Playing Matchmaker For Playing House

The latest episode of Playing House reveals an uncomfortable fact: as Maggie's divorce becomes final and Emma settles back into Pinebrook life, the two of them are going to be fishing from the same dating pool. At this point, we've met quite a few dudes who potentially could be romantic prospects, but how likely is it that any of them will work out for either lady? Let's dig in.

Steve

Wait, who? The hot cop who showed Maggie and Emma how to install a car seat.

What makes him appealing? Really hot; maybe a little dumb -- or, at least, impervious to broad double entendre.

Why might he be better for Emma? Any guy with a body fat percentage that low is not going to be interested in Maggie's truffles (and here I mean the actual truffles she makes).

Why might he be better for Maggie? He may not have the wherewithal to put together a seduction scene like the one described in Emma's "Shanghai Surprise" story.

Why might he be a poor match for either of them? Emma's mom might get a leg over him before either Maggie or Emma gets the chance to.

Zach

Wait, who? Maggie's brother.

What makes him appealing? He's into sensitive poetry and can put together a truly beautiful baby shower.

Why might he be better for Emma? He's had a crush on her since he was a kid, so even if she's not into him, that kind of devotion can be appealing. Also, they're not related.

Why might he be better for Maggie? Ew, that's her brother!

Why might he be a poor match for either of them? He might be better suited to a lady who's as meek as he is, or possibly even meeker if such a person exists.

Bruce

Wait, who? Maggie's now-ex-husband.

What makes him appealing? We're told that Maggie may have been attracted to him in the first place because he was "safe," which he still is, more or less. And he knows where everything is in the house that Maggie and Emma now share.

Why might he be better for Emma? They have a common love of fine cheeses.

Why might he be better for Maggie? Hey, even the best of us considers a reunion tour, right?

Why might he be a poor match for either of them? He's probably still in love with MunichMuncher69, and even if he's not...he was.

Gary

Wait, who? Maggie's divorce lawyer.

What makes him appealing? He went to Yale; he presumably got Maggie a great divorce settlement; he's good at planning dates.

Why might he be better for Emma? He's already taken her out once, and by "taken her out"...well, you know. They Did Sex in the back seat of Maggie's Highlander.

Why might he be better for Maggie? She's apparently had a crush on him for a while, and let's face it, after what she went through with Bruce, she deserves it. She also doesn't seem bothered by his alleged "T-Rex arms."

Why might he be a poor match for either of them? Once a couple of friends have scrapped over a dude, he might be burned forever.

Mark

Wait, who? One of Pinebrook's apparently few cops.

What makes him appealing? He's Keegan-Michael Key! (He's also, from what we've seen, funny, smart, and kind.)

Why might he be better for Emma? At some point in their earlier life, he liked her enough to propose marriage.

Why might he be better for Maggie? His proposal may have led directly to Emma's fleeing the country for a job in China, so....

Why might he be a poor match for either of them? I guess he is TECHNICALLY married to another woman. Or, not "technically." Just the regular kind of married.

Owen

Wait, who? The aggrieved garden gnome collector from Episode 2.

What makes him appealing? He has demonstrated an ability to make a commitment -- specifically, he's committed to collecting and preserving his garden gnome collection.

Why might he be better for Emma? Someone like Emma, who comes from a high-powered career, may appreciate a man who has apparently taken control of Pinebrook's gnome market.

Why might he be better for Maggie? A garden-gnome collector may have more interests in common with a woman who has her own crafting/gift-wrapping room.

Why might he be a poor match for either of them? It seems likely that he's more into his gnomes than he is into any other human being, and women may not be on the menu at all.

Joffrey

Wait, who? The gnome thief.

What makes him appealing? Who can resist a bad boy?

Why might he be better for Emma? If Maggie settled down with Bruce because he was "safe," Joffrey is the opposite of that.

Why might he be better for Maggie? She's about to be a mom, and he could use a woman who'll keep him in line.

Why might he be a poor match for either of them? Let's maybe put a pin in Joffrey for another five years or so and keep Mark from having to arrest anyone.