But Why Is Harlan The Promised Land?

Now That's What I Call Actionable Intel!

Who called the meeting? Ava, as soon as Boyd takes off for the day to take care of business he doesn't really tell her about.

What's it about? After Avery's pop-in the day before, she's actually got news Raylan can probably use, for a change.

How'd it go? It starts out very awkward as Raylan intuits that Ava and Boyd are sleeping together again, requiring him to say that, if that's the case, he wants it to be clear and explicit that he does not expect nor is he asking her to. With her (current) trademark mix of flirtation and defiance, Ava asks if that means Raylan's asking her not to sleep with Boyd, and his response is to look as exhausted with her as I am tbqh. Failing to engage just turns her into even more of a Blanche DuBois, drawling about how he just thinks everything is something else and taunting him: "What's it like, holding someone's fate in your hands?...Is it a burden, or is it what gets you out of bed in the morning?" Raylan tries to shut down whatever this is by saying that what gets him out of bed lately is his wish to help her fulfill her agreement so that she doesn't go back to prison. Ava's like, FINE, and tells him about Avery's visit, and the broad strokes of what he said to her and, once he arrived, to Boyd. Raylan recognizes Ty from her description: "Nice to put a face to the shock collar." "So," she coos, "Don't say you and me don't have a special relationship." "Did I say that?" he asks, pretty gravely. Since Raylan is familiar with Avery's name, he remarks that "Boyd must be wettin' his pants thinking about all them piles and piles of money. No wonder you're scared." Well, yeah. So much so that she had to distract him using her secret weapon: her SEXUALITY. Also I bet Boyd is pretty good in bed, and I am prepared to discuss the matter in extensive detail and at length IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

It's About Time Ava Met The HBIC

Ava comes back from her chat with Raylan to see Katherine hanging out in her room. Ava is, naturally, startled, but Katherine is smooth as always, coolly telling Ava that the front desk clerk gave her a key to Ava's room since Katherine's paying for it. Translation:

Katherine never stops smiling as she asks where Ava was (out for a smoke), and then invites Ava to her suite for lunch: they'll get room service! Lunch in a closed room with no witnesses? Sounds great! As Katherine prepares to leave, she conversationally asks whether Ava always leaves her cigarettes behind when she "goes" for a "smoke." Thinking quickly, Ava laughs that she only smokes one at a time, and Katherine suggests that, the next time she goes, she should tell Katherine: "I don't smoke anymore but I love standing next to people who still do." YEP TOTALLY NORMAL NO IMPLIED THREAT THERE. I realize Katherine is evil, but she's also kind of the best. Ava would do well to learn everything she can from her and quit being such a whiner all the time.

Rapid-Fire Exposition About Avery Markham That Art Delivers While Making Himself A Heart Attack Breakfast

• Grady and Avery made their money selling weed.
• When Grady went to jail, Avery left, and no one knew where he went.
• The only person who ever knew who snitched on Grady -- a U.S. Attorney named Simon Poole -- got half his head blown off with a shotgun on the corner of Limestone and Barr.
• "You stray from the trail, Raylan: that's when you get lost." (In other words, Raylan shouldn't start getting bigger plans for his immediate future than finishing this and moving to Florida as planned.)

What's On The Lunch Menu In Katherine's Suite?

Just a coupla gals gabbin' over a nice room service meal! Where one gal knows everything about the other, who just has to try to follow along without stepping on any land mines! What could be more fun?

(Talking) Turkey: When Katherine does her homework, she really does her homework: she goes all the way back to Ava's career as a cheerleader in high school, who went on to marry the quarterback, who then "beat [her] senseless" until Ava "blew a hole in his chest."

Just A Sprinkle Of Envy: Katherine compares Ava's marriage to her own, saying that though she and Grady were married for twenty years and she loved him, "there were days, weeks -- months, really...My question is: when you pulled that trigger, how did it feel? 'Cause I have to think it felt great." Ava responds with tense silence.

Nose Candy: And for dessert...!

Ava tries to beg off by saying, "That's never been my thing." "Well, darlin'," says Katherine, "this is the good stuff. This is pharmaceutical grade. And believe me, you are going to need it for what I've got planned." Oh god, you're not going to take her to IKEA, are you?!

Blown Away

A suspiciously sniffly Ava joins Katherine at a jewellery store where Katherine is very friendly with Winston, the owner! While Katherine checks out tennis bracelets, she invites Ava to try something on, and while Ava demurs, Winston sets her up with a pair of pretty lovely sapphire earrings!

