Surely This Telenovela Therapist Has Telenovela Motives...Right?

Who cares or ever has cared about Sin Rostro?

I feel pretty strongly that if you were to take a poll of people who've watched every episode of Jane The Virgin and ask them to rank its storylines from most to least compelling, all this Sin Rostro business would end up dead last. I understand that it ups the stakes if there's a crime plotline running through the season and that it's helpful to have something for Michael to do that gives him a reason to be around the hotel a lot, but whenever the action switches over to it, I completely tune out. It's not interesting in terms of how it affects the business; it doesn't help to put Petra in peril from Roman as a result of it because who gives a shit about her, either; no one was clamouring for fucking Magda to get thrown back into the mix; and as for this week's big reveal that Nadine is dirty after having been compromised by Sin Rostro...it's been nineteen episodes, and I think this is the first time I even knew that was her name. I'm going to go so far as to say that any TV writer working on a crime story should avoid one that has the plot turning on a cop squinting at a computer screen while magically recovered files full of evidence that was for some reason documented digitally scrolls by on his screen, because it's boring for us to watch. Call it the Rule Of Thumb Drive™.

Surely this telenovela therapist has telenovela motives...right?

You have to assume there's going to be more to a character than just a one-off appearance when a freshman show like this, mostly full of newbie TV stars (in this country, anyway), casts a character actor of Nia Vardalos's stature. Furthermore, not to say that performers who are primarily known for comedy can't also kill it in dramatic roles -- see Bob Odenkirk and Michael McKean in Better Call Saul for a very recent example -- but I feel like it's going to be a waste of Vardalos's talents if it doesn't turn out that Dr. Stanbrook has villainous, yet-to-be-revealed reasons for steering Rafael toward breaking up with Jane. (Not that it's probably that hard to get Rafael to make a decision that's selfish and jerky, but still.)

Whose niece is this broad who plays Andie?

I hope this means we're done with her for real.

Andie is not interesting, and Rachel DiPillo can't act.

How could Rogelio have screwed up his audition for Love Under The Bridge?!

Even if, as he quite rightly notes, "sleeping with a writer is pointless" (hee hee), surely once he figured that out he could have moved up the production's chain of command and dispensed some more of the carnal gift of Rogelio.

Can we agree that Lina kind of had a point about Jane delivering her baby vaginally?

Since I'm already on the record as opposing the ongoing influence of Alba's slut-shaming attitude on her female descendants, I am automatically on the side of any character who advances the opposing view with regard to sex; therefore, the episode-opening flashback to Lina's fifth-grade corrective to Jane's inaccurate flower-based sex talk pleases me immensely. And while I support any person's decision to remain celibate if it's a sincerely held belief developed independently, given Alba's chilling early instruction, I don't entirely think Jane's is, which is why when Lina characterizes Jane's imminent labour as "losing [her] virginity to [her] baby," it's sort of ridiculous...and also sort of something to think about! I don't want to subscribe to the misogynist pop culture truism that a woman's parts are always irretrievably ruined for sex purposes after she's given birth -- I mean, Xo seems to have done okay lo these many years since Jane was born -- but...Lina doesn't seem like she's totally off-base in her concern...

Why should the security guard's entrance (as it were) have screwed up Rafael and Jane's First Time?

...and I guess Jane agrees, because later that night, intimacy-building skinny-dipping leads her to tell Rafael that she's ready to have sex with him for the first time, probably only partly due to Lina's remarks about her delivery and more due to the novel experience of having her wet, naked body pressed up against Rafael's, also for the first time. I was so thrilled that the show was finally going to take a clear stand against Alba's position (as it were), until that stupid security guard had to show up and ruin everything -- but why? If Jane's decision to have sex already transgresses her indoctrination into sexlessness by Alba, why wouldn't getting caught swimming naked just amp up the filth factor? Maybe Jane got too much chlorine in her eyes and can't see Rafael clearly, because even though I may find him boring most of the time, even I can't sit here and act like he ain't foine.

How worried do we actually need to be about Rogelio and Xo's breakup?

Against both my better judgment and (kind of) Jane's, Xo tells Rogelio about having kissed Marco, and all my worst fears seem to be confirmed when he angrily turns on her at a photo shoot for his one-night Las Vegas "residency" (hee hee), barking that the relationship is over. On paper, the statement is pretty unambiguous...but the scene is played for comedy, and Rogelio's rage reads more telenovelistic than sincere. Is it even going to stick? PLEASE DON'T LET IT STICK.

Did you know this show is sponsored by Target?

IF YOU DID, OMG, PLEASE NEVER FORGET AGAIN!!!!!