Are There Really Some Problems You Can't Kill Your Way Out Of?

Three's A Crowd (And Two Are Crowders)

Situation: Boyd has come home to find Raylan in the kitchen with Ava.

What makes it awkward? Ava and Raylan used to be an item; Raylan and Boyd are on opposite sides of the law in general but especially at the moment; the entire shared history that has entwined Boyd and Raylan's lives together? I mean, basically. Also, Raylan asks Boyd when he last saw Dewey, and Boyd's not exactly eager to tell him.

How is order restored? Oh, the usual. Boyd is vaguely menacing: "A lot of the guys I knew in prison were there 'cause they walked in and found their girlfriend with another man." Raylan counters with his question about Dewey, which temporarily sets Boyd back on his heels before he thinks of telling Raylan to pursue Dewey via Avery. But mostly, their dick-measuring all revolves around Ava: when Boyd reminds Raylan that he'd told him the last time they ran into each other that Raylan was moving to Florida, so the fact that Raylan hasn't gone yet suggests that there's something in Harlan Raylan's having a hard time letting go of. "Its easier for me to let go of things if I feel like they've been left in good hands," cracks Raylan. Later, Boyd gets Raylan back for this dig by saying he wants to make sure Harlan has a future, "for us and for whoever else we might bring into this old world," circling his arms around Ava's waist. He's talking about putting a baby in her, GET IT?! Finally, Boyd issues an insincere invitation for Raylan to stay for dinner, which allows Ava to keep up appearances by acting put-upon and hostile toward Raylan: "Anyone but me just plain tired of the bullshit burdens of southern hospitality?" Anyway, Raylan doesn't think his staying is a good idea, but Boyd offers, "We can promise to keep 'em holstered." "Where's the fun in that," drawls Raylan. You know, the more they talk about Raylan shooting Boyd, the more I assume that's not how things will end at all, BUT ANYWAY, Raylan leaves and Ava gets back to the business of acting like a not-CI.

Seabass vs. Choo-Choo

Picking up more or less where we left off with the Avery Markham gang as well, Ty has arrived to deal with the aftermath of Choo-Choo's having accidentally killed Schreier, and since the first thing that comes up is Avery's current location (he's in Lexington), it's clear that the next move is a cover-up. Seabass, very irritated, notes that Schreier hardly has any blood on him, so they might as well leave him in the "shitdick woods." Hmm, I'm not familiar with that state park. Sounds very picturesque. But Ty is concerned about the trail of evidence. Choo-Choo, ill-advisedly, mentions "the girl," Caprice, who was leaving as they were coming in, and Ty tells Seabass to set up "a date" with her and then kill her on it. Seabass bitterly replies that Choo-Choo should "clean up after his OWN mess," which...fair, and when a distracted Choo-Choo -- who doesn't seem to understand the gravity of their current situation -- once again brings up the bartender at the Pizza Portal who's skimming cash, Seabass explodes, saying he's sick of carrying Choo-Choo's dumb ass. Given everything else we've seen him do, Ty's protectiveness of Choo-Choo here seems slightly out of character, but it doesn't matter: Choo-Choo agrees with Seabass, saying "It's my duty to set it right." How...noble?

Winner: Seabass.

The Feud, The Proud, The Randolphs

Who's causing a family crisis? Ava.

How? Technically, the late Bowman started it when he abused her. But now she's continuing it by being with Boyd.

Which relatives have a problem with it? All the Randolphs, from what we hear.

Who's an unlikely ally? Zachariah, who expresses his concerns for Ava's safety to her, but is willing to put his prejudices aside for the moment and work with Boyd on the drilling project.

Spoiler: Taking $10,000 from Boyd doesn't mean Zachariah has actually forgiven Bowman, or Boyd, or all Crowderkind.

Remarried To The Mob

Alert Type: Advanced Game Theory Alert.

Issue: Avery proposes to Katherine with a seriously gigantic ring.

Complicating Factors: She's not sure she wants to be married again, to anyone. And her receptiveness to his proposal goes down even more when he tells her his condition for their marriage is that she come clean about having dimed out Grady -- which is crazy, because she's been doing all this stuff on the assumption that AVERY was the snitch!

Resolution: It's kind of left open-ended for now, but Katherine tells Wynn what happened, and he points out that Avery's making Katherine think he thinks she's the snitch is a pretty smart way of causing her to doubt her own belief that HE was the snitch.