Handing them back, Ava drops one, and as Winston cheerfully stoops to pick it up, Katherine switches it out with a fake! ACTUALLY KATHERINE JUST CHANGED HER MIND ABOUT BUYING A TENNIS BRACELET TODAY GOTTA GO BYEEEEEEEE

In the car afterward, a still coked-up Ava hoots in celebration! She can't believe Katherine did that with all the cameras around them! Katherine shrugs that Winston will be too scared to do anything: he remembers her from when Grady was still alive and can't be sure she doesn't still have the same juice she used to -- like the juice to have him killed! "Winston used to greet me at that door with champagne, now he locks it on me. SCREW HIM." Yeah dude. Big mistake. Big. Huge!

Calhoun Schreier having directed them to the home of a couple of his friends who died, suspiciously, of carbon monoxide poisoning, Tim and Raylan have gone to the home of the couple who dared to call Ty Walker a peacock! Raylan remembers the wife, Mrs. Hutchins: she was his English teacher in high school! Tim braces himself for a story of how inspiring she was, but in fact, she sucked: "I hated her. She hated English, nearly turned me off of books. Only thing she taught me was don't do a job just for money." As Tim runs a finger over a windowsill and apparently finds it tacky to the touch, he comments that the idea of the Hutchinses dying peacefully in their sleep is "such a nice thought. That's how I want to go. I'm kidding: I want Sigourney Weaver to choke me out with her thighs." Raylan and Tim also discuss Avery's weed play -- if weed goes legal "good for Kentucky," says Raylan, but it's not cool for Avery to go around forcing homesteaders off their land in the meantime -- and then Tim shakes Raylan's hand! Feeling the sticky residue, Raylan asks what it is, and Tim explains: "Windows covered in plastic and taped shut"! Yep, smothered with Sigourney Weaver's thighs sounds more appealing to me, too!

Boyd and Wynn watch Whiz drill the Excelsior and chat! Turns out Wynn hails from Paia, on Maui! He has surfing trophies and everything! He must have REALLY lacked the aloha spirit to have gone so far awry in life! Wynn sarcastically asks where Boyd's going to go when this is all over -- "Sequester yourself in some lost corner of the globe? You speak Farsi, do you? Tunisian?" -- to which Boyd informs Wynn, "They speak Arabic in Tunisia"! I don't know if I would be so comfortable acting like a know-it-all when I'd already been dumb enough to get a swastika tattoo, Boyd, but you do you!

And then someone gets a call! Whiz barely has a chance to yell at them that he told them to leave their cell phones in the car before...well, that's going to be a series wrap on Whiz! And Wynn and Boyd are no closer to busting into that vault.

Spotted: Dickie

Who called the meeting? Raylan and Tim.

What's it about? Dickie's recent sale of the Bennett family land.

How'd it go? I feel like Jeremy Davies knew going into this that it was going to be his last scene as Dickie, because he REALLY goes for it. He's extremely grandiose at the sight of Tim and Raylan needing his help, and even more delighted to reject all the commissary treats they're promising: guess who's just found out he's diabetic? His bottom line is that there's no way he's going to co-operate with the investigation, which is when the carrot has to turn into a stick as they remind Dickie that there are ways they can make his life in prison more unpleasant. Long story short: they already know Dickie sold his land to a holding company called LM Consolidated, but Dickie knows nothing about its owners except that "the guy behind the guy is said to have been a she." Everything locks into place for Raylan, who glares as he explains, "You were so hot to start a feud with me that had long since ended, you sold your ancestral land to Loretta McCready."

Loretta vs. Avery

So Avery's sent Ty to pitch Loretta with an offer on her land -- double whatever he'd offered before -- to which she coldly lies that she'll consider it, and it's kind of hilarious to watch the unstoppable force that is Ty's will slamming directly into the immovable object that is Loretta's teenaged sullenness. As she lets him dangle, she comments that she likes a drink when she thinks, and pours him a jar of apple pie. When he reacts to the name, she drawls, "It's not sweet, but it might still give you a headache." Hee hee. She can't sit and watch Ty die in front of her quite yet, though, because Tim and Raylan show up. She's just as disgusted by them as she was by Ty, and when he steps into the kitchen doorway so that Raylan and Tim know he's there, she informs him that they're done, and Raylan -- first telling Loretta to move out of the way -- orders Ty to leave. Showing his gun, in case we thought he didn't have one, Ty gets his phone out and calls Avery.

