How Soon Will Jane The Virgin Live To Regret Making Friends With Her Long-Lost Cousin?

People make a lot of decisions in the latest Jane The Virgin that they end up wishing they hadn't. Whose decision is the most regrettable? Let's count them down from mild dismay to pure rue.

1. Rogelio Regrets The Bargain He Struck Over His Onscreen Nudity
   Remember last week when Rogelio was up for that role in an English-language feature film, only to find out that the full frontal nude scene it required him to do put him at odds with his Telemasivo morals clause? This week we learn how the studio executives are extorting him: in exchange for their signing off on the movie, he's going to have to go along with a product integration deal, which puts Honey Bunches Of Oats in the middle of a Tiago storyline that takes place during the Cuban Missile Crisis. He's not thrilled about it at first...
   

   ...but take it from a cereal connoisseur: that one is undeniably delicious.

2. Rogelio Regrets Challenging Xiomara To A Dance-Off
   As Xo works on setting up her dance studio with Rogelio's advice (and a celebrity discount he negotiated by agreeing to do a fro-yo ad for the landlord), they both fondly remember their shared history as dancers -- specifically: 1990, when they were both in high school, and Rogelio wasn't on-board with Xo's "Rhythm Nation"-inspired choreography. Xo theorized that Ro's desire for a routine that involved all the girls "freak[ing] up against" him was to camouflage his lack of dancing talent. A ruthless dance-off ensued!
   

   In the present day, Xo is once again moved to settle a dispute -- over whether to hire a painter for the studio or do it themselves -- with a classic dance-off.

   

   The only issue is that, this time, Rogelio's not nearly as limber as he used to be.

   

   Seeing Rogelio vulnerable with an injury causes Xo to open up to him, and to admit that she's thrown that her new studio is located across the street from the law office of Bruce, a married man who toyed with her years ago. A pulled groin is a small price for Rogelio to pay for connecting with Xo like this.

3. Jane Regrets Befriending Catalina
   Jane was thrilled at the end of the last episode to discover that Catalina, daughter to Alba's long-estranged sister Cecilia, had spontaneously shown up on her doorstep to take advantage of the CRAZY COINCIDENCE of having a stopover in Miami on her way back from Venezuela I mean what even are the odds?! Of course Jane doesn't hesitate for a second before inviting Catalina to stay with her and Michael and connect: what could go wrong? WELL, MAYBE A LOT. In some respects, she's helpful: Jane screws up an interview at a romance novel book imprint, and Catalina encourages her to use her in with the publisher's assistant to get another chance, which works. But Jane doesn't love watching her flirt with Rafael; Michael doesn't like that their flirting bothers her so much that she told Rafael not to see Catalina. (Michael's also not wild about how long Catalina's imposing on them when they're trying to pack up the house, or how long she takes in the shower, or that she doesn't wear bras when she gets out.)
   

   But the biggest reason Jane has for regretting striking up a friendship with Catalina is that it hurts Alba. Though Alba softens her anti-Catalina stance for the sake of bridging the distance it has caused between her and Jane and suggests a family dinner, the happy, comfortable occasion is ruined when Catalina tells the version she knows of the night Alba met Mateo: "My grandma was devastated. And she was so sorry about what she did after....Because she'd been in love with him first, right? And you sort of stole him away?" Alba angrily shoots back, "That is not what happened! How dare you!....Your abuela is a liar!....You don't come into my house and tell lies about me! You're as bad as your grandmother!" Later, Alba tearfully tells Jane she never knew how Cecilia felt about Mateo, but also warns Jane, "I don't trust that cousin of yours, Jane. She reminds me of my sister. A master-manipulator." Unfortunately, this warning doesn't come until AFTER the triumphant night out with the publisher's assistant from which Jane comes home in a great mood and encourages Catalina to go hang out with Rafael.

   

   Which they do -- and so successfully that Rafael suggests that they "do that a few thousand more times." This is a complicated long con? Or Catalina just digs Rafael's body and honestly who could blame her.

4. Rafael Regrets Striking A Shady Bargain With Scott
   Scott threatens Petra with a sexual harassment suit. Petra comes to Rafael, offering to let him stay in the penthouse and asking for him to let his legal team defend her. Rafael says he will if she gives him back his shares. Petra says it'll be cheaper just to pay Scott off. But then Scott threatens to expose all the shady shit he knows, and she has to come back to Rafael promising to turn his shares back over if he'll stand with her against Scott, and it works, and then the lawsuit turns out to be entirely at Rafael's instigation (and he also told Scott about the Anezka switcheroo to get it done). "You'll be getting that bonus as discussed," Rafael promises. "Oh, I didn't do it for the money, though it's a pretty nice number," says Scott. "No, I did it for the favour. I think it's good to have a guy like you owe me." A dude this sketchy holding a marker against you, Rafael? I very much doubt this will end up being worth it in the long run! I also don't care that much because this business intrigue is and always has been very boring!
5. Rogelio Regrets Waiting To Tell Xiomara How He Really Feels About Her
   Rogelio spends the episode struggling with the non-cereal content of his Tiago storyline, haranguing the writers, "This doesn't make any sense! Tiago sees Eva kissing another guy! And he turns and walks away?!...I cannot find the truth in this ridiculous scene! Tiago has been looking for Eva through time and space, and when he finally sees her, she is kissing another man! And he walks away and doesn't tell her how he feels? It just doesn't make any sense!...He'd tell her!" After an oblique conversation with Rafael in which neither really cares much about the other's love problems, Rogelio has an epiphany, and off he goes to tell Xo exactly how he feels! What none of us know is what happened after Xo confronted Bruce about how much he hurt her during their relationship and he mentioned that he's now divorced...
   

   ...which is this, somehow. It'll help his performance, but at such a cost! Dammit, Xo, with your low self-esteem! Dammit, Rogelio, with your baby fever apparently! IS ANY BABY WORTH LOSING A WOMAN WITH SUCH SICK DANCE MOVES?!