Spoiler: Avery's about to have bigger problems in the present that might crowd out his concerns about the past.

Getting Carded

Situation: Apparently, Ty & Co. did dump Schreier's body in the shitdick woods, because some local cops have just found it.

What makes it awkward? Raylan's business card was in his pocket, and now the local cops are starting to get curious about what Schreier might have been mixed up in -- like, something federal, if he was going around with a Marshal's card on his person -- but Tim and Raylan don't want the cops messing up their case.

How is order restored? Raylan covers for the card by claiming that Schreier was his realtor. But Tim and Raylan also learn, in their time at the scene, that while the cops assumed at first that Schreier was killed by a baseball bat, when they looked closer they saw it had to have been a fist because they could actually see the knuckle marks. It had to be someone pretty powerful since Schreier looks like he's been run over by a truck. "OR A TRAIN," says Raylan, with a meaningful look at Tim. And the chase is on! Again!

When Did You Stop Killing Your Business Associates?

Who called the meeting? Raylan and Tim.

What's it about? Schreier's death.

How'd it go? Pretty illuminating, actually! After Avery gets through his default cockiness (referring to Tim as Raylan's "sidekick" may be a decision he comes to regret), Tim comes straight out with a question about Schreier's death, and when Avery says it's the first he's hearing about it, we know it's true. Also? He seems pissed. Raylan asks after Choo-Choo, and Ty says he's out. "We go look around back, we're not going to find him, trying to hide behind a coatrack?" jokes Tim, to which Seabass snits, "Choo-Choo don't need to hide from you. You want to take him on, you'd best call in an air strike." Raylan and Tim decide they've done enough for the moment, but as he makes to leave, Raylan scolds Avery, "You know where I think you went wrong? You hired a bunch of mercs [mercenaries] 'cause they looked the shit in jungle fatigues. Turns out they know killin', but they don't know crime." Hey, no one likes to have his management decisions questioned in front of his reports, Raylan.

You Wouldn't Hit On A Guy With Glasses, Would You?

It's been way too long since we've seen Boyd looking hot as shit in his glasses, you guys.

Problem Child

Who called the meeting? Art, sort of, by showing up at the office.

What's it about? Generally about the case Raylan's currently working on; specifically about how to manage Raylan.

How'd it go? Kind of a bummer for Rachel. She tells Art she strongly suspects, based on their phone activity, that Ava tried to run the day before and that Raylan found her and brought her back. Art says she should bring Raylan in to confront him with her evidence; if it ends up being true, she'll have to pull Raylan off the case, terminate Ava as a CI, and start the case over from scratch. But when she asks whether that's what Art would do, she answers her own question: "You'd let it go. You wouldn't risk the case just to save your own ass." I know Raylan's a pain in the ass, Rachel, but remember, he gets results! (So Raylan really better get results this time.)

I Choo-Choo-Choose You (To Take The Fall For This Manslaughter)

Situation: The Marshals know took about ten seconds to pin Schreier's death on Choo-Choo, so someone's going to have to kill Choo-Choo.

What makes it awkward? Avery wants Ty to do it, but Ty was right behind Choo-Choo's Humvee in "the sandbox" when Choo-Choo sustained the injury that's left him not quite right in the head -- in a scene so horrific everyone present was shocked that Choo-Choo survived -- so Ty's not that psyched about having to end his life now.

How is order restored? Ty remembers that Avery is his boss and gets on with it...or, uh, tries to.

Ava's new babysitter Earl is hanging out in her kitchen listening to very loud music when she rolls in and starts flirting with him PRETTY hard! After some pleasantries about the age gap between them -- he knew who she was when she came into Boyd's bar that night because she was a senior when Carl was a freshman, but he pretended not to because it seemed like the "smartest play" -- she asks why he's there and not at the mine! Without getting into it, he claims he's "not much use in a mine"...but he also heedlessly coughs up the info on which mine Boyd and Zachariah are working in! It sounds like he says "Batton Creek," but you know how these henchmen all mumble!

Speaking of the mine, let's see what's up at the mine! Boyd and Zachariah are chatting about the brief stretch in Season 2 when Boyd was back working in a mine because he had nothing to live for at the time, whereas Zachariah feels that "down in a hole" is the only place he's happy! Too bad that's not true for Boyd, because he takes a step to grab a can of oil when the board underneath him gives way and he falls straight down with only the broken board under him keeping him within arm's reach of the rest of the guys and not falling even deeper to his extremely certain death!

