Does Doug Need To Learn How To Say 'I Don't Want To Have Children Right Now' In Other Languages For Jamie To Understand?

How is Cortney spending her days now that she's taken the hint and allowed herself to be "encouraged to leave" her job?

It's definitely not organizing her and Jason's apartment.

I don't say that -- as I hope is obvious -- because she's the woman and that's woman's work. It's that whoever's sitting home in the filth has no excuse not to deal with it. I can't handle watching their unsettled apartment for much longer. It stresses me out like fucking Hoarders.

Is there a subject Jamie can't use as a segue to talk about how much she wants to have kids?

How much she likes her in-laws. Her bad childhood. Her "current" age of twenty-eight. The latest interest rate adjustment from the Fed. Any of these and countless more are the perfect jumping-off point for Jamie to start singing her favourite song, "Doug, Put A Baby In Me Yesterday." I would like to believe that this is just editing, because if not for Jamie talking about this constantly, there's nothing else the show's producers could use to construct a storyline for her. But I kind of think she's really like this all the time.

Does Doug need to learn how to say 'I don't want to have children right now' in other languages for Jamie to understand?

Poor Doug thought he hit the jackpot when this show matched him up with a woman as beautiful as Jamie. And then she came home and dumped a pile of home fertility tests in his lap because she has turned out to be a walking ovum just begging for a sperm -- any sperm. (It doesn't seem like an accident that when she's rhyming off the reasons that baby time is now, "We love each other" comes fourth on the list after "We have a house," "We have money," and "We're secure.") And the way she's behaving makes it seem like she doesn't care what he has planned for his own reproductive life, and that she figures she will wear him down if she's just persistent enough. Maybe he doesn't want to have kids right now because living with Jamie is already like living with a six-year-old who doesn't know how to SHUT UP.

Anyway, back in the premiere Jamie tried to enlist Doug's mother in her campaign, and it didn't work. This week, she goes into a meeting among her, Doug, and Dr. Pepper (ugh) pretty sure that the doctor is going to back her up and convince Doug to get on board the baby train, and that doesn't work out either. So can she finally drop it? I don't mean will she -- I mean can she, like is she actually capable of dropping it?

Is anyone from the show going to take responsibility for its having broken Monet?

Once again, I wonder if this is a situation where the show participant is getting coached to supply useful material, because if it isn't, then Monet making a point of asking this Daymon character, on their FIRST DATE, whether her not cooking is a dealbreaker is cringey to the max. The way she talks about dating in general -- how exciting it is to meet a new person just to try him out and not have to stay with him forever (or a month) -- is also very strange if it isn't the result of producer intervention, because didn't she experience all that before she was Married At First Sight to Vaughn? She did a reality show for a month; it's not like she just escaped Warren Jeffs's compound.

If these are all Monet's legit feelings and apprehensions, then she needs therapy. If not, she needs to finesse these talking points a little more and try harder to make them her own.

And speaking of therapy: can the show get some for Jamie?

If Jamie were writing a 21,000-word memoir of all the terrible things her mother did with the help of a therapist who could help her work through the feelings this writing brings up, I'd think it was a great idea. As it is, unearthing this stuff just seems to upset Jamie and reopen the wounds she seems like she's trying to heal in order to have a relationship with her mother. She's not equipped to deal with it herself; from what we saw in this episode, Doug definitely isn't. I know he's trying, but all of this is so far outside the scope of his own experience that expressing empathy for her is not something he's...good at. Jamie needs to start talking about this with someone who has more to say in response than what amounts to "Huh." No, not Dr. Pepper.

This show's producers understand we don't care about Jason's career as an amateur wrestler, right?

Maybe you do. I don't and I never will.

In what universe is this a prom king costume?

Don't say "New Jersey."