We Have A Winner*! (*Of The 'Who's The Worst?' Contest)

Gallery Girls has aired its Season 1 finale (and without word from Bravo as to whether it will be picked up for a second season; if it's not, I will riot, and I'm not even kidding this time), and has finally allowed me to answer the burning question first posed by its series premiere: which of these entitled idiots is actually the worst? Turns out: Maggie. But it was a hard-fought contest. Let's rank the ladies from first to worst and find out how she pulled it off!

Kerri

Initially I was opposed to Kerri because it seemed like she got her art internship with Sharon Hurowitz because she presents better than already-in-place intern Amy, which is a nice way of saying that she's prettier, more elegant, and looks the part of a gallery assistant more than Amy does. But the more we got to know Kerri, the clearer her superiority became. Unlike the other cast members who are "working" unpaid jobs, Kerri supports herself working (for money!) at a concierge company. (Maybe she also supports herself, in part, by stiffing her new friends on bar bills, but that was probably an accident.) She generally steers clear of high schoolish drama among the other cast members, and even though her tattling to Sharon got Amy fired, Amy was doing a shit job for Sharon anyway and Kerri's complaints -- delivered in a straightforward, non-tattly way -- were legitimate. If Kerri had to manage an event at Art Basel in support of notorious art-world fraud Mr. Brainwash...well, that's ultimately her boss's fault, not hers. As the season ends, Kerri -- who's barely been in the episode at all (to her credit) -- is telling Sharon that while she's enjoyed her time in the art world, it's not practical for her to work both an unpaid internship and a full-time job. At least it didn't take her more than three years to figure out that the art job is a dead end, Maggie.

Amy

This time last week, it would have been unthinkable to me to rank Amy this high. Amy spent the season being a needy, insecure sycophant when she wasn't showing up late for a gallery tour with her boss, Sharon (see above), or embarrassing herself at an opening by being seventeen sheets to the wind. But when her father shocked her last week by telling her that she had to find a new apartment (because he'd sold the one she'd been living in) and a paying job (so she could pay for the eventual new place), she rose to the occasion, nailing a try-out day at a new gallery and demonstrating even to the viewer that she would be an asset to her employer not just because of her experience and skills, but also because she's pleasant and easy to get along with as opposed to a limp, useless dishrag, Maggie.

Claudia

That Claudia lacks good judgment is evident from the fact that she not only went into business with Chantal, but (apparently) was the only "partner" in their gallery/boutique, End Of Century, to put up any money, thereby making her the only person involved who had any urgency about making the business profitable. On the other hand, that urgency hasn't translated into her actually making any art sales. However, the season finale found Claudia speculating to Angela that, when Chantal recently extended a trip to Paris by claiming a lung infection that prevented her from returning on schedule, Chantal made the whole thing up and wasn't sick at all, which suggests that Claudia's common sense may be growing back. Also, Claudia told Angela that if Claudia ended up leaving End Of Century she would want it to fail (or to "burn," to use her actual words), and I have to respect that kind of spitefulness.

Liz

Liz is a bitch who obviously has spent her life getting away with shit due to the fact that she is so beautiful. That said, at least she comes by her art knowledge honestly, having learned a lot from her father, a prolific and well-regarded collector. And when she turned on Maggie and Ryan because their friend got kicked out of a bar they were all hanging out in and Ryan failed to tip their waitress when they got comped several bottles of expensive booze due to Liz's connections, she wasn't wrong. It's just unfortunate that she then expressed her anger at Maggie by giving her the cold shoulder at an event at the gallery where they both used to work. A classy person behaves cordially in public in order not to make everyone else feel uncomfortable, and then shit-talks the object of disdain behind her back. Come on!

Angela

Angela's career as an art photographer is probably doomed because she has no point of view and hasn't progressed past the point most of us reach in, let's say, high school. She's also a shallow asshole, treating her purchase of a Givenchy bag the way most people talk about adopting a child. However, I think I could spend twenty minutes with her without wanting to blow my brains out. Probably not more than twenty minutes, though.

Chantal

Just a few pieces of advice for Chantal:

• quit saying how big you are in Japan
• understand that you are running a business that needs to make money as opposed to throwing a little girls' tea party
• tell your business partners where you're going when you take off for Paris
• don't come back from your trip and casually tell your business partners you think you're going to move to Paris
• stop talking in that weird baby voice
• stand up straight

Maggie

At the start of the season, maybe one might be inclined to get outraged on Maggie's behalf when Liz slides into her job at Eli Klein's art gallery just because Liz has connections in the art world through her father. Liz has obviously grown up rich, and Maggie is at least somewhat less well off (though her family must not be so poor if she can live in New York and work a full-time unpaid internship). But Maggie's victim story quickly falls apart, as one of the first things we learn about her is that the reason Eli has replaced her is that she just stopped coming in -- was gone for two weeks, in fact -- and didn't tell Eli anything. Now, granted, the parameters of what it means to quit a job you're not getting paid for are kind of amorphous; but, paid or not, a person in her twenties who's graduated from college should have a basic understanding of the concept of professionalism and understand both (a) why blowing off your job for two weeks is not okay, and (b) why you can't expect to mince back in afterward and act like nothing has changed.

But ultimately, what makes Maggie the worst out of all these colossal assholes is what ends up being her downfall as the season draws to a close: her personality. (The fact that she's pretty stupid doesn't help. "Does somebody, like, put these shells on the beach? Why are there so many?" - Maggie.) After martyrously toiling at Eli's, for free, for three years (and no appreciation; throughout the season, Eli is either playing dumb about how long Maggie's been working for him or genuinely doesn't know because she's made so little impression on him), she gets an opportunity to land a paid gig at the Bernarducci Meisel gallery. But when the director gives her a chance to impress him by spending a day preparing for a show, Maggie either doesn't bother to try because she doesn't understand how competitive the job market is and thinks that getting the audition means getting the job, which is sad; or else she sincerely knocks herself out to show off what a great talent she is...and the result is a piss-poor performance that is her actual best, which is sadder. (Judge for yourself which you think it is!) Unfortunately for Maggie, Amy has also applied for the job, and either The Fear or natural ability spurs her to put in such an impressive display that she gets offered the job by the end of the day. Meanwhile, Maggie knows nothing of this, quits her "job" at Eli's, comes in to Bernarducci Meisel to get what she assumes is going to be a job offer, but instead turns out to be, first, a nasty surprise (Amy sitting at the reception desk), and then, her comeuppance.

Oh, it's delicious. And the surpassing glee I felt watching it -- and rewatching it; I've seen this clip a few times -- made Maggie's status as Worst In Show completely undeniable. And if I don't get to see another season of her moronic fumblings and whiny entitlement, I might have to go to Bravo and start weeping in someone's office, Maggie-style.