Smiling Bravermanly Through The Tears

What Colour Is Your Parachute? (It Helps If Your Answer Is "Clear"!)

Alert Type: Settling Alert.

Issue: Now that Adam's decided to ditch The Luncheonette, he needs a new job.

Complicating Factors: He's not terribly excited about anything he's qualified for that will pay him enough to cover Haddie's outrageous private-college tuition support the family.

Resolution: Right after Adam accepts a job at a bottled water company (so, first of all, way to put your short-term needs ahead of the future you're handing to OTHER people's children), Kristina watches him tearing it up in his cooking class at Snowflake Academy and tells him she has an opportunity for him! See, she's been secretly talking to "a non-profit" (sure) that "opens charter schools" (sounds legit). She's been putting off their many job offers, but now she's thinking she could go work for them (after less than a year of running her own charter school? cool attitude!), and hand off the headmaster job to Adam, SOLVING EVERYONE'S PROBLEMS! See, the great thing about charter schools is that anyone can get faculty jobs in them, even if they're completely uncredentialed!

Spoiler: From what we see of what happens in a couple of years, this works out great, at least for everyone involved who's named Braverman.

Formal Formalities Are Formal

Who called the meeting? Hank.

What's it about? He is seeking Zeek's blessing on his engagement to Sarah.

How'd it go? Officially, I think this tradition is pretty gross. Also, I will ship Sarah and Mr. Cyr until my dying breath. Off the record, this is a pretty sweet scene. After Hank gets through his intro, Zeek encouragingly asks what Hank wants to say, and Hank opens by saying he doesn't know if Sarah's told Zeek about "the Asperger's thing, like Max." She hasn't, but Zeek rolls with it, saying it explains some things, and that if Sarah's not bothered by it, neither is Zeek. He goes on to say that, of all his children, Sarah has taught Zeek the most, particularly about unconditional love: he's admired the way that she never pursued material things (...I mean, that seems like a "you can't fire me, I quit" sort of situation given what a fuckup she's been, but okay) but instead spent her time "really giving her heart to the people that she cared about the most." In closing, he asks Hank, voice breaking, "You take care of my-- my daughter. You know, be there for her." Hank: "Yeah, that's, uh. That's going to be my honour, to do that. I never met anybody like her. I'm never going to stop loving her."

Oh, and there's one other thing: Hank wants to tell Zeek that Sarah wants to have the wedding on Saturday. Zeek is thrown: "Well, what's the rush, here? I mean--" And then, all at once, he gets it, and smiles, and it's heartbreaking and nice and classic Parenthood, basically.

With Brothers Like Crosby...

Guys, look. Adam is not my favourite. And it is true that, backed against a wall, he was the one who finally decided that he would quit being a martyr and stop throwing good money down the hole that is The Luncheonette. But when Jasmine and Crosby show up at Amber's to bring her some gifts and see the baby and Amber is excited to show him the playpen one of her friends got her so that she can bring Little Zeek to work with her, it's not really cool of Crosby to (a) decide unilaterally that this is the right time to tell her she's getting laid off, and (b) TOTALLY THROW THE ABSENT ADAM UNDER THE BUS as the one who is to blame. It's probably this kind of short-sighted thinking that's part of why he doesn't want to be in business with you anymore, you child!

A Great Way Adults Handle Disappointment Is To Pout About It For Days

I feel like, given how things went, Crosby should be walking into The Luncheonette proud as hell of having possibly poisoned the relationship between Adam and his niece forever, but he's still pissy. I am not going to miss THIS guy. (Though I will miss Peter Krause's dickface -- which is what I call the almost-smirk he uses in every scene, regardless of the kind of emotion he's supposed to be playing -- even less.)

SURPRISE!!!

Alert Type: Social Worker Alert.

Issue: After calling Joel and Julia in for an 11 AM meeting and not telling them what it was going to be about, Victor's social worker pushes through Julia's knee-jerk lawyerly declaration that they're not willing to revisit the terms of Victor's closed adoption to say that Victor's biological mother has given birth to a baby girl (by a different father). She's decided her best course of action is to place this child for adoption as well, and she wanted Joel and Julia to have first dibs.

Complicating Factors: Joel and Julia are hanging by a thread, kind of, and also they don't have room for another child (although, as Joel points out, he could add a room to their house wherever).

