Jessica Starts Taking 'Morning Meetings'

Of all the fictions Suits requires us to believe in if we choose to watch the show -- that Mike Ross could be a hot shot lawyer without having attended law school or been barred by the state of New York; that Donna knows everything about everything; that Louis can take so much abuse without pulling a Lane Pryce in his office -- the biggest is that Jessica isn't aggressively hit on every minute of her life. I mean, is everyone at Pearson Specter AND IN THE CITY OF NEW YORK afflicted with cataracts so that they can't see what she looks like in her sexy sheath dresses? Even if they are, have they also lost the ability to hear her voice? Or smell her, because I bet she smells great? Let's be real: Jessica Pearson would be one of the hottest women alive even if all we knew about her was how she looks; that she's also a badass lawyer and a killer businesswoman only adds to her charms. Thank God the show has finally acknowledged this by giving her a love interest. But now they want to take him away?! HELL NO.

It's not that I don't appreciate that Suits has defined Jessica as a character while ignoring her love life. I mean, if Jessica were a real person, we could probably assume she'd spent Private Times with Gentlemen over the years that Suits has chronicled. But her role on the show isn't about that -- it's about her getting to the top of her field and not just staying there but repelling all those who would unseat her with her spiky heels and icy condescension. Reader? She's fabulous.

When SEC lawyer Jeff Malone -- the only human we've ever seen on this show who maybe, maybe, approaches Jessica's hotness -- first shows up in the Pearson Specter conference room, it's only partly to warn Jessica and Harvey about investigations that may soon be brought against their clients; as Jessica figures out well before Harvey does, the real reason is that Jeff wants to jump ship and work for Pearson Specter instead. When his fine face (which really sets off his sharp suit) purrs, "I've always heard how good you are. I'm glad to see it's true," I hardly dare hope that the two of them might end up in some kind of clinch. I mean, Jessica's got needs, but she's also got shit to do. She's barely had a chance to savour her victory over all those British dicks last season! And New York is probably full of perfectly tailored dresses she has yet to buy!

But just as Jessica is ahead of Harvey, she's also ahead of me: she and Jeff are already Doing It, and though it's sort of a shame that we don't get to see it because the show's on basic cable, it's probably for the best in the long run. It wouldn't be safe for any of us to look at except through a hole in a paper plate. And while she's not thrilled that he tried to "strong-arm" her into giving him a job, even she, surely, can't deny their scorching chemistry. In addition to looking like a couple of goddamn supermodels, there's also clever banter and professional gamesmanship? If we find out he can cook on top of everything else, she should marry him immediately. And you just know this smooth motherfucker would only need to see his first dance performed once before he had the choreo down pat.

Unfortunately, Jessica is pretty committed to her "don't shit where you eat" policy (Malone: "Am I the shit or the food in this little play of yours?"), and by the time the episode ends, she's decided that the firm is more important than her romantic interests. Jeff can have the job, but that means the sex is over...after just oooooooone more night I mean she's a great businesswoman but she's also a human woman! But just because the season premiere ends with them having some farewell fornication, I'm not totally convinced this is actually goodbye forever. Or maybe I just don't want it to be. But come on: do they? DO YOU?! Shut up, no you don't. Jessica's dresses look gorgeous on her, but I bet they look even better torn in half and left in shreds in Jeff Malone's foyer.