What A Piece Of Twenty Different Kinds Of Work Is Man

Botched found another famous-ish person to show her blurred boobs to its cameras! Get ready to know more about a Baywatch star than you ever, ever wanted to.

Deadly Sinner: Nicole Eggert -- formerly of Baywatch; now mostly "working" on reality shows with other D-listers -- had been perfectly happy with her membership in the Itty Bitty Titty Committee until she got cast on Baywatch and developed what she terms "boob envy." As a result, she's had "five boob jobs," on which she's "spent well over $30,000." She quotes this price point like it's unfathomably high -- and it's not that it's a small sum if she were talking about how much she's dropped on, like, shoes? But for five surgeries, it seems low. On the other hand, if she's been going to strip mall "surgical centres," then I guess that explains why she's on Botched. Her issue now is that the surgeon who performed her last surgery gave her DDDs when she had just wanted to replace her implants with Bs, apparently because he thought bigger would look better on her frame. But now they're droopy and get in her way when she's trying to play with her three-year-old daughter and she'd like a less intrusive rack.

Poor Unfortunate Soul: After experiencing chest pains she was told were related to her weight, Katina lost a hundred pounds (with just diet and exercise, we are told about forty times). Once she reached her goal weight, she was left with a lot of extra skin, so she got a tummy tuck that went horribly wrong. She suffered necrosis on her incision, and when she returned to the surgeon to cut off the dead flesh, she was left with two holes in her stomach, each of which was big enough for her to put her hand in; it's since healed, sort of, but she has a little pouch of skin hanging over her pubis, and also no longer has a navel. She'd like the doctors to fix up her stomach so that she can show off all her hard work in a bikini.

It's Not Me, It's You: Rodrigo's a flight attendant who apparently spends all his spare time getting cosmetic surgery. TO WIT:

• three rhinoplasties
• jawline reconstruction
• permanent filler in his cheeks and chin
• "stem cell hair growth treatment
• silicon chest implants
• four liposuctions
• calves reshaped

Rodrigo has spent "nearly $200,000" on all of the above, in addition to which we also see the gadgets he's bought to treat his skin, whiten his teeth, and tone his legs without exercise ("I don't have time to go the gym"). He doesn't mention his ice-blue coloured contacts, but then, he doesn't need to.

So given ALL THAT, what more could he want from Drs. Nassif and Dubrow? Well, three rhinoplasties haven't satisfied his vision for his nose, so he wants one more. But when the doctors tell him that the only way they can achieve the look he wants is to take a piece of his rib, which would leave a scar on his "eight-pack." He refuses -- "I paid a lot of money for this!" -- but on his way out says that they should call him if they come across any cadaverous material they could stick in him and save him having to raid his own parts. (I'm pretty sure we're supposed to surmise that he's just going to fly to another country where corpse-assisted plastic surgery is common.)

But that's just the overview. Let's get right down to the real nitty-gritty.

Botched-y Element		Present?
Horrifying Backstory		Nicole was flat-chested, Katina was overweight, Rodrigo was slightly chubby. Yawn.
Painting A Word Picture		Katina's immediate reaction to her tummy tuck, before everything went to hell: "I can see my vagina!" Dr. Nassif, upon seeing what Katina's stomach looks like now (oh, it's a-coming): "My God, that looks like testicles!" Dr. Dubrow, on what Katina's stomach looks like when he opens her up: "Like a zombie's been munching on her." And when he pokes around a little more, he finds "this big bag of what looks like liquid cheese."
Insufficient Blurring		Here's what makes Dr. Nassif react to Katina's torso with that "testicle" remark: We also see the necrosis on her incision with almost ZERO blurring... ...and really not enough on the pork chop-shaped holes that were left open for a year and a half after her old surgeon cut out all the dead tissue.
Delusional Thinking		Dr. Dubrow keeps talking about his concern that Nicole thinks her breast lift is going to transform her body head to toe and leave it in its Baywatch shape -- she's put on a little weight since then -- but everything Nicole herself says makes it clear that she knows she needs to put in some work, and that having smaller breasts to deal with will motivate her to do it.
Cringey Surgeon "Banter"		Before Katina comes in for her consultation, Nassif and Dubrow have a pointless exchange about what they did the previous weekend: Nassif saw a micropig! Nicole's consultation is prefaced by Dubrow's positioning her for the apparently pop culturally illiterate Nassif as onetime boner fuel.
#TMYK		This episode is very educational for me: the kind of tummy tuck Katina had is called "apron surgery," because of how the skin gets folded back. I also learn that "fupa" is not, as I'd always thought, a contraction of "front dupa," but rather an acronym for "fat upper pubic area." (Just kidding: that's the genteel version. Normally the "p" stands for something else.)
Totally Real Non-Fake OR "Complications"		On the contrary: when Dubrow digs around in Katina's stomach and finds all that liquid cheese, it turns out to be surrounding her umbilical stalk, so building her a navel won't be as hard as he thought.
Surgical "GAAAAAAH"s		Katina's sheepish smile of a belly incision. Dubrow making headless Nicole's vulnerable breasts sit up in bed while he checks on his progress over the course of the procedure. Dubrow jamming this needle in the sides of Nicole's breasts.
10s 10s Across The Board, When I Step Out They All Applaud		Nicole's "after" breasts are certainly a lot higher and will probably cause her blouses to pop open a lot less frequently. Katina, meanwhile, can wear a bikini and submerge herself in water now that her stomach no longer features open windows to her guts.