...and then one commercial break later, Ty and Avery are entering Loretta's house, where Loretta, Tim, and Raylan are all patiently waiting around the dining room table. Avery's manners are as courtly as you could want as he smiles at Loretta, sits, reaches for the jar of apple pie, and then, since this isn't his first visit to Harlan, Avery asks Loretta to stick her pinkie in the jar and lick it -- which, after a long and tense moment, she does. And lives. After that's done, Raylan tells Avery, "I'll give you this: you've done your homework." Avery replies that he's a "corn cracker through and through." He knew Loretta's parents, and the Bennetts, which is how he knew to check the glass. He knew some Crowders, too, but no one named Givens. "Arlo's would-be kingpin ass would be heartbroken," Raylan smirks. "Story is that's thanks to you," says Avery, so I'm assuming he and Katherine got a Groupon for a PI. Loretta impatiently says she doesn't know what's happening, so Raylan lays it out: "Sell or he kills you." Loretta, with the boldness of the dumb teenager, says she doesn't want to sell her land at any price, so Raylan duly adds her property to his own on the no-sell list: "What's next is entirely based on the next choice you make." After a staring contest, Avery leans back, lights a joint, and goads Raylan: "You gonna haul me in?" "No, not for weed," says Raylan immediately. "I can assure you of that." Off Avery and Ty go to ponder what they're going to do now that they've totally given up on acquiring the Givens and McCready properties, probably.

Winner: Loretta, for now?

This Is Basically Exactly Like When Liz Lemon Got Recruited For A Rich Lady Fight Club

At the end of their crime spree, Ava and Katherine are chilling in the suite when Katherine tells a story she heard about the Clintons: they were pulling up to a gas station, which happened to be manned by Hillary's last boyfriend before Bill. When he mused about where she'd be if she'd married him, she replied, "I would be married to the President of the United States." Which I think we all can agree is true? It's also extra-cute since Mary Steenburgen is IRL friends with the Clintons. Anyway, Katherine says that was her and Grady: he was the face, but she was the one who got shit done. Ava says it must have been frustrating for Katherine not to get the credit she's due, whereupon Katherine says that taking his partner as her lover made things easier. Ava twigs that Avery was Katherine's side piece, and Katherine confirms, "Still is." She knows Avery's the one who sold out Grady, which is why she has bigger plans than jewellery store scores to get revenge: "A man as much as kills your husband, you gotta do something about him." (Officially, Grady committed suicide in prison, but as Katherine notes, the Dixie Mafia has ways to fake that.) And then Katherine's phone alarm goes off: it's time for her massage, she says, so Ava has to go. Ava thanks her for a very interesting day, and as Katherine puts her shoes back on, she comments, smoothly as she does everything, that it sure was a good thing that guard of hers recanted the way he did! Has Ava ever thought about...thanking him? Ava's high shivering out of her, she stiffly says he was just a piece of shit who finally told the truth. Katherine agrees, but says that something must have made him step up, finally, and do the right thing! If Ava ever wanted to get to the bottom of it, Katherine could find him for her! Ava declines again, saying she'd probably just stab him in the eye. Katherine: "You really are a firecracker." I mean, Katherine's not wrong; it DOES look weird from the outside that Ava's out, under the circumstances!!! Anyway, it's just another reminder of what we learned in Season 5.

Raylan and Loretta have the 500th fight over whether he is her daddy and thus has the right to tell her what to do! She's pretty sure weed will be legal nationwide within five years and she wants to keep her land her own self! Raylan asks whether her dead sainted father would want her tangling with the likes of Avery Markham! "You're saying walk away from weed," she surmises crabbily. "Look, it's good that you have goals," he replies. hee! He asks her, for his peace of mind, to post a couple of big guys outside, just for the next couple of days! And then she's released because he gets a call! FROM WHOM?!

It's Ava! And she is shitting her pants over Katherine's reference to Albert! "I'm telling you, she knows!" she hisses! Raylan doesn't think so! Since Boyd still isn't back, Raylan tells her to go to a diner; he'll send someone to go pick her up!

BUT THEN BOYD IS THERE and he cleaned up pretty well considering he was covered in Whiz a few hours ago! He's surprised to see her packing, since they have the room for the night! Doesn't she want to crawl into bed and eat ice cream? I DO! But no, she just wants to go home "and sleep in my-- in our own bed"! He relents! Oh, and Wynn told him all about her lunch with Katherine! Isn't that nice! Did she ask about Boyd? She did not! Once he knows that, he lays out his new plan: he's...stealing Avery's plan! Then they can stay in Harlan and live like kings! He's very excited! She doesn't know what to say! She doesn't have to say anything, though! He goes to take a shower!

AND THEN AVA PONDERS WHETHER SHE'S GOING TO MAKE IT BACK TO HER-- THEIR OWN BED WITH ALL THE PIECES OF HER HEAD STILL CONNECTED TO EACH OTHER!!!!!