Has Lillian Earned Tom's Respect In Time For The Married At First Sight Post-Experiment Check-In?

Has Lily finally learned Tom's respect?

No shock to anyone, Tom and Lily are still married for this (generally very boring) check-in episode, but the few issues they had still remain. (Those issues do not include sex, as Lily assures us all that she and Tom have "a very healthy sex life." I mean, it's really Rachel's fault for asking, but still.) Tom still has a boner for his bus, and looks forward to fixing it up with Lily, because she's told him she wants to do that and I'm sure she really means it. And Tom still judges Lily for her materialism. However, Lily did manage to make Tom very proud of her by donating over a dozen pairs of her shoes and three bags of clothing. GOOD JOB, LILY -- keep making yourself more like Tom and he's sure to keep loving you!

Did Derek maybe show up stoned for this?

As has been confirmed in secondary MAFS sources, the substance Derek smoked all the time during his marriage to Heather -- leading to its end, according to her -- was weed.

Just saying.

How much would you love to see the contract these idiots sign?

The longer the show goes on, the more questions I have about what fyi can and cannot compel the show's participants to do. In this episode, I particularly wondered about why both the surviving couples made a point of saying they've moved into new homes: is it because the show pays for the short-term furnished rentals they live in during the experiment? I was also surprised that, after we saw Derek say he would be willing to meet with Heather if the opportunity arose, Heather could kibosh it. You know the show's producers would have loved to have shown us that conversation. I'm just shocked that they couldn't force her to do it.

The fuck was that ring story from Nick, even?

The promos for this episode included a clip of Dr. Pepper noting that Nick wasn't wearing his ring. Did Nick and Sonia maybe not go the distance??? No, they're still married: the reason Nick isn't wearing his ring for his sitdown with the experts is that he takes it off when he goes golfing. And he just happened to forget to put it back on when he was on his way to a meeting with three people paid to scrutinize him? Get away from me with that fake shit.

Can we all stop saying "love language"?

After Sonia tells the experts that part of what has made her marriage to Nick work is their learning how different each one's love language is from the other's, this nonsense phrase is repeated approximately 5000 times. How did something so dumb turn into a pop psychology buzz...phrase? I hope I don't know anyone who would be able to use it with anything approaching sincerity.

Are Nick and Sonia really going to make it, though?

At home, Nick still looks pained every time the camera catches him unawares. When he and Sonia are in bed having Pillow Talk, he's still showing up in seersucker shorts like he might go straight from there to a 4th of July party, looking utterly unrelaxed. Nick still seems completely uncomfortable in his own skin, and while this season has been a crazy ride, I'm glad I don't have to watch him hate himself and his choices every week anymore.

Is this show secretly underwritten by De Beers?

Doug Hehner, Jason Carrion, and now Tom have all proved their commitment to the strangers the experts picked for them by proposing to the...women that they're supposedly already "legally married" to. It's not enough that all these boobs have signed up for this insanity -- now they have to reaffirm how much they mean it by going through all the nuptial stages again, at their own expense? I CALL SCAM.