his eyes are brown, or intellectually delayed to the extent that he shouldn't drive. Right?
I'm not actually sure who is dumber, because any woman of childbearing age who does take a daily pill -- and, presumably, has been doing so for a while -- knows you can't just skip it on days when you know you're not going to have sex! When Josh "finds" the "evidence" that Meghan's missed a few days' worth of pills, he tries to impress viewers by reminding us, "Being a doctor, I know how these things work." EVERYONE KNOWS HOW THESE THINGS WORK, JOSH, AND IF THEY DON'T THEY SHOULD BE PROHIBITED FROM USING THEM.
Seriously. If they decide to use a backup method just in case-ies, I hope someone reminds him that the condom goes on his penis? Because I wouldn't trust him to know that, since apparently he thinks WE'LL believe he "can't find his toothbrush" (like anyone puts it in a drawer, for chrissakes) instead of that a producer told him to check the bathroom for an unwelcome surprise.
And I hate to harp on this because, as you say, it's so very fake, but again: if Meghan has had enough fertility instruction to have started taking prenatal vitamins, she's been told how to work the Pill. That said: how psyched were Ross and Erica when they took Meghan out for tacos and got the full download on her...uh, lack of a full download? "Hello, Erica, so pleased to meet you for the very first time: allow me to tell you all about how my new husband is making sex conditional on my gainful employment." Erica:
I give both of them credit for letting her finish and not screaming, "EW, DUDE!!1", which is surely what I would have done.
How I wish there had been a GoPro set up so that we could have enjoyed Ross and Erica's car ride home.
Or the ride home of the "gadje" Christian and Peter were talking to so fakely on the boardwalk.
Or that poor waitress taking a Grant from a producer to chat up Christian as though anyone wants to interact with that puss of his in her section. Touching his hair was really a bridge too far given that he basically says himself that it's Scotchgarded.
This was the first time I've felt like I could victim-blame Maria. Not that her rendition of "jealousy" is very convincing -- I would say that she's looking for an excuse to leave, but I don't think his cheating on her 1) would happen or 2) is grounds for an annulment anyway -- but the whole scuffle over his losing his ring was frustrating. If you're going to have a fit over the ONE THING he's done that probably was an innocent mistake, don't back down at least!
Speaking as someone whose spouse actually did lose his wedding ring in the very same ocean, I felt weird being on Christian's side. Should he have taken it off before going in the water OR gotten it fitted if, as Nina said, everyone knows it was too big? Totally. But he's a dumb teenager. Indifferent ring care is one of the top three reasons teenagers shouldn't get married.
I feel like this is a thing TV, scripted and un-, doesn't seem to know or want to acknowledge, which is that almost nobody's wedding band fits properly. My husband is on #2 after two years of marriage. My brother's is on his middle finger. Except for manufactured-drama purposes it's not really A Thing. But of course that's what Maria seizes on, and then the entire distaff side of the family has to file into her cell and say, without saying it, "Just 'forgive' him, nothing changes anyway." That poor wan young lady with the infant all "don't you want one of th...ese...?" killed me.
Oh God, me too. The more we see of the Millers' extended circle of Roma friends, the more I wish all the women could be airlifted out and enrolled at Sarah Lawrence. It's unfortunate that, as Michael and Nina say in a TH, they get stereotyped, but on the other hand, maybe don't suborn female subjugation in the name of your "culture." (And why rent a beach house if all the female members of your party are apparently not allowed to wear swimsuits?)
At least some reality sort of sneaks through in the Roma segments. Nothing about Ragini and Veeral's segments has any truth to it, at all, even incidentally. They might as well be on a game show for how "organic" any of it is. I'm not even convinced they associate with one another when the camera isn't there.
It's remarkable how they keep having the same fight in the same words. "I can't believe you want your sister here!" I can, since that's what happens in your lives in literally every episode. I guess one new thing was the introduction of Veeral: Pube Cop.
I hate you.
I hate him! And I'm not that psyched about her either, but like, does he think she's not aware of her bikini line? Hairy ladies don't tend to want spider legs poking out of their bathing suits any more than anyone wants to see them! But...again: fake.
I would hate him if I thought this weren't scripted teasing, but if he's ever even seen her bikini line, I will eat some hats. The fact is, her response wasn't so much hurt or even annoyance as "I thought I asked for rewrite on this section." Even the Charades was utterly ersatz.
The business around the planning of the trip -- which I noticed shrank down over the course of the episode from "two weeks" to "a long weekend" -- seemed maybe the fakest of all. Based on everything we've seen of Ragini to date, I refuse to believe she cheaps out on hotel accommodations. Her whole thing being worried about what Veeral spent on the trip behind her back just felt like a setup for a "we can't have a baby now because of our money problems!" storyline in the immediate future.
"And also because we couldn't bone because your sister bunked with us!" Read: "We have never boned, will never bone, and have a slightly less cordial relationship than the couple in Green Card." I mean, is it me, or do Veeral's parents consistently look confused at why Ragini is even there? "Who's this hag? ...Oh right."
Yeah, Payel seems like a chore, but at least she and Vivek appear to like each other. Ragini hasn't seemed happier in all the time she's been on TV than when she was at a winery with her female friends, shit-talking her husband.
And that was the happiest I've been watching that "marriage."