ABC Confirms That Ben H. Is The Next Real Bachelor, While Shiri Appleby Of UnREAL, The Fake Bachelor, Confirms Her Pregnancy
We're catching up on news from Bachelor Nation, actual and pretend, in Lunch And A Show!
This just in from...last month: ABC has confirmed that Ben Higgins, second runner-up in the latest season of The Bachelorette, will be The Bachelor when that show returns for its twentieth season in January 2016. Ben has somehow made it all the way to the advanced age of twenty-six without having been married, which is why he has taken the extreme decision to end his life of loneliness on television; I mean, with a face like that, is he likely to meet a nice lady through conventional methods? Who can say. Good luck, Ben!
While Ben prepares to live out the second-best post-season option for a failed Bachelor/ette contestant (the first, of course, being realizing one's horrible mistake and returning to a life of anonymity), our own Stephanie Green has been chronicling the latest adventures of those who, this year, made a worse choice by joining the cast of Bachelor In Paradise. In case you missed them, Sunday's episode featured the triumphant (?) return of Mikey and his deep v; last night's episode found Ben H.'s Bachelorette colleague/real scumbag Joe getting his ass handed to him by Samantha even though the two of them texted before the show and we all know that's a sacred trust, I mean can you even?!
Meanwhile, in Bachelor-adjacent news, Shiri Appleby -- star of the pretend Bachelor (a.k.a. UnREAL) has announced some happy news to help you forget her character's very depressing Season 1 arc: she and her fiancé, Jon Shook, are expecting their second child. I don't know much about Appleby, but the fact that she gave her first child the completely normal and respectable name Natalie and dresses her in unfussy clothes that may very well be Target hand-me-downs tells me she's in the top 1% of show business parents. (Yes, I'm comparing Natalie to Suri Cruise. Unfavorably.)
And while we're on the subject of UnREAL: the ladies of Everlasting may not have enjoyed a fairy tale ending with the member of the British nobility that Quinn threw in their path, but a genuine princess of teen drama officially has: A.J. Langer has just become British nobility. The former (and eternal) Rayanne Graff of My So-Called Life is now the Countess of Devon. I realize that Langer is not her character, but I also choose to picture her throwing a lavish dinner party at her new crib, Powderham Castle, made up of nothing but finger food.
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