'Beats Working For A Living!'
"You live in New Orleans long enough, eventually a guy is going to come up to you when you're smoking a cigarette outside the Red Cross and ask if he can take you someplace and suck up your blood. For me, last week, that guy was Zaar.
"He goes what's your name. I go Brian. He goes, did you just give blood? I go yeah. He goes I guess your blood's clean, then, if they took it. I go, I guess so. He goes wanna make more money? And I'm like, well, I know where this is going. Sure enough, he smiles, and he's got fangs."
"So Zaar's like, I'm doing a demo, it's gonna be on TV, I got a whole thing I do, it won't hardly even hurt. I go, buddy, I can see your fangs, I think it's gonna hurt a little, but it's cool, I'd rather do that than go try and get that job at Popeye's. And he's like, no, I poke you a few times and pinch your skin and then I lick your blood up, but I take my fangs out first. And I'm like, a, that makes you a lot nicer than the last guy who hired me to come to his weird kitchen and let him suck some of my blood, and b, it beats working for a living!"
"Was it sexual? Uh, not for me, dude! I don't think it was sexual for Zaar, but whatever, not my business. But did I look like I was getting off? That's my life force draining away down Zaar's throat.
"I haven't really talked to my parents in a while, so I have no idea what they might think if they see me doing this. Proud that my blood is clean enough to eat, maybe? I'm proud. None of my buddies would have passed any of those tests they gave me at the Red Cross, that's for sure.
"And yeah, on that tip, if you're talking to Zaar, tell him not to lose my number, because if he needs another snack, he should get in touch sooner than later. You never know how long you can keep a streak alive, right?
"Hey, do you need anyone to be on camera talking about other bodily fluids they want to sell? Because I just need to eat some of the cookies Zaar promised me to get my strength back, and then I'm going to the sperm bank tomorrow."