There Are Still A Couple Of Shows That Haven't Been Zach Attacked

Earlier this week when I had Dave make some (great) gifs for a post about Veep, upinalather commented, "Is there a show Zach Woods *isn't* on?" Because there he was in the middle gif, kissing an unwilling Amy on the side of the head in his recurring role as Ed (who's somehow hung on to Amy for a whole year of dating (whatever that means to her)? Impressive!). In the same network's previous half-hour, he'd appeared as Jared in Silicon Valley. The week before, he'd played a pivotal role in The Good Wife and Maggie's only remaining family member in the series premiere of Playing House.

Four shows in a single week is a lot -- take that, Ken Marino! -- but Zach Woods happens to be a personal favourite of mine since I saw him live in ASSSSCAT at New York's UCB Theatre, so to me, four shows in a single week is just a good start. Here, some suggestions for how to use him in other series that those shows' casting directors can have for free.

Fargo

If Gus Grimly is going to crawl out of the doghouse, there's going to have to be someone on the Duluth PD who's even more hapless than he is. Enter Officer Dill Jorgensen (Woods), who accidentally shoots himself in the ear when he pulls over Lorne Malvo on yet another traffic stop and lets Gus save the day by cleaning up his mess. I don't think I've heard Woods do a midwestern accent before, but given his solid German accent in the latest Playing House, I feel like he'd nail it.

Royal Pains

Hank is stumped when East Hampton's latest billionaire -- a protein-supplements magnate (Woods) -- mysteriously can't gain weight himself no matter what he tries!

Bates Motel

When Sheriff Romero spies what appears to be the decomposing corpse of a fellow guest through a gap in the curtains and assumes Norman's claimed another murder victim, it turns out just to be a very thin tourist (Woods) having a very satisfying nap.

Maron

Marc attempts to interview Zach Woods (as himself) for his podcast, but since Marc is so self-obsessed and neurotic, he forgets about discussing comedy, focusing instead on learning how Woods maintains his trim physique.

Project Runway

A menswear challenge finds the designers struggling to dress Zach Woods for a "creative black tie" event when none of their mannequins or models is nearly as slim as their special guest judge.

Game Of Thrones

When Arya Stark falls ill with a fever, she starts hallucinating that her beloved sword, The Needle, has come to life in the person of a weird, skinny man (Woods).

Hannibal

Hannibal sets his sights on an extremely slender FBI records clerk (Woods) when his personal physician recommends that Hannibal replace some of the fatty organ meats he favours with leaner cuts in order to lower his cholesterol.