Ian And Mickey Star In Their Own Sequel To Punch-Drunk Love

Damn you, Shameless, for making me care about any couple on this show. It wasn't so long ago that I used this space to implore Ian to get well because if anything happened to him, Mickey would be destroyed. Now I know that when I said "Mickey," I meant me. I am destroyed. Fucking Sammi.

Whose week was the worst of the worst? Let's count them down starting with the best...ish.

1. Kevin & Vee
   Vee is still jealous of the attention Kevin pays the twins instead of her to a degree that I feel may require an intervention for postpartum treatment. And maybe it would have been nice for Kevin to give up his college fantasy of his own volition rather than because he sold synthetic weed that made a bunch of kids freak out and was at risk of getting kicked out of the abandoned dorm room he'd been squatting in.
   

   And even though if I noticed that Kevin went for a baby first before even really looking at Vee she definitely did...I'm just happy they're under the same roof again, for now.

2. Frank
   I was right that Bianca woke up from her bender with Frank with regrets. But because this show takes place in a fantasy world where this crusty old vagrant is somehow fucking irresistible, she pushes through and gives Frank hope that his crush on her is going somewhere. Bianca, I can't support the idea of your getting a tattoo in your current frame of mind, but if you must do so and bring Frank, PLEASE make sure they sterilize everything; you know that dude has more kinds of hepatitis than there are letters to differentiate them.
3. Lip
   I was kind of wondering why the pre-season marketing around the gentrification of the neighbourhood hadn't really amounted to much beyond some real estate business early on.
   

   But now I know the gentrification theme has less to do with house flipping and hipster businesses and more to do with whether Lip's going to let himself be co-opted by privileges he's never had before. Is Helene right that he should leave Joaquin and Kevin to the consequences of taking/selling bad drugs, and worry about his own future? Or should he continue living by South Side rules, even if it means putting himself at risk? Let's hope he can continue finding/getting/being granted legitimate ways to finance his dreams so that the question becomes permanently moot.

4. Fiona
   Uuuuuuugh, okay, I know that Sean was Fiona's original romantic target until he kiboshed her for being a chaos addict. And I know that her feelings are hurt when Gus blows off their Skype sex date. But that doesn't mean that she should (a) kiss Sean and, if she had to kiss Sean, (b) look like this afterward.
   

   It's like she doesn't even know Gus is THE PERFECT MAN and she's going to FUCK IT ALL UP.

5. Deb
   Speaking of fucking it all up: fuck that girl at Derek's party for giving her the idea of intentionally getting pregnant so that she can join his family. For one thing, this other girl is probably telling a very sanitized version of how well things worked out for her and her unplanned (or semi-planned) pregnancy. For another, Deb is a baby herself. It's not like I don't empathize with her wanting to ditch the rest of the Gallaghers, particularly as Fiona continues drifting further and further away from her. But gaaaaaaaaaah.
6. Ian & Mickey
   Ian may be compliant with his meds, more or less, but just because he's taking them doesn't mean he's better. Mickey can't get him off, and then the sizzling grill at Patsy's is very attractive to his bare hand.
   

   And as hard as Mickey is working to be empathetic and loving and helpful, keeping Ian from drinking anything likely to mess with his lithium, Ian can't take it, and starts throwing punches -- literal and verbal: "I'm sick of your whiny pussy crap. I don't need a fucking caretaker, all right? I need the shit-talking, bitch-slapping piece of South Side trash I fell for. Where is he? Where the fuck is he, Mick?...Give all the shits you want, but the next time my dick is limp from all the meds, don't go all 'Awww, it's okay, wah wah' -- just suck it harder, ya faggot." The exchange of blows that ensues leads to...well, you know. So why are they ranked so far down on this list when they end up fucking in a baseball dugout and staggering home giggling and giddy?

   

   SEE BELOW.

7. Sammi
   What could possibly intrude upon Ian and Mickey's hard-won happiness? Sammi, of course! After purposely burning his hand at work, Ian makes it home, where Sammi works on bandaging him up, and listens while he repeats his paranoid story from the last episode, about the MPs coming to track him down for his crimes.
   

   Sammi sure is a good listener! So good she waits for everyone else to leave the house and then TURNS IAN IN.

   

   Yeah, except Ian (and Mickey, and Fiona) had ZERO to do with Chuckie's arrest, so this is just spite for spite's sake, and since Sammi has been worthless garbage all along, I probably shouldn't have been as surprised as I was. But as good a listener as she is, I guess she can't be that observant in general, or she might have thought twice about putting herself in a position to be avenged by a Milkovich. I hate to advocate violence even against a fictional character, but god I hope they tear her apart.