You Could Guest-Star On SVU If...

We probably all wondered how Alec Baldwin would follow the unceremonious cancellation of his MSNBC talk show after his use of a gay slur. (In case you thought that experience might have led him to be a bit more guarded in his public statements, it did not.) But even though Baldwin can't be a broadcaster anymore, he can still act -- and will, soon, in an as-yet-unspecified role on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit.

This latest guest casting -- in a season that's already featured B-listers like Cybill Shepherd, Shiri Appleby, and Rosanna Arquette -- got me thinking about how the show's producers decide which actors to approach. Prestige, shock value, promo-readiness...there's a lot to consider! Multiple Emmy winner Baldwin may seem like he'd be too big for SVU, until you consider that of the nine other actors who, along with Baldwin, were nominated for Oscars in 2004, two others have already guested on the show, one of whom won in her category. (That would be Marcia Gay Harden, who had a recurring role as FBI Agent Dana Lewis and won her Oscar for Pollock. HEY GIRL!)

So what may qualify an actor for an SVU guest shot? He or she should fall into one or more of the following categories.

Sitcom Star Acting Against Type In A Blatant Emmy Bid

You're used to seeing their mugging or catchphrases set to a laugh track. Now they want you to know how very serious they can be when a fictional rape is involved -- especially if they committed the crime! As they squeeze out the tears, you can practically see them writing their Emmy speeches in their heads.

Already Did It: Bronson Pinchot; Bob Saget.

Could Totally Still Do It: Jean Smart; Tim Reid.

Slumming Broadway Legend

If you've ever opened a Playbill, you've seen an SVU credit. Sometimes it's not that far from a Tony win. Hey, the show is probably shooting in their building -- why not make an appearance and give the theatre queens a thrill?

Already Did It: Bernadette Peters; Raúl Esparza.

Could Totally Still Do It: Harvey Fierstein; Patti LuPone.

Controversial Standup Comic

Their big mouths have gotten them into trouble in the past; now they're bringing all that edge to a dramatic role that shows they can do gravitas.

Already Did It: Kathy Griffin; Jerry Lewis.

Could Totally Still Do It: Adam Carolla; Sarah Silverman.

Grown-Up Child Star

When you've watched someone grow up almost literally before your eyes, it gives the episode a little extra juice if you have to hear about her suffering vaginal trauma, or him causing it.

Already Did It: Sofia Vassilieva; Fred Savage.

Could Totally Still Do It: Logan Lerman; Kiernan Shipka.

Right-Wing Weirdo

A good way for Hollywood Republicans to get their faces in front of liberals who normally only see them hanging out at the RNC? Show up on a network drama series that's...actually pretty conservative in its values.

Already Did It: Adam Baldwin; Janine Turner.

Could Totally Still Do It: Patricia Heaton; Jon Voight.

Past Oscar Nominee/Winner

No one makes a bigger splash in a network promo than a movie star, and the ones who've won Oscars are the movie-starriest of all!

Already Did It: Jeremy Irons; Robin Williams.

Could Totally Still Do It: Halle Berry; Chris Cooper.

Stuntcast Freak Show

Why not attract people outside the normal viewing audience by casting some rando who can promote the show to their inexplicable hundreds of thousands of Twitter followers?

Already Did It: LuAnn de Lesseps; Mike Tyson.

Could Totally Still Do It: Donald Trump; Kim Kardashian.