A List Of Behaviors Displayed By Couples Therapy Participants Ranked By The Egregiousness Of The Character Flaws They Betray

I pity the poor producers of Couples Therapy. Obviously, they couldn't have declined the opportunity to have Doug Hutchison and Courtney Stodden in what was only the show's second season; yeah, they blew their "shocking couple dysfunction" load kind of early in the show's run, but on the other hand, if they'd tried to wait and deploy them later on, Courtney and Doug very well may have broken up. (As I write this, I'm not certain that they haven't.) Regardless: it must have been hard to contemplate topping Doug and Courtney, but I think if you add Real World Gay Porn Dustin and Flavor Flav AND Joe Francis, it adds up to...like, 5/8 of a Doug and Courtney, and that's pretty good.

It's always hard to tell at first who's going to be the grossest, so instead of ranking the actual people, here's a list of things people did, ranked according to the internal rot those things reveal.

1. called a resident counselor "my new housekeeper"
2. ruined everyone's fun on a bowling outing by sulking
3. left the house with sunglasses on top of her head, at night
4. thought that the lightbulb might have been invented by Albert Einstein or Benjamin Franklin
5. creeped out the viewer by staring too intently at an offscreen interviewer with super-intense, Charlie Sheen-esque psycho eyes
6. wore gold grills on both sets of teeth
7. showed up at the therapy house with a moving truck full of his own bedding, furniture, etc.*
8. withheld access to family finances from his fiancée
9. rationalized starring in Flavor Of Love after committing himself to a relationship with his current partner by saying he'd signed a contract
10. said "You're a woman, you're supposed to take care of your man"
11. named a male child Karma
12. ordered his partner to make the bed immediately instead of doing it himself if it was so goddamn important
13. told a couple he just met what a mistake they made by placing their daughter for adoption when they were teenagers
14. further ruined everyone's fun on a bowling outing, when she wasn't getting enough attention merely sulking, by crawling under a table like a two-year-old
15. called his partner away from a mounted camera, to call her a "fucking cunt" for not making the bed on his schedule
16. entered into and stayed in a long-term, committed relationship with Liz, an emotional infant
17. acted so ridiculously childish that I took Flavor Flav's side over hers
18. entered into and stayed in a long-term, committed relationship with Joe Francis

*Admittedly, I probably wouldn't want to sleep on a bed that Doug and Courtney might have ever slept on, either.