Screen: WEtv
'I'm A Little Mad At This Show For Making Me Empathize With Heidi'
Tyson blows up Rachel's spot, Heidi gets drunk and mean, and your editors try to keep up.
Our Players
Hello, I'm East Coast Editor Sarah D. Bunting.
Hello, I'm contributor Stephanie Green.
Hello, I'm West Coast Editor Tara Ariano.
The Talk
Hello, ladies. I look forward to seeing if either of you could make sense of anything Jim said in this episode. "You can't win a fight if there's only one winner"? H...enh?
"When we played the blame game outside, every one of you wanted to think you were right." Yes, THANK you, Jim, for articulating the ENTIRE POINT of that stupid exercise.
And for making Spencer say "balls" a lot of times. jk, go to hell for doing that.
They've got the "extremely literal challenge" part of their exercises down pat; where I feel they slightly falter is in leading the boot campers to any sort of insight as a result of participating in them?
Tara, exactly. The medicine ball blame game in particular was about as literal as it could get -- LITERALLY hurling accusations at one another -- and then the big takeaway lesson was "Don't do that anymore." I guess?
I don't know, I think Syleena figured it out. "It's all fun and games until somebody gets shot." I mean, her earrings have three Starbuckses and a congressman. She's got SOMETHING figured out.
Syleena was my fave this episode. Syleena, unlikely, shrieking voice of reason.
Poor Rachel, unable to get these drunk simpletonians out of her room.
The fact that she was engaging with drunkazoid, melting-faced Heidi at all was a poor choice on Rachel's part. It took Syleena screaming, "THIS IS NONE OF OUR BUSINESS" to make a dent in that situation.
True. HOWEVER, I was grateful that Rachel sparked the first thing this whole season that's been a little bit compelling/scandalous. What is she doing for eight hours after texting Tyson that she's on her way home?!
Going to Costco for his conditioner?
OHHHHHHHH
It's hard to get a read on Rachel. She didn't seem super-embarrassed to be called out for (possibly) cheating on her terrible boyfriend. She seems to have zero emotions outside of frustration at not being married to said terrible boyfriend.
That's one more emotion than I get from her, Stephanie. I think she's just doing her part to get them a paycheck.
Yeah, maybe I'm giving her too much credit.
It did kind of seem like he had decided to come up with his own script and didn't let her in on it. "Where are you on those nights?!" "...at the bar? Where I work?"
And if this is such a huge issue, why are we just hearing about it now, THREE whole episodes into the season? All of their deepest, darkest secrets should have been exposed AGES ago.
Also, I don't buy that if she IS cheating on him, he even gives a shit.
Exactly. I think she isn't, if only because you have to have a real relationship in the first place in order to cheat on the person within it. But speaking of dark secrets, I think Tara identified one about Spencer. Tara, would you like to share with the group?
Sure: I think Spencer's drawing at the top of the episode -- and his beaming pride at same -- is possibly evidence that he might be mentally delayed, for real. Your thoughts.
Huh. That's not the evidence I thought you'd pick!
Oh, I totally thought he was joking.
haha, Sarah, what did you think I meant? Wait, let me guess: SNIPER POSE?!
Not that one either! I thought it was when he and Heidi were blame-balling and he was like, "You want me to give you a small person thing, and I want not that place nouns garbage having a stroke."
I was too distracted by Heidi's sad, sideways throwing of the medicine ball to even pay attention the words in that exchange. I think it has something to do with depth perception issues caused by her cheek implants.
I'm a little mad at this show for making me empathize with Heidi. She thinks she's done all the right things in the right order and Spencer is ruining her life plan.
After she teamed up with that dick Natalie to try to rub it in Rachel's face that they're so much better because they're wives, I stopped being able to empathize with her about anything.
...yeah, that was not great. I did find it funny that Natalie and Heidi didn't consider that maybe they don't have much to brag on in their marriages considering that they're ALL IN COUPLES' THERAPY.
Do you guys think Heidi was for real with that drunken tirade in which she demanded that Rachel pay tribute to her for being a wife? Like being married to Spencer is some big accomplishment? And like Rachel owes them respect because they've managed not to get divorced/kill each other in the last six years?
Alas, I do.
Yep, me too.
God.
Having married Spencer is the "accomplishment" the world knows her for, if they know her at all.
I did appreciate the glazed-over quality of Rachel's gaze as she listened to Heidi lose her shit.
Such a classic drunk moment, too. "You're not even making eye contact with meeeeee!" Take the hint, Cocktails McGee.
I think my favourite running gag of the season is how Aviva and Reid think they're better than all of this.
But did you guys notice how scarily aggressive Reid was during the blame-ball exercise? He hurled that thing at Aviva. I think he was aiming for her bad leg.
He hates her for sure. And I need to know more about why she's driven a wedge between him and his parents. I wish I thought the show had the budget to fly them out.
Instead they had to settle for Tyson cry-voicing some shit about his grandpa.
As a RHONY consumer, I think I can take a stab at why Aviva has driven a wedge: she's THE WORST. But some details would be interesting!
Doesn't she also have a whole weird creepy thing with her OWN dad?
She's psychotically selfish, arrogant, and socially tone-deaf, and yes, her dad's a creepy molester (literally) with zero respect for women, and she thinks he's ADORABLE. Aviva's dad, based purely on the behavior that was filmed for RHONY, should probably facing sexual-assault charges. He's truly terrible. So, I mean, good luck, apple, with that whole "falling far from tree" thing.
It's quite remarkable, then, that in THIS group, she seems relatively likable and sane.
Only because she hasn't gotten enough camera time. Trust me, she's neither of those things.
But as long as she's not Natalie, she's aces in my book. I HATE NATALIE REALLY A LOT.
Sarah, I sense that you’re keeping it 100 right now.
I don't disagree but I am also so sick of Jacob's slut-shaming! You want your future children to be raised by one of Warren Jeffs's ex-wives, you should have married one!
Oh, 100 with you (gahhhhh) on that, Tara.
It's puzzling that of all the things one could complain about re: Natalie, Jacob focuses on her ass career. That seems like the LEAST offensive thing about her. Also, when Natalie went on her wedding dress rampage, I like how Jacob was all, "She just likes to vent." Hi, emotionally abused much, Jacob?
So have we changed any of our predictions? Except to downgrade Rachel and Tyson's status from "will break up" to "broke up years ago."
NOPE. I still think Tyson and Rachel are dunzo.
Weirdly, their dispute at the center of this episode just makes me think they're united in their lifetime commitment to...whatever they're doing.
Well, given Elizabeth's 80% success rate, surely only one of these couples is bound to break up, so I guess we'll see!