'Lady, You Are Getting $700 Worth Of Groceries For Eleven Cents'
"Sure I recognized them. Didn't you hear them say that a grocery trip takes them eight hours? It's kind of hard to miss a couple of customers when the three of you are basically spending an entire shift together. Not to mention that -- and they obviously don't know this -- but our manager secretly takes photos of these coupon freaks and puts them up in the staff room. It's hard to forget a face when you've spent every coffee break with them looking back at you.
"Honestly, it's always been a nightmare waiting on these people. You only know about the serious coupon weirdos from watching the show, or if you've happened to be in a store at the same time one of them rolled up with their seven carts and decided you didn't really need milk and kitty litter that bad after all. But as bad as they might look on TV, I can tell you from personal experience that having the cameras on them actually improves their behaviour. Obnoxious as they are, they at least have some awareness now that the general public is going to see them and tone it down a little from how they might act otherwise. 'That one didn't scan!' 'Those granola bars are supposed to be free!' Lady, you are getting $700 worth of groceries for eleven cents. Chill out.
"But even though I deal with them all the time, that doesn't mean I don't still have unanswered questions. For example, when you're talking about buying a building to keep your hoard of carpet cleaner in, that doesn't raise any alarm bells for anyone in your life? Because that's what it is -- it's hoarding. Just because it's organized doesn't mean you're not accumulating more stuff than you need or could ever reasonably use! I mean, did you see that one lady say she had 50,000 maxi-pads...and she'd had a hysterectomy? Why?!
"Also, it's not like I don't appreciate a deal -- I work in a supermarket, I'm not a Rockefeller -- but don't they put any value on their time? When I checked them out, they'd been in the store for ten hours. Can I just say that again? Ten hours, they spent in a Piggly Wiggly. I actually only had a six-hour shift that day. Here are some other things you can do, without spending any money, for ten hours: watch five movies on TV. Spend an entire day playing outside with your children. Take a ten-hour nap. I get that you think you're putting something over on the store and getting away with something and that probably gives you some kind of a thrill. But ten hours is a lot of time to put in to get that as your payoff.
"And here's another question: I enjoy a sugared soda from time to time. I'm only human. But if these two families are really going to get through a combined sixty-eight two-litre bottles of Crush before all that soda expires, I feel like I should call CPS on them. Ditto the Pringles. Just because it's free doesn't mean you are obliged to get it!
"Oh, sure I'm tempted sometimes to 'lose' some of their coupons or screw up scanning them or something, just out of spite. But I never have since the time that one bitch saw the count was off from her estimate and broke my arm."