Screens: Lifetime
'I Would Buy That Yellow Dress Even Though It Is The Yellowest Thing Since A Case Of Jaundice Scrambled Some Eggs Inside A Lemon.' 'On The Sun.'
This year's QVC challenge has the designers doing ready-to-wear separates, plus a fashion-forward companion. Who's ready for primetime? Your editors discuss!
Our Players
Hello, I'm East Coast Editor Sarah D. Bunting.
Hello, I'm West Coast Editor Tara Ariano.
The Talk
Since Alyssa Milano had her fashion more or less in hand this week, let's start with Helen's unwelcome return to snide form. Shut up, Helen! We've seen that cape-style arm cut and wing back from you a frillion times! It's about as fashion-forward as a Teva!
Given how much shit she talked, I was really expecting something special from her, and then she sent out that black-on-black yawn? What a letdown. If we may return to Alyssa for just a moment, though: I'm going to need a shopping source for her runway statement earrings. Ditto Michelle's...
...who, by the way, I thought was really unfairly judged this week. I thought her QVC separates would have been very much at home on the network, and yes, I mean that as a compliment. The print was fun and fresh and interesting, and when she says she knows how to dress women of all sizes, I actually believe it. Her colour-blocking and side panels showed she actually thought about making garments that would work on a variety of potential customers.
I agree. The judges did seem to try to put their feelings about the print aside -- I see what Isaac was saying about it, but I liked its retro feel and that color is flattering on almost everyone -- but Michelle should have landed in the top just for not perpetrating another cropped top upon us all. Seriously, fashion: there are maybe four women who can wear those and exactly none of them is a QVC customer.
Yeeeeeeeees. And pairing a crop top with a high-waisted bottom is not the answer because...most women can't wear those either, nor do they want to if they still wake up screaming from nightmares about the jeans on the first season of Friends. I was really only happy Sonjia won for spite reasons (HELEN); to me, those did not look like pieces that would fly out of the QVC warehouse.
To me either, but I loved them both so much. I would buy that yellow dress even though it is the yellowest thing since a case of jaundice scrambled some eggs inside a lemon.
On the sun.
And I thought Sonjia's were actually reminiscent of something Michelle would do, but that's not a complaint. I've always liked her designs and now Michelle herself is growing on me, which is a weird sensation. Meanwhile, her PRAS inverse, Fabio, struggled this week. I love him and respect his designs while loathing the pastel stories he tends to tell (I did dig that skort, though; the length felt fresh, like a skort-muda), and that "fashion-forward" dress, oo-fah. He was lucky to escape.
The fashion-forward dress, for me, was half a good idea? I actually thought the print was pretty -- springlike, Monet-ish. But then she turned around and there was that gathered bustle situation.
I get that they hear phrases like "fashion-forward" and think "I have to do a shape they've never seen before," but like, sometimes there's a reason we haven't seen it before, and it's that it's not functional or flattering. There was nothing especially fashion-forward about Dmitry's yellow lace thing -- and seriously, enough with the one-shoulder concept, it's your swimsuit all over again -- but at least it was wearable.
Augh, DMITRY. Look: I love Dmitry. I usually love his work. I would knock you down to make out with his pronunciation of things like "Stook Exchainge." But that shit was dated and cheap. Neoprene is not "new," guys. I own a neoprene pencil, and I dress like the vice principal of the Wes Anderson Middle School.
I saw a neoprene-ish skirt on Gap.com yesterday, so that's your point made right there. Then there's the boot: poor Jay. When he VOed as he left the runway that he was just out of fucks to give (I'm paraphrasing), I thought, "Well, we saw that red dress. We know." That said, as soon as Isaac and Alyssa said how to fix those waxed pants -- shorten them and taper them -- I was heartbroken that wasn't what we saw. Because speaking of Gap Inc.? They were describing a luxe fabric turned into an Old Navy Pixie Pant, and that is an item I want to buy.
Jay was probably on borrowed time, and thanks to an early talking-head with him I was unsurprised to see him go, but I really liked his QVC outfit...when I saw it in Uniqlo last year, and that isn't a clock. You're totally right that if he makes those tweaks, it's super-saleable. It's just a little...I don't know. "Street" for QVC? And the dress had no relationship to it, although his getting guff for that and Helen's estranged pair of outfits getting none was weird. This is one of those weeks where nobody was clearly the most awesome or shitty, and on top of that the judges didn't agree on relative awe/shit quotients, so the auf felt a little, like, "Well, how much further can [x] go, let's just punt him/her now."
Yeah, I agree. Seeing Fabio and Jay side by side in the bottom two, it was basically impossible to predict who was finally going to get cut; neither of them has been putting his best foot forward for kind of a while.
There, I sort of disagree; Fabio has, I think. The trouble is, his best foot is a pale-teal acquired taste, and either you buy in to his "urban-nomad garden party" aesthetic -- which, from the standpoint of 1) the layering and 2) his outfits, I do -- or you really don't. He's not going to change, or be like "fuck it" and roll out the jewel tones and sweetheart necklines, and I completely respect that. But Fabio's "best" or "worst" is almost irrelevant. Isaac warned him very seriously to get out of the bottom, but...you know? Either you're on board with the mint and white palette or you aren't.
I don't know, I guess. I thought his backwards pants last week were poorly tailored and half-assed. But I'm glad you brought up Isaac's warning, because shut up, Isaac. That's not tough love -- that's trying to make a TV moment, and it's fake as hell.
Word, and I expect better from him. And now we know that either Fabio is getting the boot next week for real, or he's going to submit a triumph of Easter-egg blue. Call it.
I think a wedding gown challenge might be just the sort of thing where the restrictions built into the brief force Fabio to do something cool within the parameters. I'm worried about Sonjia: they made such a point of showing us her freewheeling process this week, and I know that was mostly so that her win would have more impact and/or feel like more of a surprise, but I also think that approach is not the best for a 24-hour wedding dress challenge.
Oh, I just assumed that since we saw her breaking down in the previews, she's not going home. But what does Vice Principal Bunting know.