Resolution: They leave the meeting with the social worker agreeing not to adopt the baby...and then agreeing to take the weekend to think about it.

Spoiler: Duh, of course they're taking this baby too. Who cares, they only have to raise her until the end of the episode!

...Him?

I'm actually sorry to be piling on Crosby so much, but...okay, so Zeek is sitting at a table wedding for Sarah's wedding to start when Crosby comes over, talks about Sarah for ten seconds, and then changes the subject to himself and how sad he is that Adam's closing down The Luncheonette. This is the first Zeek's hearing about it, and he points out, like it's the most obvious thing in the world, that just because Adam doesn't want to do it anymore doesn't mean Crosby can't. OKAY, HANG ON JUST ONE SECOND. This is the third episode in which the possible closing of The Luncheonette has been a story point, and at zero times before now has anyone suggested this possibility, which I assumed was FOR GOOD REASON. If Crosby can't even COME UP WITH THE IDEA of going it alone, then is he really qualified to do so? Wait, Jasmine's okay with it and Amber's excited that Crosby becoming "the new Adam" means that she gets to be "the new Crosby" so I guess let's all join Crosby in a weirdly lipless grin and NOT THINK TOO HARD ABOUT IT!

Aw, These Goofs

Before the ceremony, Max, who's been hired by Hank to be the official wedding photographer, shoots the characters in the usual configurations -- family units, all guys, all girls, whatever -- and it's impossible to watch the resulting montage without thinking how emotional it must have been for all the actors. However: by this point in the episode, I still have not cried, and am starting to worry that someone sold my soul for $5.

Cute Girl Seeks...Max?

Baby (And New Mother) Love

Who called the meeting? Camille and Zeek.

What's it about? They've bought Amber the baby glider Camille's been talking about, but they're not sure where to send it, because they've been thinking about it, and they'd like to invite Amber and Little Zeek to come live with them.

How'd it go? Amber is so shocked by this offer as to be uncomprehending, and she quickly tells them both that they're far too kind: "I couldn't do that to you, this is your big third act! I mean, we would ruin any semblance of peace you had in your home. I couldn't do that to you guys." Camille: "Grandpa and I have talked about it, and we decided that we want this to be our third act." Zeek is so overcome by the moment that he can't even speak, and with tears standing in his eyes, puts an arm around Amber, his new Sarah. Amber, simply: "Thanks." And THIS is where I started crying. Phew.

Zeek Braverman, 1944-2015

Poor Zeek. Literally every person who watches this show knew your demise was imminent, so this was the least surprising event in an episode full of crazy contrivances. May we all get the chance to leave this world as you did: in a comfy chair.

Instead of cutting from Zeek's death to a funeral, we're on a neighbourhood baseball field, where Camille scatters some of Zeek's cremains before passing them down the line to the kids to dump out the rest. And as we watch the 8 million Bravermans playing baseball (probably with a LOT of subs and alternates chilling in the dugout), we cut to what each member of the family did after Zeek's passing.

Camille takes the trip to France on her own. Aw.

As new artists record a new cover of "Forever Young," Amber and Crosby look on in satisfaction from the booth, joined by a pregnant Jasmine. I guess the place is doing well if they're having another kid? Apparently Adam was holding back the business all along!

Victor and Sydney and a toddler and some other baby get a puppy for Christmas! That better be a rescue since OF ALL PEOPLE THE GRAHAMS SHOULD KNOW THAT WHEN IT COMES TO PETS, ONE SHOULD NOT BREED BUT ADOPT!

Ruby and Drew are having dinner with-- HOLY SHIT AMBER'S DATING JASON MOTHERFUCKING STREET! Then Ryan comes home to return a bigger Little Zeek BUT YOU GUYS JASON STREET!!! Good job calling in a favour, Jason Katims!

Max graduates Snowflake Academy, where apparently Adam is still Headmaster! I choose to believe Max Braverman's smile is due to Max Burkholder being sick of scowling all the time and letting loose when he knew he couldn't be fired!

AND THE BRAVERMANS LEAVE THE FIELD! They were ridiculous a lot, including in this episode, but I will miss them, and I am starting a Kickstarter now for a spinoff about Amber and JASON STREET!!!!!