Can Any Gallagher Actually Escape The Gallaghers?

After twelve stressful episodes -- not just for the characters in them but for me personally -- it's time to say goodbye to the Gallaghers again. It's only for a year (the show's long since gotten its Season 6 pickup), but I feel like I'm going to need all of it to recover from some of the events of this season finale. Where does everyone stand as we close the book on Season 5? Let's rank them from who's doing best to who's doing worst.

1. Kevin & Vee
   Such is life on Shameless that the couple who've spent most of the season fighting about their children and living apart -- and are only now putting hard (heh) numbers on the philandering Kevin did when they were on a break -- actually seem like they are happy together now and fairly solid for the future. That might not be true for all people in their situation, but let's look at the facts: Kevin gets a big-ass shot to zap any cooties he might have picked up from his Rapewalker clients; Vee is serious enough about their sexual compatibility that she takes her mother's advice and tries to dress like what she thinks his fantasy girl is post-hiatus; and when the twins start crying in the middle of their fight, they both go tend to them, together. Progress and growth!
2. Lip
   Guys, I don't claim to know everything about polyamory, but what I do know from watching a reality show about it on this very network is that a tenet of the practice (or lifestyle/ethos/philosophy -- you feel me) is that nothing happens that isn't negotiated first. Waking up your partner to bone you only after you've tied him up and parked your husband in the corner to watch is not kosher or do you need a refresher on your Ethical Slut, HELENE? In fairness to her, I guess, Lip seems like he's up for whatever, particularly the part where Helene doesn't want to lock him down for anything, which is obviously appealing given that Amanda's hopes or expectations for their relationship have changed. I feel bad for her finding herself in the middle of that library meltdown not just because it seems like she's also furious at herself for being clingy, but because after she punches Lip in the face in front of dozens of their classmates, she has to stomp out of there giving them all a big fat look at her...Hello Kitty backpack. I suppose that, given how things have ended, Lip did the right thing not having asked her dad for help during his financial crisis. But other than a split...uh, lip, Lip seems to be doing well in school and staying on track for a successful future and I'm glad the only thing I need to worry about with regard to him is that he's going to break his penis doing whatever crazy thing Helene's going to want to do next.
3. Frank
   As extremely revolting as I have found Bianca's interest in Frank over the past few episodes, I actually like the way her storyline has ended. If Frank wasn't in it, it would have been nearly perfect. As a doctor, Bianca had a very clear idea of what her prognosis was and how unlikely she was to respond well to treatment, and she made a different plan for herself: run up a bunch of credit card debt she wasn't going to live to pay; try every kind of drug she could put her hands on; screw the grossest hobo she could find (apparently); and, finally, go to the most beautiful place she could find and bring an end to her pain on her own terms. Watching her walk into the ocean with joy and serenity is moving and even kind of triumphant.

   What does any of this have to do with Frank? Very little, in the end! But he got a few fun days on someone else's dime. Back to square one.

4. Fiona
   Auuuuuugh, Fiona, WHY TURN YOUR BACK ON GUS, THE PERFECT MAN?! Because Sean is more of a challenge? Because you decided to listen to his bandmate when he said you weren't nice? Who said Gus wanted someone "nice" anyway?! If Fiona's failed at raising Deb -- and clearly she has -- then she could at least succeed by committing to her marriage to the best person I've certainly ever seen her with. WHAT A DUMMY. I guess all I can hope now is that Sean's not going to be a drama queen and will respect her having decided to take a shot on him.
5. Sammi
   Of course she didn't die in that crate, but I pray the cops picked her up and that she dies in prison instead for trying to kill Mickey AMONG VARIOUS OTHER CRIMES AND SINS.
6. Deb
   Poor Deb's biggest tragedy with this whole accidentally on purpose pregnancy is that she's so unfamiliar with how functional families work that she clearly hasn't considered that Derek might not want his life ruined by teenaged fatherhood, and that even if his parents started out that way, they might have hoped for something different for their son. The coda certainly made it seem like she's found out she is pregnant after all, so I really hope Season 6 is the story of her either figuring out she has to terminate her pregnancy, or seeing if she can place her baby for adoption. Maybe the Lisas are up for a bigger adventure even than community gardening!
7. Ian
   I'm going to attribute his breakup to lingering Monica damage after fleeing her meth lab: I feel like he's not dumping Mickey so much because he doesn't want to be with him or because he's convinced Mickey will, as Monica put it, want to fix him, but that he thinks he and Monica are the same and that he's therefore unworthy of real love. But he's young; he'll figure things out...right?
8. Monica
   I feel a bit bad for calling her a bitch last week, now that we've seen the horror she thinks constitutes a really great life (who knew Justified's Earl would be the less pathetic character Ryan Dorsey would play on cable TV this year!). Monica did not do her son any favours by telling him all about bipolar disorder from her own distorted perspective -- but, as I predicted, going home with her proved to him that she's wrong about a lot of shit, so I guess it was worth it.
9. Mickey
   I guess the fact that Sammi appeared out of nowhere and started trying to murder his ass -- thus distracting him from the heartbreak of having Ian end their relationship -- was a blessing in disguise? But if just a couple of days away from Ian has him trying (vainly) to self-medicate with bad sex, I fear for where things are going to go for him when we meet again. Try to hold it together, Mickey: Ian might find his way back to you when he sorts himself out, if you don't ruin yourself in the meantime.