Kirk Cameron Breaks His Silence On The Subject Of His Crappy Birthday
Our Players
Hello, I'm Kirk Cameron.
Hello, I'm The Interview Extender.
The Scene
I understand how your first response to that birthday photo getting around the whole internet would be hurt or annoyance, but wasn't there a tiny part of you that thought it was kind of funny? Just a little?
No. Now, if that's everything--
Let's back up. Was it your birthday?
I really don't remember, because, as I said, it wasn't a birthday party.
Well, that it wasn't a party is pretty clear, but was it your birthday?
I don't know, Kara.
Why blow out a candle, then?
Fine. It was my birthday.
And you said a friend surprised you with this "cupcake," but that wasn't a cupcake, was it?
I don't remember.
Well, here, look at the photo. It's not a cupcake. It's a cake. So your friend was trying to put on some kind of a to-do about the occasion.
I think that's a bit of a leap.
If it were a cupcake: sure, I'd go along with you that it was just a private surprise between the two of you. But he brought a whole cake. This was supposed to be social.
Maybe you should be interviewing him, haha!
Besides which that is obviously a store-bought cake. Costco would be my guess.
So he's frugal. So what.
It's just not very special.
That's my point: none of this was special!
Aw.
WHAT.
Your birthday wasn't special!
Well, not at work!
I would think work would be a place that you could count on special attention and consideration, because don't you run a Christian production company?
I don't follow.
Well, I hardly see anyone in the room here while you're blowing out your candles. It just doesn't seem like your employees were behaving in a very Christian way toward you, and on your special day and all.
...I mean...I....
"What Would Jesus Do," right? Jesus would close that spreadsheet and come have a piece of cake.
I don't know, the pictures I've seen make it look like Jesus probably didn't eat a lot of sweets, haha!
Kirk, come on. You think our omnipotent Lord and Savior can't perform a miracle on a little old piece of Costco cake, give it the same caloric value as a pile of cucumber sticks?
Of course He could, you're right.
Give it negative calories, even. And by the way, Kirk, I work in an office. You know what one thing can make even the worst enemies put their issues aside for a few minutes of peace?
Cake, probably.
Cake. You nailed it. But not even cake could attract your employees to that conference room. To say nothing of the subs!
So at my event, "Love Worth Fighting For"--
Kirk, thank you so much, you led right to my next question: your wife.
Oh, thank you. Yes, my beautiful wife Chelsea and I--
I'll go along with the idea that the office wasn't where you wanted to have your main birthday celebration that year. What did your wife do for your special day?
Uh, I mean....
Hmm? What's that?
I'm sure she cooked me my favorite dinner and that we enjoyed it with our wonderful children.
Cake?
I'm sure there was cake.
...Sounds great.
Well, it was great.
So, "Love Worth Fighting For"--
Actually, you know what, it's coming back to me. My birthday fell on a weekday that year -- as you saw, I was at the office -- so we couldn't really do much on the actual day, but she had planned an absolutely gigantic party the Saturday afterward. She booked the biggest banquet room at the Four Seasons in Marina Del Rey and arranged an absolutely stunning catered dinner, followed by a five-tier cake like I have NEVER seen, and all my friends were there and it was just, speech after speech after speech. I have plenty of friends, like I said, so it went on for a while.
...Sounds great.
It's true.
Of course it is, Kirk.
If you're so concerned about me, maybe you should friend me on Facebook -- then you can see when it's my birthday this year and make sure you're the first one to wish me a happy birthday.
How would you even notice me after all your friends bury me in your timeline with their wishes?
Do it and we'll find out.
You know, the paper doesn't like me to Facebook-friend people we cover.
...I get it.
"Love Worth Fighting For"! You were saying?
Chelsea makes me really spectacular cakes. All the time. And I just want to help couples in this country find the kind of happiness we have.
What kind of couples?
...All couples?
...
You were saying?
I like chocolate cake.