Plenty Of (Cat)Fish

The Client

Mike, of Pensacola, FL.

The Beloved

Caroline, also of Pensacola.

The Clues

Mike has never videochatted with Caroline, whom he met on the dating site Plenty Of Fish; though they have scheduled at least one in-person meet, she apparently got cold feet and fled the area before they actually located each other (and also once sent "a friend" to drive past Mike's and leave a note on his car, and has also taken photos of his workplace that she's sent to him); using the techniques he learned from the show, Mike did an image search on Caroline's photos and found another Facebook profile with way more photos, friends, activity, and a different last name; Caroline stopped talking to him for a few months.

The Excuses

According to Mike, the camera on Caroline's computer is either broken or covered up; she's avoided IRL meetings because she has severe social anxiety; there are two different Caroline Facebook profiles because her parents are divorced and at various times she's used each of their surnames; her online availability was suspended because she's being treated for colon cancer.

The Investigation

Nev and Mike check the more active Caroline Facebook profile (Ledford) for evidence that she might have cancer, of which they find none. They message her to say they think someone's used her photos in a fake profile, as well as a friend who commented on one of Caroline's photos. While they wait to hear back, they get a bit fancy with their sleuthing (since Mike's already done most of the stuff Nev and Max normally do): even though Caroline Ledford, who is pretty obviously the real Caroline, is based in North Carolina, checking the geotagging reveals that Mike's Caroline (Rhodes) uploaded her photos in Pensacola.

Then Caroline's friend Lauren calls, and agrees to videochat, whereupon she informs them that Caroline Ledford definitely lives in North Carolina, definitely is not being treated for cancer, and definitely hasn't ever mentioned a Mike in Florida whom she's been talking to.

The next day, Caroline gets in touch, and hops on a videochat with Max and Nev. She confirms everything Lauren said, and records a message for Mike to let him know (nicely) that she has never had any kind of contact with him.

The Presentation Of Findings

You'd think there wouldn't be much to say after Nev and Max showed Mike the video of the real Caroline disabusing him of all Mike's romantic delusions. But there's more! When they show Mike the information they gleaned from the geotag, they actually pinpoint the location of the fake Caroline to a specific block in Pensacola, to which Mike replies, "You know, she told me where she lived." Nev and Max are like, that's important information we could have used? Mike tells the tale of a time he drove over there and called her, saying he was right outside and that she should come out and meet him, and that she'd refused. HOW ANYTHING ON HIS SIDE PROGRESSED PAST THIS POINT IS BEYOND ME, BUT ANYWAY. Nev says, "You've probably met this person," and Max agrees, "They clearly know who you are at this point." "Who would do that?" Mike asks rhetorically. YEAH, MIKE: WHO? RACK YOUR TINY BRAIN.

So Nev and Max call (Fake) Caroline Rhodes and tell her the jig is up, since they talked to (Real) Caroline Ledford. Fake Caroline agrees to meet -- not at her apartment, but at a local park. And since she and Mike both live in Pensacola, they can do it that very day.

I doubt it?

The Confrontation

Does Caroline Ledford have a secret twin???

Mike knows this girl: her name is Heather, and they had a Plenty Of Fish run-in before. Heather explains that she and some friends created a previous fake profile for a Pensacola girl named Claire, in order to launch a sting operation to try to see if a friend's husband was cheating on her with girls online, and that Mike saw "Claire" and messaged her. Heather started talking to him as Claire, but eventually came clean on the situation and introduced herself, even sending him her real photo: "And you were not very nice." Unfortunately, she was already into him by then.

With a rap like that, is it any wonder that "Caroline Rhodes" was able to hook Mike with nothing but her sparkling conversation? (And three tantalizing photos of a more conventionally attractive stranger -- but hey, Mike's not superficial, riiiiiiiiight?)

Anyway, "Caroline Rhodes" was created for revenge, initially, but she liked Mike for real, and had so much in common with him, so she kept it up. I mean, okay, fine, directly asked by Max, she admits that she never had cancer, but said she did because she could tell Mike was getting frustrated by her unwillingness to meet him and wanted to come up with an excuse that, if he expressed doubts about it at all, would make him look like a real scumbag. But she's baaaaaasically been straight with him.

Also: Heather went to Mike's office multiple times to tell him the truth. Laudable impulse, but also: stalker much?

The Post-Confrontation Confrontation

Max and Nev convince Mike to let Heather come over so they can hash things out. It starts out pretty much as you'd expect, with Max pointing out how diabolically manipulative (I'm paraphrasing) it was for Heather to claim she had cancer, because it basically trapped Mike. She admits that, having lost family members to cancer, it's especially gross of her to pretend she had it for such shady reasons. Then Mike says...his father was recently diagnosed with diabetes? And starts crying? Like, I know diabetes is no fun, but it's manageable, so...guh? I guess the connection is that other people's health problems were taking over Mike's life.

Moving on. Heather told Mike things she's never told anyone. She's happy he doesn't hate her. Mike (pretty nicely, under the circumstances) says she needs help. Max and Nev tell her they've both been in therapy and that it's nothing to be ashamed of. It feels like maybe Heather offered up some kind of stories of self-harm or something that got cut for time, because I don't know what would drive her to therapy other than being a huge liar.

After Heather drives off crying, Nev and Max have a surprise for Mike: it's a videochat with the real Caroline! He flirts. She is nice but noncommittal in the way of polite pretty girls everywhere.

The Aftermath

Heather's only talked to Mike a couple of times. She misses him. She's started a blog that she's about to make public. Mike "has no plans to talk to [Heather] again." He's more cautious about online dating. He's texted Real Caroline "here and there": "We'll see what happens." I'll field this one: nothing.

The Life Lessons Learned

Your online boy- or girlfriend who won't meet after a year and a half even though you live in the same city is hiding something. Your online boy- or girlfriend who won't meet after a year and a half even though you live in the same city does not have cancer. If you go through the same investigative techniques Nev and Max use on the show and turn up something that, if you were watching it on the show, would make you think the subject of the episode is AN OBVIOUS CHUMP, save yourself the public humiliation, give up on your romantic dreams, and just try to pick up a girl at the grocery store instead.