Screens: Lifetime
'I Don't Understand How Any Judge Could Look At Michelle's Dress Next To Helen's And Decide That MICHELLE'S Was The One That Looked Cheap'
A 'timeless red carpet dress' challenge determines which designers will compete in the final. Your editors aren't thrilled.
Our Players
Hello, I'm West Coast Editor Tara Ariano.
Hello, I'm East Coast Editor Sarah D. Bunting.
The Talk
I think this is the first episode of this season that left me really and truly furious, because at the end of the runway, the correct boot seemed extremely obvious to me, and yet when I saw there was still like forty-five minutes left, I knew there were going to be dumb shenanigans. How is Helen still in this thing when what she sent down was a nightie from Forever 21?!
...HELEN. Chrissake. I must admit that I enjoy the on-the-runway one-hour face-offs, and would not object to an entire season or show based on those (with a lot less of Helen breaking down and then speciously claiming it's because she hated to cut up her colleagues' work, like, shut up, Deathnail And I). But the judges' comments on what resulted were so bizarrely full of shit, and the "tie" from the episode proper that prompted it was so not close enough, I just...can't. Helen's Victoria's Secret bridesmaid's dress should have gotten her the boot from the jump.
I mean, yes, starting with what it looked like when Zanna came in, because she was 100% right: between the silhouette, the fabric, and the colour, it looked like something we'd see on The Dowager Countess because SHE still dresses behind the times.
But then what Helen did to modify it and make it look younger just turned it into such a nothing. Since when is calling a gown "safe" a compliment?! Can you imagine any movie star wearing that thing to the Oscars? Not even Aniston, the boringest dresser on any red carpet.
I didn't love Michelle's, but I liked it; Blanchett would wear that one, and just switch out that cheapy chain with something else (or one of those "backlaces" from Bulgari). The judges were right about it needing a shoulder pad, but it still had a point of view. More to the point, I totally came around on Ol' Fauxhawk this season -- like, "shopped her website the other day" came around -- and now she's gone! Capital-B boo!
You are right on all counts. Michelle was straight-up robbed. I don't understand how any judge could look at her dress next to Helen's and decide that MICHELLE'S was the one that looked cheap. Helen's already looked like it had been kicked off and stepped on by a dozen high-school sophomores kicking it off after rejecting it as a choice for their boyfriends' proms. My only complaint about Michelle's was the same complaint I had about all four, and while I realize that even writing this exposes me (some more) as an out-of-touch old lady, but I'm doing it anyway: WHY WERE NONE OF THEM LINED?!
Well, really. You got $500. Drop $20 of that on some illusion so your model's not getting bead-chafe on her nipples. And I love Sonjia, but that mini under a long sheer panel read SO dated to me. I liked that the back of the top connected to the skirt, but the big bow and the sheer-maxi-over-mini didn't say Oscars to me. MTV Video Awards, maybe. From 1999.
I thought it was interesting -- and Sophia Amaruso made a good point about the different angles it could show on the red carpet -- but yeah, the skirt-over-skirt thing made it look tacky to me. If it had been lined the whole way down with the gold she used for the underskirt, I would have liked it so much more. But (lining aside), no one followed the brief better than Dmitry, I thought. Sure, it was a 20s reference, but it felt totally timeless. You could imagine seeing it on Marilyn Monroe OR Jennifer Lawrence. My one knock on it was that it might have been cooler in a colour, but I think he was thinking about how it would show on his specific model -- namely, gorgeous.
I had the same thought about the (non-)color, but when I tried to envision it in anything other than a relatively pale neutral, or black, it felt costume. I didn't love the sheerness, and I'd rather he have gone with a metallic strap or something other than those tacko clear ones -- but I love him, and he was the best this week. "It's a pen in de ess, baaaat...[expressive arm-wave]"
Totally. He knows what he's doing. When you tell him to create a look that's going to be striking in front of, like, all the photographers in the world, he delivers. Now that Michelle is out, if he loses next week, this whole season is bullshit. THERE, I SAID IT.
Even if Sonjia wins? That will feel like kind of a fix to me, but I would be all right with it. UNLIKE CERTAIN FIXES I MIGHT MENTION. HELEN. HELEN IS WHO I MEAN.
Ehhhhhh, I guess I'll be okay with it if Sonjia wins, even though I feel like she just stumbles into her successes, whereas Dmitry is more considered. And gets extra credit with me for never having had any kind of tearful breakdown all season. Ladies? It's stressful. We know. Get your shit together and keep it there. HELEN.
Yes, please take a lesson from Alyssa's stylist, who has completely turned it around lately! She looked totally cute last night and I loved the old-school dark-plum lip story on the runway.
That look, with all that pretty blue next to her face, was lovely. I wished she could have walked that look right out to an event that very night. Unlike the gown on HELEN's girl, which is only fit for a slumber party. In 1991.