Zachariah pulls Boyd up, and over Boyd's protests insists that after a scare like that, Boyd needs to see sunlight! Boyd agrees to knock off for the rest of the day! How about for the rest of ever, Boyd? Just think about depriving the world of seeing you in those glasses ever again!!!

Marshals vs. Everyone

Between Avery's orders and Choo-Choo's report that he's picked up Caprice and is pretty sure they can keep her alive because she's not going to tell anyone what she knows, Ty's accepted the fact that he definitely is going to have to kill Choo-Choo after all, sentiment be damned. When he and a couple of henchmen drive out to where Choo-Choo's holding Caprice, Choo-Choo says that Caprice shouldn't have to die for Choo-Choo's mistake, to which Ty asks, "All the places we've been, all the things we've seen -- shit, all the things we've done, you still think 'should' really matters?" Choo-Choo says he won't let Ty kill Caprice, and Ty snaps, "Fine, you kill her, like you were ordered to." They can't really debate it right now because suddenly there are Marshals everywhere, including Raylan and Tim, guns drawn. "'Kill her like you were ordered to,'" Raylan repeats. "Taken out of context, that's the kind of statement might suggest criminal intent." Ty surmises that Tim and Raylan followed him from the Pizza Portal, which Raylan confirms, also letting Choo-Choo know Ty had come to mercy-kill Choo-Choo. Ty tries to deny it, but when Choo-Choo can tell it has to be true, Ty changes tack: "We do 'em both right now, then we hit Crowder. After that, no one's getting on you about killing a realtor." Poor dim Choo-Choo reaches for his gun. "You're really going to die for a guy who's trying to kill you?" grits Tim. "You can't still be taking his orders," says Raylan, more sad than stern. "It's all I got," murmurs Choo-Choo.

Cue the shoot-out! Somehow, Caprice manages to stay out of the crossfire as the Marshals shoot at the crooks and vice versa. Ty makes it to his car and escapes; Choo-Choo, who immediately takes bullets in the upper torso from Tim and Raylan also makes it to his (tiny) car, and though he takes fire from Raylan, who shoots out a tire and the rear windshield, he manages to escape the scene, though maybe a little more fucked up than he might at first appear.

Winner: Ty, but only for the moment, because although he gets away, he's also been shot.

Back at the mine, Zachariah and Mr. Handsome are chatting about the latter's experience in mines! Zachariah comments that Mr. Handsome clearly knows his way around, unlike that idiot Carl who got into the shaft and pulled a gun out in complete ignorance of all the invisible yet super-duper-flammable gases that surround them! As they work, Mr. Handsome notices something weird about the board Boyd fell through -- namely, that it wasn't rotten! It was cut! Zachariah's like

and then he grabs his walkie and fakes like there was just a terrible, terrible accident! Fortunately for Zachariah, Carl's not real bright!

Tim and Raylan brief Rachel on the firefight, and she tells them a whole shitload of other Marshals are coming from Atlanta and Cincinnati and local law enforcement's received pictures of Ty's and Choo-Choo's faces to help with the manhunt! Everyone agrees that local cops are nothing more than target practice for the likes of Choo-Choo and Ty, which is why Raylan and Tim aren't going on "critical incident leave" until after Rachel's reinforcements arrive! When Tim's stepped away, Rachel asks about Ava! Raylan smoothly tells her as little as possible, but it's clear that he can feel her appraising look beaming right through him!

Choo-Choo drives his pitiful little car onto some train tracks, because where else? Against all odds, the engineer manages to brake the train before it plows through Choo-Choo's car, but when the engineer and fireman run out to see what the deal is, Choo-Choo has already passed away. Farewell, sweet Choo-Choo! You're punching out the angels now!

Boyd comes home to see Earl and Ava flirting over his music! Friendly enough, Boyd says this "carrying on" is better than what he came home to last night! When she asks how it was with Zachariah, he understandably doesn't get into it!

And then Boyd gets a call...from Limehouse! He's offering information and not even asking anything in return -- he's just hoping Boyd will see it as a good-faith gesture to mark a new beginning for their friendship! Boyd is dismissive and wary, and Limehouse takes great relish in saying that the information he has is, to Boyd, an "unknown unknown": "Something you don't even know you don't know"! Boyd's like, OUT WITH IT, MAN, and Limehouse practically smacks his lips as he asks whether Ava told him what she got up to yesterday!