Justified Shows Us The Florida Branch Of The Dixie Mafia

Embarrassments And Indignities Suffered By Dewey Crowe At The Hands Of/Due To Raylan Givens

• drugged and abducted from prison
• drugged and made to believe his kidneys had been removed
• had his nose broken by Raylan the first time they met...
• ...when Raylan grabbed his hair and slammed his face into a steering wheel
• hit in the nose with the butt of a shotgun
• assaulted on a dozen occasions

Putting A Price On Pain And Suffering

So Dewey and Raylan are in court because the former has brought a suit against the latter for all the times Raylan injured him; Dewey's lawyer says this case is only laying the groundwork for a larger class action suit against the Marshal Service and the Bureau Of Prisons, which is kind of a smart idea because Raylan has left a lot of humiliated idiots bleeding in his wake. But Vasquez is like, "Fuck this idiot, I'll just up the settlement offer." Reardon reminds Dewey that an offer of $20,000 has already been made, but that Vasquez "has modified it to three hundred." Dewey indignantly repudiates the notion that everything he's been through, with his kidneys and all, is only going to get him "three hundred dollars?!" Reardon's like, "Uh, no."

Getting Roughed Up By Raylan = $300,000

And can I just say that if that's the going rate for getting manhandled by Raylan, I VOLUNTEER!

Ava Is The New Black

Alert Type: Imprisoned Fiancée Alert.

Issue: Ava's been arrested for the whole Delroy thing, and is awaiting trial on a charge that's been bumped down to desecration of a corpse.

Complicating Factors: It looks like Bishop, the judge who's likely to catch Ava's case, is famously honest, which is not good news for a fiancé looking to solve his problems with bribes.

Resolution: Boyd will just go ahead and threaten Bishop's family in order to get Ava's case dismissed.

Spoiler: Oh shit, Bishop doesn't have a family!

FX's Other Bridge

Who called the meeting? Boyd.

What's it about? He wants to exchange cash for drugs.

How'd it go? Poorly. The giant truck that rolls up does not, in fact, contain any drugs at all! The guy who was going to try to steal Boyd's briefcase full of cash off him explains, kind of sheepishly, that Detroit is in disarray and the supply has been cut off. Boyd is not really that empathetic and kills the two guys who get out of the truck; then he goes around to take out a Donnie who's hanging around in back — but not before Donnie shoots through the back hatch of the truck and grazes Boyd's ear. The upshot is that a frustrated Boyd finally decides to quit dicking around with middlemen, calling Wynn (and interrupting his viewing of Wimbledon) to snap, "Pack a bag. We're going to Detroit."

Simon Lee, 1974ish-2014

Is there any more ignominious end for a Coast Guard officer than being shot by a hillbilly with a Confederate flag tattoo poking out of his stretched-out tank top? There is not. But let that be a lesson to you, Simon Lee's ghost: don't get involved with sugar bootleggers, and don't make fun of people's speech impediments. That comes from me AND our former-stutterer Vice-President.

Talking Crowes

Who called the meeting? Raylan.

What's it about? Having gotten the scoop on Simon Lee's murder and its likely connection to this guy Elvis Machato who's involved with the Crowes in Florida, Raylan wants to see what Dewey knows about that branch of the family tree, so he's come to...the bar Boyd talked Dewey into buying with his government payout. And he finds the lucky Dewey out back, skinny-dipping with a couple of ladies in his classy above-ground pool.

How'd it go? It's not terribly productive: Dewey doesn't know anything about a dead Coast Guard guy, nor about the Florida Crowes. But Raylan does get to threaten Dewey ("I'll shoot your balls off and feed them to the squirrels") and shoot a few holes in his pool, so it's not a total waste of an hour. Plus this way Raylan gets to go back to Florida to look into the matter, and hey, that's where Winona and Raylan's new baby live and he's probably dying to see them!

Love That T-Bone

When Raylan lands in Miami, he's introduced to the affable bald dude who'll be driving him around while he investigates the Lee murder. Perhaps you've seen this gentleman promoting his latest film? A LOT?

First You Get The Sugar, Then You Get The Power, Then You Get The Women

Alert Type: Dodgy Criminal Enterprise Alert.

Issue: Dilly Crowe, the aforementioned murderous stutterer, has fucked up the operation his brother Daryl had going with the aforementioned Elvis: smuggling embargoed Cuban sugar into the U.S. and selling it to sketchy candy companies. Dilly claims that he shot Lee because Lee wanted out of the scam, but Daryl is pretty sure Dilly's lying.

Complicating Factors: According to Raylan, "Dilly's the dimmest of the lot, and that's saying something." And now that he's killed a law-enforcement agent, it's (literally) going to turn into a federal case; Daryl, still on parole, doesn't need that kind of hassle.

