Raylan Learns That If You Cross Art, You're Gonna Get Walk-Ins

Little Boy Lost

It's not like any of the Crowes were really model parental figures before they started working with Boyd, but now that they're preoccupied with this new criminal sideline, Kendal is really getting lost in the shuffle. He starts the episode trying to get Daryl's attention -- presumably to tell him how Danny TOTALLY KILLED JEAN-BAPTISTE -- but letting himself get stared down by Danny. Later, he tries to pull Wendy aside in between her trips to and from Lexington to mess with Allison and Raylan, of which more later. Finally, he has no choice but to call up an "Uncle Jack" and ask where he's living. Let's hope the answer is Anchorage and that he'll PayPal plane fare.

When Life Gives You Lemons, Traffic Drugs

Alert Type: Lean In Alert.

Issue: Ava is still getting intimidating looks from Gretchen, and since Boyd has missed visiting hours, she's starting to realize she might be on her own.

Complicating Factors: According to Penny, the second-cutest inmate at this particular prison, the best course for Ava to organize her own protection is to fall in with Judith in worshipping the Heavenly Mother.

Translation: become part of a drug trafficking operation that will require her to have sex with (or at least give a beej to -- it's not totally clear) one of the guards who's in on the scheme.

Resolution: As soon as Ava realizes what's up, she slips the heroin she's supposed to remove into the tool bag of the plumber who brought it in and gets him fired...whereupon she tells Judith that she can arrange for a new supplier. Though Judith is suspicious that their connection got pinched on Ava's first day, she goes along with it, though she warns that the hard part isn't getting the heroin -- it's getting it into the prison. But Penny says she might be able to handle that.

Spoiler: If Ava's counting on Boyd to supply her, she probably shouldn't.

Know Your Limit, Play Within It, And Don't Trust Charles Monroe

Raylan's shift starts at 7 AM (gross) (wait, I forgot I usually get to my desk around 6:30) (but at least I don't have to look presentable at that time of day and never do!) so that -- as he learns -- he can deal with walk-ins. One such walk-in is Larry Salmeron, who's furious that the Marshals have seized an online backgammon site he's been playing on -- Charles Monroe owns it, remember him? -- and with it, all of Larry's winnings, which are considerable. But when Raylan pulls up the site's homepage, he notices something.

When the Marshals Service seizes a website, it usually spells its own name right. Larry leaves without satisfaction, and we learn something pretty remarkable -- to wit, how much money a person can make playing backgammon online, I mean I know this is fictional, but still, no wonder Larry's so mad!

How Much Money A Person Can Make Playing Backgammon Online = $250,000

Superphreak

After telling Rachel and Tim all about his walk-in (and taking a bunch of shit for having let him leave), Raylan learns what's probably going on: Monroe used a known associate to dummy up the fake notice about the fake seizure so that Monroe could abscond with all their money. Let's meet him, he seems cool!

Think All The Way Through Your Plan To Menace A Hacker, And Pay Your Muscle Fairly

Larry, I think we all understand where you were going, storming into T.C.'s apartment with a hired goon and surreptitiously recording him while he explained that your money was all bits and that he couldn't actually physically lay hands on it exactly when you wanted him to. But maybe you shouldn't have been so brazen about your plan to call the cops with the confession and been so specific about wanting to recover $250K when you were only paying your goon $5000. I guess it's sad that you met your end getting shot through the phone...

...but sometimes we bring heartache on ourselves.

Los Crowders

After engaging the Crowes, at the end of the last episode, to help him kill Johnny, Boyd busts in with his hired help to the warehouse where he thought Johnny was going to be, but duh, he's not. Boyd guesses that he's already gone to Mexico. And Boyd is right!

Mexico FAQ

Q: Are tourists made to feel welcome in Mexico?
A: Tourists? Sure. Drug traffickers will have to have their heads covered in black bags while they're driven to undisclosed locations for their business meetings.

Q: What's it like doing business with Mexican drug wholesalers?
A: If a deal seems too good to be true, it probably is! You might enter into a deal with a supplier only to learn that he's just fine selling to your cousin Johnny if Johnny can come up with more cash than you.

Q: I use a lot of product to achieve my hair look. What will a ride in a black bag do to it?
A: You probably won't be happy.

Wendy Achieves Her End By Using Her Secret Weapon: Her Sexuality

Alert Type: Crazy "Buddy" Alert.

Issue: Wendy has been meeting with Allison's boss behind Allison's back, whilst wearing a very tight leather skirt..

Complicating Factors: Unfortunately, Wendy has enough street smarts and book smarts to clear Allison out of her path and keep her away from Kendal: she uses her paralegal skillz to go through the public records and find all the cases where Allison's judgments were considered questionable, and between those, an old pot charge, and the fact that Allison's dating Raylan, making her seem sketchy is not actually that hard.

Resolution: Allison gets suspended for two weeks.

Spoiler: Judging by the way Wendy hits on Raylan, she doesn't consider this matter to be closed.

Mexico's Getting Kind Of Crowdered

Kent, Larry's hired muscle, gets annoyed that it's going to take T.C. six to eight hours to get his virtual hands on all of Larry's money...

...because "something looks like a cop" just pulled up outside!

T.C. suggests that maybe Larry's call made it through and that Kent should leave, and Kent agrees -- but he's taking Candace, T.C.'s girlfriend, as collateral!

