Screens: MTV
Miranda Caught A Catfish Con, And Kept Talking To Him (???)
But now she has doubts, again. Can Nev and Max help her sort it all out?
Miranda, of Owatonna, MN.
James, of Atlanta...or is it Cameryn, of Santa Monica???
After she and Cameryn had been talking for a while, Miranda planned to move to Los Angeles to study fashion, but Cameryn mysteriously couldn't meet/phone died/had a family emergency/had a broken webcam; when she confronted him (she saw a picture of "Cameryn" that was actually tagged "Josh," and showed him at a club in Atlanta), he admitted that he's ACTUALLY James, of Atlanta, and sent her a bunch of new photos of a totally other guy. So: relationship reset! Now she and James only talk on the phone and text, but have never videochatted; she's tried to meet up in person and he's always put her off; but ultimately, of course, the biggest issue is that he has...already been caught in a lie about his identity, so she has no reason not to suspect he's just telling new lies now.
James told Miranda that he made up the Cameryn profile to "escape his reality"; Miranda admits that she is scared of videochatting in case James isn't the person in the photos. We don't get to hear his side of the story, but maybe he also is hesitant about Miranda because of this
and these?
Nev and Max start by searching a couple of the James photos and come up empty. Then they decide to search his full name, and though we don't get to see his last name, it seems like it's probably pretty common because there are a lot of different results from Facebook -- including a dude in Troy, GA, which they seem to think is promising (although I just Googled "troy, ga" to see how far it actually is from Atlanta and apparently there's no such place? I don't know why I'm bothering when I already know nothing comes of this particular James BLEEEEP anyway).
Moving on: time for a straight-up Google search of James Whatever, whereupon they see that one of the autofill options is for "james [whatever] sex offender." What are they going to do, NOT click on it? And that's when we learn that Dino "Starburns" Stamatopoulos has a doppelgänger...
...and that this dude is not a nice man: he was apparently convicted of "traveling to meet minor to commit unlawful sexual offense." Not cool, Starburns. This database they pull up also says that his current status is "Confinement," so Max speculates that maybe James can't meet Miranda because he's incarcerated. Bro, that wasn't the case with Tony and it almost certainly isn't the case with James IF YOUR PRODUCERS HAVE SET YOU THE TASK OF LOOKING INTO IT AND WE ARE NOW WATCHING. Nev:
Very condescendingly, Nev points out that a prison inmate wouldn't have limitless discretionary time to text someone before bed and whenever during the day, god, Max, you're so stupid, it's shocking that YOU weren't the one taken in by a sad mom in Michigan not so very long ago!
Then it's on to Spokeo. While they wait for the results associated with James's phone number to come up, Nev gets really handsy...
...and Max doth protest too much that he wants it to stop...
...which no one buys (and by the way: all of the above is an exact quote, not a joke), and then there's a name! Hang Something! Female! Born in 1970, "so it could easily be the mother of a kid who was born in 1994," Max maths. Which is true...except that while "Cameryn"/Josh might have been twenty...
...James is really not.
When they search Hang Whatever, there are two results in the Pacific Rim...and then one in Georgia, with a son named James.
And this Hang-related James looks like this.
So they have a lot of inconclusive results to share with Miranda, it seems.
Nev and Max meet up with Miranda and a couple of her friends at some sad Owatonna boutique, I guess so that aspiring fashion professional Miranda can do her version of when they walked in on Tracie Thoms just happening to wrap up her vocal rehearsal? Except Miranda decides to buy this sweater...
...and this is what she walked in wearing...
...so, no.
Anyway, they go next door and report what they've found, also known as nothing -- including the part with the sex offender even though EVEN NEV is basically certain that he's not the guy. Miranda considers the panoply of Jameses that it could be, and decides to keep an open mind and let Nev call and try to set up a meeting.
Nev goes outside and calls. James is not so sure he wants to meet Miranda, so Nev goes into guilt mode to try to talk James into it, but James "just [has] a lot going on right now." But when Nev threatens that Miranda will "have to move on" if James doesn't relent, James agrees -- obviously, because we are watching this.