Resolution: Daryl, with the help of his sister Wendy (who presents herself as a lawyer, then shirtily tells Daryl she's a paralegal, but is probably just a lawyer's secretary) makes a deal with Raylan to end his parole early in exchange for handing over Elvis. And though Elvis fucks up the plan by pulling a gun on Wendy in her car and escaping on foot after she turns her car into traffic and lets Elvis's side get hit by a truck, Raylan and Sutter find him trying to flee in an inflatable dinghy and, when he draws on them, shoot the shit out of him. Also, Daryl has their brother Danny stab Dilly to death.

Spoiler: Now that Daryl's out of reasons to stay in Florida, his former alligator-poaching buddy Jean "The Haitian" Baptiste suggests that they track down that newly rich cousin in Kentucky that Raylan told them about.

Detroit Shock City

Who called the meeting? Boyd and Wynn.

What's it about? You know, drugs. They want some.

How'd it go? Uh, FUCKING CRAZY?! Wynn and Boyd have to sherpa a bag of supplies and a gas can all the way to the top floor of this bombed-out building where their business partners are squatting. After they get re-frisked by a low-level henchman, the first person they see is this guy...

...who needs the gas for the CHAINSAW he's using to cut up a still-alive guy in an adjacent room. Then Wynn's and Boyd's eyes alight on this.

Henchman: "Yeah, that was last week." Then FINALLY Tonin underboss Picker emerges to explain about the drug price hike: Detroit's in a dispute with their suppliers, "The Canadians." (...WE'RE LISTENING!) Wynn and Boyd want to speak to Sammy, so Picker calls him out. Sammy's clearly fucked up in some way or other, and he's mega-nervous around Picker, particularly when the chainsaw starts up. When he steps away to get the briefcase of cash from Boyd, Picker shoots Sammy in the back of the head, then the chainsaw guy and the guy he was dismembering. Wynn and Boyd, covered in Sammy's blood, are kind of shellshocked.

But when Picker reaches out for the briefcase, Boyd smashes him in the face with it, and Boyd and Wynn turn the tables on Picker and the henchman. After getting Boyd's gun jammed in his mouth, Picker explains. He cut a deal with The Canadians: Sammy owed them $1,000,000, so between Boyd's cash and Sammy's execution, Picker thought he'd square everything and spare his own life. Boyd: "Well, it sounds like we need to have a conversation with the Canucks." Yay!

Those Cheap Canadian Drugs You're Always Hearing About

Yay, the conversation with the Canucks! Who are played by actual Canadians Dave Foley and Will Sasso! (Since Picker is played by John Kapelos, another Canadian, maybe we'll soon find out that he's a double agent.) I would like to say that the long, long discussion about the superiority of Tim Hortons is inaccurate Canadian stereotyping, but I regret to report that it's actually dead-on. Anyway: like all good Canadians, these guys appreciate organization, and since the Tonins are horribly disorganized at the moment, they're closing the pipeline. They reluctantly agree to provide Boyd and Wynn with one more shipment, while will arrive at some vague point "soon," and Boyd even more reluctantly pays them for it. But once they've left, Picker warns Boyd that he's going to have to find a supplier in Mexico now. NO! I DEMAND MORE POLITE YET PRAGMATIC CANADIAN CRIMINALS.

Thanks, "Video Caller"!

So even though Raylan spent at least two days in Florida — apparently within driving distance, as Sutter kept hinting — he never did make it to see Winona and his brand-new daughter and Winona never knew he was anywhere close, but he's happy enough to talk to them on "Video Caller" and learn that, per Winona, their daughter is a genius. Did he punk out on the visit because, as Sutter suggested, it's so hard to say goodbye that he's scared even to say hello? Or is it that Winona is still on The Following? (PS Natalie Zea apparently doesn't have kids, and it shows because the way she's holding this baby is awkward as fuck.)

Paxton Funeral Home = Fisher & Sons

Hope Someone Arranged A Pre-Need

Who called the meeting? Boyd.

What's it about? Having figured out that he won't be able to get Ava's charges dropped by threatening the family Judge Bishop doesn't have, he's approaching his old friend Paxton with an alternate offer: he'll give Paxton $300,000 not to testify.

How'd it go? Pretty bad. Paxton wants Boyd to beg, and then, when Boyd does, he's like, "Psych." He doesn't need Boyd's money, but he offers to call the sheriff to witness as Boyd takes the rap for Ava — except he says he knows Boyd won't do that because he doesn't actually love her enough. Body's response to that is to...pull out his gun and beat Paxton most if not all the way to death. Then Paxton's mail-order bride Mara comes in. "I think he bumped his head." - Boyd. Mara gasps that Boyd killed Paxton, and Boyd snarks, "Is that your medical opinion?" because Paxton told him that Mara was a doctor in Latvia before deciding to try her luck with a gross old man in America. So then Boyd offers to pay Mara what he was going to pay Paxton (which he claims was $100,000) to keep her mouth shut, and she says she'll say it was a burglar, and Boyd's like, "But WILL you?" and she's like, "You can either kill me or believe me," and Boyd's like, "True," and leaves, and then Mara leans over Paxton, cooing that she'll take care of him. Bad times. Or maybe awesome times, depending on how gross she thought Paxton was.