Adding A Father To Jane's Family Apparently Means Adding His Crappy Ex-Stepdaughters, Too

As if an accidental pregnancy wasn't enough for Jane Villanueva to deal with, this week's episode expanded her list of obligations by a lot. First, there was the reminder that even though, as Rafael keeps nagging her, she really wants to be a writer, Jane is training to be a teacher: she's just been given her student-teacher assignment, and against her explicit request, she's been placed at a Catholic high school. Outside her professional life, she's still reeling from the realization of how much Mike has been lying to her of late, and managing the integration of Rogelio into her family, which also means taking on his ex-wife and her dickish twin daughters.

It's an episode loaded with enemies for Jane, but who is actually her biggest foe? Let's count them down from least to most antagonistic.

1. Rogelio

   I'm only including my darling Rogelio on this list because Jane has a problem with him: much as she did in the last episode, Jane is uncomfortable about Rogelio's tendency to try to impress her with grandiose gestures. And though he tried to hear her on this issue the last time it came up...you know, it's a process.

   

   Giving Jane a car is a lovely, generous gesture that some might interpret as trying to control her with money. Not me, because I love Rogelio. But some.

2. Miranda

   Cheers to Jane for getting the news of her student-teaching placement and calmly calling the appropriate office to see if they can relocate her. See, like a lot of girls whose mothers were very sexy and very single, Jane didn't have a great time in high school -- there was one "mean girl" in particular whose dad dated Xo and who tortured Jane after their parents broke up -- so Jane had hoped to teach at the middle-school level so that she could intervene with these young women before they hardened into straight-up bitches. But none of that is of any interest to Miranda, who listens to Jane's pleas and, when Jane explains that she can't wait for the next semester for a placement because of her pregnancy, has some unhelpful advice.

   

3. This Mean Old Nun

   You certainly have the right to enforce your code of conduct for teachers exactly as you see fit, but calling the controversy kicked up by the revelation of Jane's pregnancy "drama" in exactly the way your adolescent students would kiiiiiiind of undercuts your authority. Plus, it's 2014 and the Catholic church is losing parishioners all over the world because of its failure to relax some of its doctrines with the times. Maybe see what happens if you do what you think Pope Francis would probably do, and try not to be a dick about it.


4. Victoria & Valeria

   Remember Rogelio's rude ex-wife, Melissa? She also has rude twin daughters, Victoria and Valeria. Since Melissa is still in Rogelio's life (as his manager), and since Rogelio is kind and wants everyone to get along, he wants to make sure the twins know he still thinks of them as family and doesn't want them to get jealous of Jane and the place she will take up in his life. Unfortunately, he has no idea they are bitches, and that the more he talks up Jane, the worse it is for her: Melissa has the girls transferred to the school where she'll be teaching, where they immediately announce her status as "an unmarried pregnant woman" and get her called to Mean Old Nun's office. They park the cars Rogelio bought them to smooth over the problems caused by his buying Jane a car too close, forcing her to climb out the hatchback on what is only her second day of school. They cyberbully her with a website mocking her pregnancy, and then frame her for smashing one of their iPads, getting her fired. They force Jane to resort to Xo tactics, enlisting Rafael to distract them with a swim while she steals their phones and copies all kinds of incriminating stuff...and then get out of it by crying about how jealous they are about Jane's great parents and making her feel guilty. They end up confessing and apologizing, all smiles and gratitude for Jane's forgiveness...

   

   ...but they're still awful monsters and clearly this isn't over.

5. Mike

   I think he's basically an okay guy and just made bad decisions for short-sighted reasons. I mean, I wouldn't want to raise anyone else's kids either. (Or my own, but that's neither here nor there.) But when Rafael breaks the seal and tells Jane he has feelings for her, Jane realizes that Mike is not her only option -- just like, I assume, she'll eventually realize teaching isn't her only option -- and breaks off the engagement.

   

   You can rationalize it all you want, but keeping the truth about the future home of a baby that's biologically half Jane's just so you don't have to deal with the hassle is acting against her interests EVEN WORSE than the shitty twins. Way to go Mike. You deserve this outcome.