Photo: Giovanni Rufino / USA

Private Doctor Meets Private Investigator

How does this week's Royal Pains score in seven key metrics?

Eddie's Fatherhood Quotient

7

The sudden appearance of Emma in the Hamptons/the Lawsons' lives has brought up painful memories for Eddie of what a shit father he has been to his sons for most of their lives, so even though he legitimately didn't know about Emma's existence, at least he's making a good-faith effort NOW to make it up to her. Teaching her to ride a bike in her later teens is kind of a weird choice, but...he's kind of a weird guy.

Divya's Mommy Blinders

9

I understand that going back to work after having a baby is hard for any mother, but Divya is so unprepared that she can't appreciate the excellent nanny she has in Tilda AND has lost all sensitivity with regard to the havoc she and Sashi are continuing to wreak on Jeremiah's perfectly ordered life. Girl, he's never going to tell you that you're a pain in his ass, so please figure it out and stop being so noisy.

Screens: USA

Paige's Summer Style

6

She's at kind of a disadvantage because (a) the episode only takes place over two days/costume changes, and (b) doesn't include a party of any kind, but she still pulls it out, giving us a couple of casual looks. First, it's an all-shades-of-coral ensemble livened up with a surprising contrast in the form of a chartreuse button earring; then, a simple sleeveless buttondown with interesting accessory choices in the necklace and handbag. Lots of ideas to steal here, which is really what matters.

Patient Wackiness

8

Annie is a classic HankMed patient: her an unusual job (she's a PI) is partly to blame for her medical problems; and, once Hank easily cures her, it turns out that what seemed like a dark plotline -- the seemingly cheating husband is HER OWN! -- is just a wacky misunderstanding. That sexy girl in the too-short sheath dresses isn't his mistress, she's the car customizer he hired to build Annie a new surveillance van for her business! WAH-wah.

Evidence Of Rich Dickitude

5

It's pretty gross that HankMed's other new patient -- a stay-at-home mother of four -- has named her twin sons Judd and Nelson, and it's even grosser when she remorselessly poaches Divya's carefully background-checked nanny. But we've certainly seen worse on this show.

Hank's MacGyverness

4

Meeting Annie on a stakeout at a restaurant, Hank sees another patron collapse, and quickly diagnoses and cures a pneumothorax. It looks impressive -- there's quick cutting with a scalpel, and repurposing a martini-sterilized pen barrel as a medical instrument -- but I've seen it done on ER so many times that I bet I could do it.

Jeremiah's Spectrumosity

3

Though he starts out poorly by returning to the empty bar to work and parking it while ordering nothing but water and the wifi password, he is induced to empathy for waitress Viviana when she confronts him, and is able to adapt to an arrangement she can live with: he'll order food, if she eats it. Later, he can tell Divya wants him to say that she and Sashi don't have to move out, so he tells her, "You could never overstay your welcome" even though WE ALL KNOW SHE ALREADY HAS, JUST GET YOUR OWN PLACE DIVYA, DAMN.

Service To Season Storylines

5

Apparently Hank and Boris haven't totally parted ways; we see Hank leaving Boris a voicemail about the medical study. And we keep learning more about Emma's hole-filled life story, but she's sticking around the Hamptons...for now.