We Are The Beach Balls From The Big Brother 15 Promo Shoot

We are the beach balls from the Big Brother 15 promo shoot.

First of all, let us collectively stress something: we are not actually going to be on the show this season. Some of our moms may have seen the photos that were published and thought we had really made some bad decisions in life by agreeing to appear not just on a reality show but on one of the most low-rent competition shows there is, but that's not the case. It was just a one-day modeling gig. Not even the whole day, in fact! And we all went home and took LONG showers.

This is not to throw shade at the beach balls that are going to be on Big Brother this season. Guys, we're all just doing what we've got to do to get by in this business. No judgment. You might get a nice on-camera shot if you're floating in the pool when the houseguests arrive, glistening in the cool, inviting water; that's a sweet look, and if you're one of those beach balls, you should be really proud. Inevitably, you'll be kicked around desultorily in three or four or forty days when those idiots get really bored, and that will be less awesome, but what the hell; you can still put it on your reel. Given the way the contestants treated some of us at the photo shoot, crushing us under their elbows and feet and, in a couple of cases, their butts, we just hope that even worse abuse isn't in store for you. Don't freak out, but there are lots of dark corners in that "house" where people get up to all kinds of freaky shit. We'd suggest that you try to avoid getting pulled into some kind of sex scenario by practicing a beach ball buddy system, but honestly, that...might make matters worse.

Anyway, we can't feel that superior to our on-camera brethren, because we didn't exactly cover ourselves in glory at the shoot. This herd of fameseeking bartenders, boat shop "associates," pageant coordinators, "entrepreneurs" and hobos -- read: dregs of society -- really took liberties with us, but admittedly, we were complicit. When they put the soles of their filthy shoes on us, we propped up their lazy legs. When they wanted to sit on us, we didn't roll away. When one thought it would make a good pose if he held one of us up by putting his fingertips right on our beach ball nipples...we took it. We didn't want it. But we knew what we'd signed up for.

So, yeah, Big Brother starts up again next week. We got to meet all sixteen of the people who'll be on it. And if seeing us (and them) in the photos reminded you to set your DVR for this tawdry affair, we suppose we've done our job effectively. We just don't feel that great about it.

Fortunately, we have a callback next week for a Gap Kids spot, so we don't have time to dwell on this not-so-proud moment in our careers and let it deflate us.