So while Raylan passes Kent and Candace on the stairs (and Kent is, weirdly, really aggressive with Raylan so that Raylan pretty much groks what's actually going on)...

...T.C. fills a gym bag with cash (deciding to leave Candace to her own devices, I guess)...

...but then Raylan enters...

...and sees the blood that Candace was trying to clean up before she was abducted...

...so T.C. decides to throw his prosthetic leg out the window and follow it out!

Axe, Ungrinded

Tim says it best: "Between the one-legged evaporating computer nerd and the walk-in this morning, you're on fire this morning." Raylan knows he hasn't exactly covered himself with glory, and he has plans for revenge. REVENGE I TELL YOU. First stop: T.C., who just published a blog most about having made a "US Marshall" his bitch. Too bad Raylan's still on Art's shit list and getting jammed out of all the cool stuff.

MOVE

Is There No Honour Among Drug Dealers?

Who called the meeting? Lord, who can even remember anymore. Johnny or Boyd or Yoon or Hot Rod.

What's it about? Which of the Crowder boys is going to get to buy all the drugs.

How'd it go? Boyd and Johnny are rehashing past wrongs -- Johnny apparently still smarting from an incident when they were kids and Boyd gave Johnny two weeks to close the deal with some girl Johnny liked and then went after her himself when Johnny didn't/couldn't -- and then the SUV pulls up, one of Johnny's goons gets out and flashes a bag of cash, and that's it: Johnny wins the bid. Ruiz hands Boyd off to Johnny, saying they don't care what Johnny does with him, as long as he doesn't kill Boyd in Mexico, since Yoon et al don't need to attract the kind of attention a dead gringo brings. Good meeting for Johnny! Maybe the first in his whole worthless life!

Just Because That Was His Last Crappy Girlfriend Doesn't Mean It's His Type...? I Hear He's Really Into TV Commentators!

When Raylan takes Allison out for a drink to un-celebrate her suspension, she relays the gist of her chat with Wendy, and honestly, if this turned into a three way, literally no one anywhere would be mad about it.

And then they find out that the waitress has to cut up Raylan's card because he's broke. DAMN THAT HACKERRRRRRR!

Clipper Ships Sail On The Ocean

Thumbs up to T.C.'s phone phreaking skillz and the Marshals' intense interest in apprehending him: thinking they're following a wifi signal from a hotel they assume is where T.C. is staying, they bust in on Kent and Candace in the middle of creepy Kent's monologue about boats or some shit. So T.C.'s still in the wind...but at least Candace isn't going to get her arm shot off. Today.

Raylan and Tim talk to Candace, who doesn't care that T.C. would sometimes hit her but does care that he denigrated her coding! She tells them exactly where they can find him, and you'll never guess, but...

...it's T.C.'s grandma's basement! And they take his prosthetic leg in case he plans to use it as a weapon!

And then Raylan and T.C. have a pretty sweet bro-hang in the car, with T.C. sharing that he lost his leg to cancer as a teenager and started winning TVs and stuff in radio contests because PHONE PHREAK! He also promises to get Raylan all his money back as soon as he can get to a computer...and if Raylan will put in a good word for T.C. and make that happen, he'll teach Raylan how to be Caller #7!

Rachel tells Raylan that Art told her to tell Raylan that Daryl's parole's not going to get reinstated because Wendy bitched to a judge in Florida! And Raylan is so incensed that Art's not telling him directly, plus that Art is punishing him by putting him on walk-ins and whatever else...

...that he storms into Art's office to confront him! Art says that if Raylan doesn't like it, he can quit! Raylan says that Art should either be cool with Raylan again or else transfer him! And then Art calls Raylan's bluff and says he'll transfer Raylan to Florida, so Raylan's like, just kidding, I'm okay here, I'm just going to take a vacation and totally go see my child as far as you know! They'll deal with this personal stuff when Raylan gets back! I sure hope Art doesn't die of a heart attack or something when he and Raylan have unfinished business (and I don't know what's going to happen, I've just seen TV before)!

Raylan drinks with Wendy and needles her about how she might have a law degree by now if not for her always having to clean up Daryl's shit! She needles him back about the child he never sees! Raylan wants Wendy to help him get Daryl! She doesn't seem that receptive but who knows what the future might bring!

Johnny drives a still-cuffed Boyd to a truck in Middle Of Nowhere, Mexico, and positions him to watch while all the drugs Boyd's not going to get to buy get unloaded! But when they open the back of the truck...

...it's not full of drugs, it's full of thugs! Boyd wins again! Yoon was in on it all along! He tells Johnny's goons that they can move the product over the border and then go back to working for HR and they're like, totally! But just as Boyd is starting to pontificate about how some men lead and some follow, Daryl signals Danny, and Danny yells, "Don't do it!" and he and Daryl start shooting Johnny's goons! Boyd screams, "What the hell are you doing?!" and Danny screams back, "They pulled on me!" even though they look kind of unarmed! Daryl sidles over to Danny, taking Boyd's side! Danny claims he didn't have a choice!

Johnny makes the mistake of cracking up at Boyd's situation, because the ONE THING no one was supposed to do was kill any white people in Mexico and now that's exactly what Boyd's unreliable hired hands have done!

So Boyd shoots Johnny because at this point why wouldn't he?

Boyd takes out his phone and tells whoever answers to let Mr. Yoon know they have a problem! Forget Yoon: SOMEONE CALL OLIVIA POPE!!!!!