Jane Makes Xo And Rogelio Get Off Their Crosses And Talk To Each Other

Last week, my esteemed colleague Sarah D. Bunting vented her righteous frustration at the tendency of TV characters -- like no people who have ever lived -- to blow straight past an "I have something to tell you" tease because, unlike people who have lived, they have plot contrivances to serve. A corollary of this TV rule has been playing out on Jane The Virgin lately, or rather, had been, because Jane finally got sick of it and brought it to an end, and we need to celebrate it and her.

As you will recall because I haven't shut up about it since it happened, Xo made a bargain with God not to "let a man between these legs again without a ring" if He would save Alba's life, not knowing that Alba had already regained consciousness, heard the whole thing, and pretended not to in order to continue her campaign against Xo's adult sexuality. Since Xo and Rogelio had, by that point, already decided to give their burgeoning relationship lower priority than Rogelio's new acquaintance with Jane, Xo's vow of celibacy was mostly just a new artificial impediment to her and Rogelio's happiness. But then last week's episode ended with Rogelio getting an offer to headline a telenovela in Mexico, a job which would take him away from Miami for eighteen months, leading to the Xo/Ro plot in this week's episode: dueling self-denial!

Rogelio has two options: a lead in Mexico, or a second lead to his fiercest professional rival, Esteban Santiago, in Miami. When he tells Xo about his choices, the narrator tells us that each wants the other to say Rogelio should take the job that will keep him from leaving so that they can be together. Oh, Narrator. Normally you contribute so much to every episode, but we really didn't need you to spell this one out for us. Xo and Rogelio's secret desires are quite clear since ALL OF US WATCHING SHARE THEM.

Inasmuch as sticking to a secret promise, made to God, in a moment of crisis is something a real person might do in real life, Xo and Rogelio's unwillingness to break through this martyrish impasse is somewhat believable: it's hard for most people to be emotionally vulnerable, and no one wants to be the reason someone gives up a professional opportunity. The rest of the episode has Jane fantasizing that the outlandish events in her life -- starting with the woman who was potentially going to be her stepmother-in-law turning out to be a crime boss who was running an underworld plastic surgery ring and killed Jane's baby's grandfather, and...you know, proceeding from there -- are telenovela plot points. So considering that an actual telenovela would have just kept finding more and more reasons to keep Rogelio and Xiomara apart and yearning for one another, it's a huge relief when Jane decides this is one plot thread in her life that's not going to remain a gauzy, wind machine-blown site of thwarted desires. Instead, she makes them do something people in real telenovelas don't do: talk to each other.

Things start out slow: when Jane asks Xo to tell them how she'd feel if Rogelio

DAD moved to Mexico, Xo will only go so far as to say she'd be "bummed." Jane decides that will have to do for now, and asks Rogelio the same question. Being Rogelio, his first instinct is to put it through the filter of feelings Santos has experienced, but Jane won't let him get away with it, and as he admits that he'd be "devastated," the dam is finally broken. Xo expresses her fear that if Rogelio hates working with Esteban, he'll blame her for having been the reason he didn't take the job in Mexico; Rogelio swears he'd never do that -- and he already has a plan: "I'll shine on Esteban's show the way I always shine -- even brighter because you will be by my side!" Who could resist a pitch like that? NOT XO, FORTUNATELY.

She even decides that Rogelio's staying is enough of a commitment to satisfy the spirit of her vow, if not the letter, and ends her grueling days of chastity.

There are still clouds on the horizon -- in addition to Rogelio's established antipathy to Esteban, he reports to Xo that when he told his agent his decision, she told him he was an idiot -- and plenty of ways this could yet fall apart in a variety of telenovela-ish ways. But that's all at least three weeks off. For now, let's celebrate the fact that Jane broke through the soapy abnegation and forced a happy ending/beginning for her mom and Daaaaaaad.