Tracie Thoms Asks Catfish To Light Her Fame Candle

The Client

Tracie Thoms, an L.A.-based actor you may have seen in the Rent movie or Death Proof.

The Target

Sammie, an aspiring writer (I guess?) from outside Philadelphia.

The Clues

Let me preface this one by saying that Tracie Thoms is lucky she's famous; otherwise I have to think she'd never get on even this dumb show because there is pretty much nothing to her story, but HERE GOES: Tracie had this very devoted fan on Twitter named Sammie, who would retweet everything Tracie ever had to promote and create memes and videos and with whom Tracie had a lot of interaction. Through Sammie, Tracie "met" Reese, a friend of Sammie's, who was just as devoted to Tracie. At a certain point, Reese started mentioning drugs she was on to treat an unspecified cancer and hinting around about how she hoped she'd live long enough to meet Tracie. Then one day Sammie DMed Tracie to ask if she'd heard from Reese lately. Tracie didn't answer right away, and the next day Sammie DMed again to say that Reese had died. Sammie then checked in a half-hour later to make sure Tracie was okay with this news...and then shortly after that, Reese faved her own R.I.P. tweet. After Sammie tweeted a photo of herself about to join what was supposedly Reese's funeral procession, Tracie Googled the funeral parlor and called: they'd had nothing to do with any Reese funeral. (It turned out that Sammie had pulled off this trick by filming her cousin's memorial.) Tracie then "innocently" asked Sammie for a Twitpic of Reese's obituary, and that was the very last interaction between them. After doing a little digging, Tracie discovered that another Twitter account, @MarissaCampaign (devoted to an early Glee Project contestant) -- which had told her earlier about a serious health scare Sammie herself had supposedly experienced -- had changed its name to Reese's handle, @TNTsHeart. The next day, Sammie had deleted a bunch of her tweets to or mentioning @TNTsHeart, and the account itself was finally deleted.

The Excuses

None? Tracie pretty much immediately realized that Sammie had created Reese and then killed her to get attention, and that was the end of her relationship with Sammie. AND I GUESS TRACIE KNOWS FROM GETTING ATTENTION.

The Investigation

Well, Nev and Max basically just confirm what Tracie already figured out: Sammie is a real person who's into starting online relationships with marginal celebrities (this Glee Project girl Marissa Von Bleiken; a writer/producer named Lotti that Tracie knows; Nickelodeon star Elizabeth Gillies who didn't sign off on being in the show and had her photos and Twitter handle blurred but who Nev fully outed on his own Twitter during the show and afterward so nice job respecting her wish for privacy, Nev, you fucking dope).

Then, for no real reason other than to make Sammie look like a creep, Max and Nev set up a meeting with Marissa and Lotti to discuss their interactions with various versions of Sammie. Marissa comes with a bundle of physical fan mail, including a love poem Nev reads aloud. This advances the plot...not at all. Though I guess it lets Lotti sit in front of a poster of her movie and reminds the world that Marissa is a person who exists!

The Presentation Of Findings

Max and Nev just HAPPEN to meet back up with Tracie when she just HAPPENS to be winding up a singing rehearsal and we all just HAPPEN to hear the end of her song. OH MY GOD TRACIE IS SUCH A GREAT SINGER is what I'm supposed to say, right? I mean, she is, but Jesus.

After seeing all the evidence Marissa passed on about Sammie's fatal attraction, Tracie still wants to meet Sammie and ask her why she did it all -- obviously, or else why would Tracie have started this in the first place?! They contact Sammie through Facebook; Sammie "reluctantly" agrees to meet; and everyone heads off to Philadelphia.

The Confrontation

The show tries to make us think Sammie's not going to show up because this episode is so boring they have to build suspense somehow, but then...she does. Nev and Max shake hands with Sammie while Tracie hangs back, and then Nev has to be like, well, uh, here's the woman who instigated this encounter in the first place, and Sammie's like, hi? while Tracie very actressishly hugs her crossed arms to her chest and nods silently. I understand that she's leery of Sammie or else none of this would have happened, but she's really leaning into "indicating" (actor term) her apprehension. Like, this is just a sad girl and there are five hundred cameras around you. (a) Nothing is going to happen, but (b) if you were worried she was going to try to Rebecca Schaeffer you, you could have just continued having no contact with her?

Whatever: everyone goes into this coffee shop to talk over what we ALREADY FUCKING KNOW or could have filled in from context clues: Sammie was a lonely kid; she's gay and not really cool with it (or not out to her IRL loved ones) which is why she fixates on female celebrities; she created the fake personas in order to get "double interactions" with her celebrity targets. When Tracie figured everything out, Sammie felt bad. Then Tracie finally gets involved in this conversation, whining about how painful Sammie's deception was, which, like, maybe when you're a famous person -- OR ANYONE -- don't get that emotionally invested in your non-friendships with Twitter people you've never met and probably never would meet?

Since everyone feels weird at this point, Nev suggests breaking off for the time being and picking up the next day. In the car, Tracie comments that Sammie seemed "so guarded," like, maybe because you flew across the country to tell her how mad you are at her? Max observes that Sammie is behaving as though she doesn't realize there are real people on the other side of her starfucking online interactions, as though she should go through her whole online life expecting that a fucking ninth runner-up from The Glee Project might stop by to yell at her about her creepy-ass poetry. "We can help this girl change her life tomorrow," Max declares. I DOUBT IT.

The Post-Confrontation Confrontation

If I'd had any doubt to this point about this entire episode being a showcase for what a good, kind, thoughtful person The Actress Tracie Thoms is, this segment would dispel it. "I just want to listen," says Tracie as they pull up to Sammie's house for Couch Time. "Today I want to listen." All right, Dramatica.

Sammie says she chose to focus her attention on Tracie because Tracie was so supportive that Sammie started to think of her as a big sister. Tracie:

Check out those concerned forehead wrinkles! Tracie's going to remember this moment next time she has to play someone who's REALLY KIND and WORRIED. Anyway, now Tracie understands that Sammie invented Reese because she didn't (and doesn't) have a real best friend, and she tells Sammie that all the people Sammie made "friends" with online liked her for her: "You were enough. You are enough." But like, let's be real for just a second. Tracie liked Sammie because Sammie kissed her ass and made her feel important, and Sammie liked Tracie because Tracie is at a level of fame where she could actually take notice of Sammie. "You're talented, you have a mind that's lovely and amazing," Tracie tells her. And of course Tracie knows: those talents and that mind were put to use in the service of creating memes and videos...for Tracie! Nev tells Sammie to put all that imaginative energy into writing a story...about someone like Sammie. Nev is quite the vocational counsellor.

Sammie realizes that what she did was wrong and she is sorry. Tracie accepts her apology.

Hugs?

There is a hug.

The Aftermath

One month later: "I think the biggest learning moment of that whole thing was probably on her end," says Tracie. UM, I THINK YOU PROBABLY COULD HAVE PICKED UP A TIP OR TWO YOUR OWN SELF, LADY, BUT OKAY. Tracie reiterates how talented Sammie is based on no evidence, and says she hopes to buy Sammie's books one day. (a) There will be no books. (b) I don't hear anything that sounds like these two have had any further contact since the cameras turned off.

Sammie is focusing less on social media and more time outside and with HER SON. She's no longer following Tracie or Lotti. "It was a very good learning experience. I mean, it taught me about myself." Sammie confirms that she's been writing a lot. Oh, word? What? "Kind of like a drama comedy kind of thing." Sounds great.

The Life Lessons Learned

After you kill off a fake Twitterer, maybe sign out of her profile. C-list celebrities sure read and respond to their @-replies, huh.