New Girl's Fred Has His Faults, But Heeding Even Very Unusual Directions From Police Officers Is Not Among Them

Watching "What About Fred," the latest episode of New Girl, you've GOT to feel for Jess. She certainly has experience ankling dud dudes who don't meet her (or anyone's) standards: we saw that last season in "Dice." But she doesn't have experience ditching a zero while negotiating visitation rights with his delightful parents, who take sketching picnics and are full of excellent life advice and, not incidentally, have a house in L.A. with a dope screening room AND a summer getaway they'd just love Jess to see. Jess suspects she might be able to figure out a way to start making social plans with Flip and Nancy just to do things Fred doesn't enjoy, but in order for her to have that conversation with them, she'll need to delay Fred from reaching the restaurant where they're all supposed to meet while she floats that idea in his absence. Good thing Jess is friends with a police officer who can pull Fred over on a phony traffic stop. And good thing Fred will readily comply with any request they make -- no matter how bizarre -- because he is an idiot. Winston's partner Aly demands (of Winston, who's also on his way to dinner with Jess et al), "I want you to pretend you're about to breakdance, but DO NOT actually breakdance"? Fred will take that bullet for the whole car.

"Give us more hands!"

"Do it more animated! But less alive."

"All of that, but pretend you're underwater. ...Deeper. DEEPER."

Obviously, Pedrad couldn't stop directing Killam's terpsichorean stylings, because after Jess has -- very reluctantly -- rejected Flip and Nancy's suggestion that she just date Fred in the hopes that her influence will, in time, cause him to suck less while also allowing her access to his wonderful parents, we return to poor Fred's traffic stop for one last glimpse at the only thing Fred is good for.

"I don't believe you!"

"Put, like, a jazz spin on that?"

"Look like an acorn. Start spinning."

"That's actually pretty good!" Excuse YOU, Officer Aly. It's magnificent.