Raylan Of Hassle Manor

You Can't Spell "Trust" Without "Us," Boyd

As his henchmen deal with the aftermath of the bloody shootout/drug hijacking of the last episode, Boyd calls Wynn to ask whether Wynn ripped him off. Of course, Wynn is the obvious culprit, but then again, Wynn is the obvious culprit, and he certainly sounds pretty pissed off that the supply is gone as he reminds Boyd about who knew when the re-up was coming — including "that unwashed room full of corner boys." Uh oh, Cyrus. This does not look good for your disgruntled ass.

Dude, You're Stopping All The Nudity!

Alert Type: Dirtbag Alert.

Issue: Just when Raylan and Allison are starting to get far enough along in their out-making for Raylan's hair to get mussed, Boyd-style...

...and for people's shirts to have come off...

...Monroe's car alarm goes off and Raylan goes out to find this dirtbag with a baseball bat.

Complicating Factors: Art just called Raylan to warn him that Monroe just posted bail, so Raylan reasonably assumes that this dude is hired help sent to scare Raylan out of staying at Monroe's house and/or driving Monroe's car.

Resolution: This guy has nothing to do with Monroe: his name is Henry, and he's after Allison, on the grounds that (according to him) she planted meth in his house so that Henry Jr. would be removed from his care. The more this story circulates, the more everyone seems to agree that Allison probably did plant meth for this purpose, and everyone seems okay with it. But did she? Hm.

Spoiler: Raylan's poor decision to share his suspicions about Henry with Monroe starts Monroe on his own whole ill-starred revenge plot.

Between The Mooney And New York City

Alert Type: Goon End-Run Alert.

Issue: Now that Paxton is out of his coma, he has a lot of ideas about how to deal with the guy who put him in one in the first place: to wit, he wants Mooney to kill Boyd.

Complicating Factors: After Mooney pulled that stunt where he threatened Mara and called her a whore, she's not that psyched about throwing in her lot with him.

Resolution: Mara tells some deputy or other that Boyd's been driving past her house and she's freaked out, so Mooney goes over there and finds the door wide open and Mara coming out of the shower. While he's good and distracted by her nudity, Boyd gets the jump on him and Mara grabs Mooney's nuts...hard. They offer Mooney money to tell Paxton that he killed Boyd.

Spoiler: No person in this arrangement should probably trust either of the other ones.

Unsmiley Cyrus

Who called the meeting? Boyd and Wynn.

What's it about? They're pretty sure stupid Cyrus is the rat who got the shipment stolen.

How'd it go? Poorly for Cyrus, who gets shot in the face with his own stupid air gun. But pretty well for Boyd and Wynn, who get Cyrus to admit that he did tell Candy about the shipment. After all, Cyrus never really had any chance against Candy and her off-brand Pop Rocks.

A Crowe In The Hand...

Alert Type: Forensic Accounting Alert.

Issue: Daryl's hanging around Harlan planning to help Dewey manage his money.

Complicating Factors: Dewey's too scared to tell Daryl to beat it.

Resolution: On Daryl's advice, Dewey goes to Boyd to complain that he overpaid and try to get $100K back. Okay, $50K!

Spoiler: Boyd's not going to give Dewey back shit.

Put Him Back In, He's Not Done Yet

Monroe's bail may not entitle him access to any of the seized property Raylan is currently enjoying, but that doesn't seem to bother "the maid," Gloria, who's very happy to have Monroe around because she was sick of having to "get by without it all that time." Gross. Monroe suggests that she could have called one of the "mandingos" he thinks she sees on the side. Grosser. Then he decides to satisfy his curiosity about the dirtbag Raylan told him stopped by the manse, and chokes Gloria — not to death, just long enough to scare her into assuring him that she didn't offer any of her childhood friends/side pieces access to the gold that's still in a hidden safe in the house. He lets her come up for air briefly, and then smothers her with a pillow. When she surfaces this time, she reminds him about a certain Duffy that installed the safe in the first place. He wants her to go back and get the gold before anyone finds it, whereas I think he should be thinking less about the gold and more about how to be in a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship!

Go Fish

Gloria is either terrible at being a criminal or is trying to get caught, because after gaining access to the house on the errand of checking on Monroe's $100,000 koi, she is almost immediately discovered by Raylan and Rachel (who's been Raylan's roomie ever since the first appearance of Henry Dirtbag) opening Monroe's gold-filled safe. The Marshals tell her to go back to Monroe and tell him the safe was empty. I hope she plans to tell him this while standing in a doorway from which she can easily start running and never stop. You're free now, Gloria!

Raylan shows up at Wynn's RV to protect him from Monroe, on the (correct) assumption that Monroe's on his way there to kill Wynn for supposedly stealing all the gold out of his safe!

While Wynn is inside being dubious about whether Raylan's actually there to guard Wynn and kind of shitty about the fact that Raylan's protecting Wynn from a calamity of Raylan's own creation, there's a shootout in the parking lot and Monroe gets hit! (But lives.)

At Boyd's, Mara and Boyd plot their next move, with Mara getting Boyd to take off his shirt so she can inspect his tattoos! Supposedly it's so she can see what's where and then put them on some other corpse they sneak out of Paxton's funeral home!

But then she puts his hand in her crotch and I'm pretty sure it's not because she wanted a better look at it! I'm also pretty sure that since Ava's already getting pissed at Boyd for being insufficiently attentive while she's in the joint, this is going to end horribly!

Raylan tells Allison that the gold is going to a warehouse and that Monroe will probably be convicted now that there are all these new charges, and she gets him to ask if he didn't, at any point, think she might be involved in Gloria and Monroe's whole scheme, and if he didn't wish she was because he's an adrenaline junkie! Speaking of which, what if there are more treasures in the mansion — like in her pants!

On Boyd's advice, Dewey comes raging into the brothelbar, only to learn that Daryl roughed up Messer and found out that Messer's been skimming like 80% of the place's revenue!

Dewey can't believe Daryl's going to kill Messer, and Daryl says he isn't: Dewey is!

Boyd finds himself opposite a wooden trunk containing a terrified Candy. He's like, "Where is he?" and she says she doesn't know, but that "he" called her and told her he'd pay her if she found out when the drugs were coming in, so she did!

Boyd looks at her cell phone and calls Candy's benefactor. "Hey, darlin'," says a man's voice. And Boyd goes, "Hello, Cousin Johnny"!!!!!