Everyone makes the trek to Marietta, only for James to get cold feet when the meeting day comes; when Nev tries to co-ordinate a location, his phone just goes to voicemail, and they have to go to Miranda's room and tell her the bad news that he's blowing them off. However, some time after Max and Nev return to what is apparently this motel's Honeymoon Suite...
...they get a flurry of texts from James. The upshot: "I'd love to meet Miranda today, but my family is preventing me. As much as I explained and pleaded with them, they won't let me. This has been an ongoing battle since Thursday. I just can't do it -- I can't put my home life in a situation like that." Though the phrase "my home life" makes me think this has to be a married person, a married person wouldn't have tried to explain to or plead with anyone, so it's kind of mystifying phrasing -- but James offers to Skype instead. Max does not care for that solution.
They get Miranda back and tell her the news, which no one is happy about. While Miranda cries, Nev texts James to agree to a Skype date. But before they connect, James texts and requests to speak only to Nev and Max first. Miranda: "Seriously?" Nev hastily directs her to a chair out of sight of his webcam, and she and her extremely stupid outfit move.
That outfit is why you're single, you boob. Anyway, the camera finally sputters to life, and the stupid show cuts to commercial after we get one second of seeing that "James" is not either of the dudes in any of Miranda's photos, and we have to wait four minutes to get a look at Miranda's actual internet boyfriend. Ladies and gentlemen: Gabby.
Miranda cries, quietly. Nev starts in with the probing right away, trying to make Gabby say she's a lesbian even though she's clearly uncomfortable and her family is at least touchy about her sexual identity; her answer to his direct (nosy) question about her sexual orientation is "Well, I just don't know," like, she's just said she's eighteen and her family is obviously conservative so BACK OFF NEV, JESUS. All that said, Gabby is attracted to Miranda as "more than just friends," and created Cameryn and then James out of fear that Miranda wouldn't like Gabby the way she actually is, and Gabby agreed to all this show stuff because she wanted to tell Miranda the truth in a way that wouldn't result in the loss of their friendship. Max tells Gabby she owes it to Miranda to talk to her in person, and Gabby's like, "Sure," and then Nev gets up to let Miranda take his seat in front of the webcam. Miranda kind of smiles, either because she's uncomfortable or because she had suspicions all along that it might end this way; she says hi, and Gabby says, "You're very beautiful," and then Miranda instantly melts.
Miranda repeats the request for an in-person meeting, which Nev says is "generous" of Miranda, considering. Gabby agrees to meet: "That's what you deserve....I just have to, like, find a way to meet you."
Remember how Gabby's family didn't want her to meet Miranda/MTV in person? Well, apparently they didn't change their mind overnight. She sends Miranda et al to some park, and then doesn't show up, texting apologies, letting the phone go to voicemail when they try to call. "I think we're dealing with someone whose problems are a lot deeper and harder to solve than ours," says Max, like, no shit, she's eighteen and could be terrified that if she tries to pursue a relationship with a woman, her family's going to kick her out??? He then congratulates Miranda for "being so adult about this," which is generally a patronizing thing to say about a twenty-one-year-old but maybe not on this show. Miranda asks for a second to be alone and cry, and Max gives her exactly a second (more or less) before rolling up with his slightly larger toy camera to hug her and commiserate. All in all, not a great showing for Team Catfish.
No Gabby, no hug.
One month later: Gabby is remorseful and wants to make things up to Miranda. "I don't know that you'll ever get another chance to meet up with Miranda," Nev sniffs, but Gabby informs him that they're still in contact and have been Snapchatting and FaceTime-ing, so why don't you go ahead and suck on that, Nev? Meanwhile, Miranda has acquired another stupid headband.
Also: "Miranda says she has forgiven Gabby and is ready to move on with her life," which is a weird way to describe her status given what we're about to learn. Nev reports what they just heard from Gabby, adding, "I imagine your conversations are no longer romantic," whereupon Miranda's like, welllllllllll.... Miranda says that things sometimes get a little flirtatious, and that Gabby's actually planning a visit, and Nev gets WAY too titillated by the very idea of two female persons liking each other That Way.
Shut up, Nev.
If someone lied about his identity once, he -- or, as the case may be, she -- will probably lie about it again. Across-the-forehead headbands are still not okay. If you're a girl who's into girls and set your sights on one who seems to be straight, try winning her over by complimenting her a lot. Nev is twelve.