I Am One Of The Machine Gun Helpers From Burn Notice
"I don't know if you heard about that big shootout in Miami yesterday -- you probably didn't, because it was a CIA operation and they're pretty secretive usually -- but there was one, and I was totally a really integral part of it!
"I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but whatever: there was a really bad guy in this warehouse, he'd picked it out specifically because it had sightlines in all directions, and he's got this hostage inside, right, and then this one guy Westen is like, 'Just get your guys to post up in this pink building across the way, shoot the hell out of the warehouse -- I know a way to make sure the hostage gets out of the way,' and my squad commander's like, 'You got it, dude.'
"So this bro Westen, he knows this hostage girl from way back, and he convinces the bad guy Gamble to let him talk to her to prove she's alive, and it seems like Gamble's not going to, so Westen makes like he's just going to take off, and Gamble backs down, and Westen gets on the phone and goes, 'Time to be brave, little angel,' which personally I think is a bit condescending, but I guess it meant something to her, because that was the signal for the squad to just start shooting the HELL out of that warehouse.
"Did the squad take out the bad guy? Uh, HELL YEAH the squad took out the bad guy!
"Ummmm...like, I'm not sure which member of the squad delivered the actual kill shot. I saw the body; Gamble got shot a BUNCH of times, in all different body parts, so it's hard to say.
"Okay, yeah, if you're going to be shitty about it, the reason I keep saying 'the squad' instead of 'me' or 'I' or whatever is because, like, I work with shooters? I'm not personally a shooter. But what I do is super-important. My job is to hold up the shell feed for the machine gun so that the gun just sucks up the shells. If I'm not there, maybe the shooter's weapon jams. That's no good. Maybe then the mission fails. Even worse, right?
"I totally was there! One of the CIA guys took a picture! See that guy? That's my partner, Roberto. And see, look, beside him, holding the belt? That's my hand. Well, what do you think, he wrapped his right hand around his back to hold it up? Come on.
"...Yeah, okay, 'partner' is kind of a strong word. But we work together!
"So like, I mean, I did help take out an international terrorist. Do you want to get out of here or what?
"Yeah, sure, 'maybe next time. Next time I totally waste an enemy of the state!'
"Fine, next time I totally HELP waste an enemy of the state. Geez."