There Is No One On Mad Men Roger Sterling Couldn't Hook Up With

There's a moment, toward the end of the latest Mad Men, when Roger Sterling and Jim Cutler find each other alone together in an elevator.

Roger and Jim have had kind of a trying day. Pete, in Los Angeles, has landed a potential whale of a client: the Southern California Chevrolet Dealers' Association. But since SC&P are also in business with the Chevrolet manufacturers, Jim wants to touch base with Bob Benson, in Detroit, before Pete proceeds. And since Roger thinks Pete should get to keep his whale, Roger and Jim have exchanged somewhat testy words on a conference call with the coast. But when this chance meeting (or is it?) comes along, and Roger tells Jim, "I set Pete straight," Jim takes the opportunity to express his...let's call it respect. "I'd hate to think of you as an adversary," he tells Roger deliberately. Slightly more quietly and hoarsely, he adds, "I'd really hate that."

Since my esteemed colleague John Ramos already noted in his post on the Season 7 premiere that Roger's sexual horizons have almost certainly expanded enough to include gentlemen, my interpretation of this moment between him and Jim was: Jim was signaling Roger that he's Interested. (Whether or not Roger is Interested in doing anything, I am interested in seeing it.) And it occurred to me that the reason I jumped straight to Roger boning Jim is not just that I am a pervert but that this fucker has chemistry with everyone on the show. Don't believe me? WELL I RAN THE NUMBERS AND IT'S TRUE. Here are just a few examples (that DON'T include the continuing characters we know he nailed and the one who died at her desk).

Roger + Jim Cutler

They'd initially find flirty common ground about: All the "massaging" they have to do for clients.

Things would escalate when: Jim splashes vodka on Roger's floor while pouring him a drink and they both get down on the floor to clean it up.

And before you know it, they're: Taking turns "servicing" the "accounts."

But things would gracefully end with: Jim expressing an interest in Mona and Roger cheerfully giving his blessing with a handshake and a bottle of Canadian Club.

Roger + Peggy Olson

They'd initially find flirty common ground about: Their shared hatred of Lou.

Things would escalate when: Roger, having fallen asleep in his office and making to stumble home after 11 PM, rolls past Peggy, still working at her desk and in the process of undoing her bra.

And before you know it, they're: "Banging out" some "taglines."

But things would gracefully end as: The next day, Roger acts like nothing happened, and no one is better at that shit than Peggy "Secret Baby" Olson.

Roger + Stan Rizzo

They'd initially find flirty common ground about: What a rigid pain in the ass Peggy is most of the time.

Things would escalate when: Roger, reaching past Stan for a mug in the kitchen, "accidentally" brushes his beard with the back of his wrist. And then brushes it again. And then just buries both hands all up in it.

And before you know it, they're: Sketching each other in the nude, while Jim Cutler watches through a keyhole.

But things would gracefully end as: Peggy wanders up, cluelessly asks what's going on, and kills the moment.

Roger + Trudy Campbell

They'd initially find flirty common ground about: What a rigid pain in the ass Pete is most of the time. Also: casual, race track-adjacent racism.

Things would escalate when: Roger runs into Trudy at her country club and reminds himself of the elegant, comfortingly repressed high WASP lifestyle he's missing with his harem of filthy hippies.

And before you know it, they're: Tearing into each other's tennis whites and committing a "double fault."

But things would gracefully end as: Trudy gets hers and immediately slaps Roger in the face for his impertinence. Classic WASP! Classic Trudy!

Roger + Bob Benson

They'd initially find flirty common ground about: The most convenient methods of mom disposal.

Things would escalate when: Bob takes a visiting Roger out to a Detroit club, where they share a joint and lower their inhibitions.

And before you know it, they're: Visiting "downtown Motown" together.

But things would gracefully end as: Roger gets on a plane back to JFK and Bob moves on to his next mark.

Roger + Betty Francis

They'd initially find flirty common ground about: Don's scandalous secrets and how much he fucked them over while (more or less) keeping them.

Things would escalate when: Roger attends a political fundraiser Henry's office organized and makes sure he's in the right position to press the flesh with Betty.

And before you know it, they're: Finding a back room and "gerrymandering."

But things would gracefully end as: Betty lights a cigarette and dismisses Roger with it.

Roger + Don Draper

They'd initially find flirty common ground about: Booze.

Things would escalate when: Out for a mostly liquid dinner, Roger finally gets drunk enough to ask Don about what he's noticed is a huge hog.

And before you know it, they're: Ordering cocktails with one hand (each) and roughly jerking each other off under the table with the others.

But things would gracefully end as: Roger tells Don he can come back to work, and they go back to being jocular frenemies, without benefits.