Screens: Lifetime
'Poor Alyssa Looked Like She Wanted To Bat Those Circus Performers Away Like A Cloud Of Gnats'
The final runway show opens with a bunch of burlesque acrobats or something. Do things improve from there? Your editors discuss!
Our Players
Hello, I'm West Coast Editor Tara Ariano.
Hello, I'm East Coast Editor Sarah D. Bunting.
The Talk
I get that All Stars seasons don't get real Fashion Week runway shows and that producers have to try to distract us from that fact, which points up how low the stakes are, comparatively. But can we talk about the pointless smurfiness that preceded the actual runway presentation? Poor Alyssa looked like she wanted to bat those circus performers away like a cloud of gnats.
Do we have to? I've already lost many minutes of my life to that, and the Chi infomercial that immediately proceeded it. God bless the gorgeous Georgina Chapman, though. What an utterly British fake smile she had on during the Cirque Du No Thanques! Actually, all the judges looked annoyed. I think I saw Le Miz texting.
I'm glad we agree that it was corny, not that I was in doubt. It was also a bombastic intro for what turned out to be three pretty boring shows. As much as I complain about the elaborate challenge briefs, seeing collections like these that result when time restraints are paired with an absence of design restrictions makes me yearn for some materials scavenged from a construction site. What did you think?
I was surprised, and not in a good way, at how many recycled ideas I saw in the shows -- and not ones I cared for, either. I don't mind Sonjia's lace-overdress idea, but it's unlined and itchy-looking; again with the sheer overskirt over a mini; and we've seen it before, all of it.
Ditto Dima, and I love him -- "why again crap tap?" needs to be my ringtone -- but I've never "gotten" that diamond cut-out thing and he's recycled that about three times too many. He was right about Sonjia, too, in that it's not Project Fabric Selection, as great as she is as it.
The thing about her fabric selection, too, is that what may work in one silhouette looks cheap in another. That batik-ish brocade in a jumpsuit? Hot. In a knee-length vest? Hello, Mrs. Roper.
Did you have a single most-hated look? Because -- and I adore Dima too -- that all-white skirt suit. Just because they told Michelle last week that she should have had shoulder pads in her gown didn't mean you needed to put three sets in that jacket, which Tess McGill would have rejected as too costumey.
I liked that vest with the red turtle; it had a mid-'70s look I kind of liked, or would have if the skirt weren't basically a long shirt. I despised Sonjia's opening look, the yellow skirt with the flounce, because the fabric looked budge to the max.
I also disliked that white suit, mostly for the codpiece point coming down in the front. Nina Garcia would have flayed him for that. But I think Dima's pink sack with the lace-up afterthought on the side is my least favorite.
I might have hated that more if Helen hadn't come out with another nude nothing, paired -- for no conceivable reason, as Zac Posen noted -- with frumpy red kitten heels. In suede? For summer? Girl, no.
He was also dead right about being able to see an Alexa Chung in that first look with the lace, though. Emma Stone could rock that one too.
I don't like Helen personally, but I ADORED her collection (with the exception of that weird Norma Desmond miscarriage in the middle that you've just described). I would wear the holy hell out of five of the eight looks; that patterned sweatshirt/wool circle skirt/boots combo? Buntnip.
I was very surprised that she was out of the running first, and not just because she'd been getting the winner edit to that point -- her collection seemed more cohesive, more daring, and better made than the others overall.
I agree, Sonjia's wasn't better than Helen's overall. This may sound nuts, but I think maybe she got to leapfrog Helen because she had that swimsuit in the middle, which was so much of a surprise that it gave everything around it more impact.
If you had been there instead of Mira Sorvino -- and I certainly hope they call you next time instead of her -- would you have given Helen the win over Dmitry? I'm happy with his win because he's my favourite, but I do feel like it was more of an award for his work all through the season than for that collection.
I agree completely on the motivation, but yes, I would have given Helen or Sonjia the win over Dima.
And you know I adore him, and Mizrahi almost convinced me when he was talking about the '80s sleeve silhouette, but he and Zac Posen were both so full of shit about Helen's "conflictedness" and various other meta comments on the collections that I couldn't take the judging very seriously as far as whether it matched up with the actual clothing. They were grasping for reasons to give it to Dmitry, and I'm not taking to the streets over it or anything, but: yes, he backed into it.
Yeah, I'm with you. It's hard to get that mad about it when he, personally, is so likable and fun to watch. And when they showed his tears on the runway, I was like, "...Oh, FINE. I'll let you have this if you tell me every step of your skin care regimen."
And your bracelet game.