How Many Project Runway-ish Looks Should We Expect To See Savi Wearing On Mistresses This Season?

What are we to make of the fact that the show is so much less lurid than it used to be?

In its first season, Mistresses had the balls to call itself Mistresses even though only one of its four leads was actually any married person's side piece, and that was only for the pilot. But at least it managed to fulfill the promise of its scandalous title with classic primetime soapiness: workplace hookups, lesbian experimentation, a shrink sleeping with a patient (who also happened to be her dead boyfriend's son), and, of course, an ordinary middle-class dude successfully faking his own death. It didn't all work, but it was trashy and plentiful.

By comparison, the Season 2 premiere is disappointingly tame. Other than a rather transparent misdirect regarding Savi's pregnancy (which: miscarriage), it's all suuuuuper-bland. Joss has traded real estate for party planning: which florist will she use?! Karen's suspension is over: will she help more patients in private practice like she did the one in the ER?! April nails a hot dude: what will happen to the store now that she's been inspired to restart her art career?! And Savi's in a relationship with the guy she cheated with and has slept with him two whole times: will there be a third?! If this is the best they could do to try to hook us for another whole season with these idiots, it's not going to work on this brother.

How many Project Runway-ish looks should we expect to see on Savi?

I know we're supposed to think of Savi's kicky new on-trend long bob as part of her whole death-cheating carpe diem deal, along with taking selfies with young persons; trying to meditate; and pretending she doesn't want to be a lawyer anymore. But...explain that necklace/shawl/collar/cropped dickie thing in the party scene (above). You can't, unless it was a demand Alyssa Milano made of the costume department to let Runway see how fashion-forward she is so she can be the first person to repeat as an All-Stars host.

Who ordered the precocious kid?

What's the point of establishing the unrealistic premise of four busy, gainfully employed friends who somehow still manage to hang out with each other all the time and weigh in on all each other's pivotal decisions if April's main sounding board is her suddenly-super-sassy daughter Lucy? No one cares what you think about April refinishing a desk, short stack. Go to school.

What possible reason could Soleil Moon Frye have had to do this thing?

I was so flummoxed by Soleil Moon Frye playing herself for no reason that I spent a good ten minutes googling whether, like, her husband is a writer on the show (no), or she's IRL friends with Jes Macallan (not that I could tell), or that Rochelle Aytes played Cherie on Punky Brewster (she did not). Maybe she's just a fan? Haha, no, that can't be it....

Who didn't hear the bell on that "Tony" reveal?

I mean honestly, it's like Mistresses thinks we've never seen a soap before. Of course the keen new associate putting all these demands on Dom's time is actually a lady with an androgynous name, and of course Savi's insecure about this broad's Deal Or No Deal-model looks, considering that Dom has a history of not really being that respectful of monogamy given that HE SLEPT WITH A MARRIED WOMAN AND IT WAS SAVI. But also, don't show up to work in a coral sundress, Tony/i. You're a lawyer, not a pharmaceutical sales rep.