Stop Trying To Make Betty White Re-Happen

Last night, Saturday Night Live took over all of NBC's primetime -- and then some, with an extra half-hour at the end added earlier this week that no one told DirecTV about -- to celebrate itself, in a fortieth-anniversary spectacular that has been teased all season. And while most of the clip packages were made up of the same long-since-canonized material that gets trotted out in every anniversary special (hello again, film piece in which actually-first-to-die John Belushi eulogizes all his other castmates), there were some new iterations of recurring sketches starring a mix of the original cast members that made them famous, older or newer cast members to cause applause breaks, and former hosts, which is how we got a revived installment of "The Californians" featuring Betty fucking White, and guys? If you know me at all, you know I can't with this.

As it happens, I have been opposed to the Betty White Revival Campaign since the eventually successful Facebook push to get SNL to let her host the show. NO, it's not because I hate old people and would prefer that they not be granted representation in pop culture...or not just that. It's that the petition struck me as condescending toward a performer who, as seemed indisputable to me then, was well past the point of relevance and whose best comedic years were decades behind her.

Since then, of course, I have been on the wrong side of popular opinion with regard to Ms. White, who's been crowned America's designated One Funny Old Lady -- sorry, Ellen Albertini Dow! -- with roles as salty grandmas in multiple movies and her own (terrible) senior citizen prank show. Last night alone, two sketches -- both "The Californians" and a clip from her "MacGruber" -- climaxed (ew, sorry) on thenotion that an old lady being sexual is automatically hilarious. But the one thing the viewer can't help noticing in White's performance is that she knows all she needs to do is show up and be old to get laughs. It's not like I expect a Molly Shannonesque level of commitment from someone who's old enough to break a hip looking at it in the mirror wrong; she doesn't need to break through a scrim to impress me. But could she have, maybe, maybe tried to do the accent? It's only THE POINT OF THE SKETCH.

Fortunately, the special also included several moments that made me LLOL, so let's count them down.

1. The Burt Reynolds Headgear Reveal

   In the midst of a typically excellent Celebrity Jeopardy!, we got not just the return of Turd Ferguson...

   

   ...but the return of his giant foam cowboy hat.

2. Opening Credits "Candid" Face Spoof

   "You've seen it -- this is how it goes. It goes..."

   

   Also it's remarkable how little these two have aged.

3. The Triumphant Return Of Tracksuit Guy

   What's up with that?!

   

   If they had somehow left him out, I would have rioted for real.