How Should Playing House Resolve Emma's Love Triangle?

Those of us who figured out in the series premiere that Mark and Emma are each other's lobster (hi) might have been a little too happy last week when Mark and Birdbones finally agreed that they'd tried enough and that their marriage wasn't working anymore. But even if Mark is destined to end up with his first love eventually, days after his separation from his wife probably isn't the time for them to hook something up -- besides which, there's also the matter of Emma's new boyfriend, Rabbi Dan.

There are a number of factors to consider with regard to the resolution of this love triangle, so let's get REAL SERIOUS about all of them.

Pro For Mark: He's fit

The episode kicks off with Mark ostentatiously exercising right in front of Maggie's house as she and Emma pot succulents, and when I say "ostentatiously," you better believe that's exactly what I mean.

But let's be honest: doing one-armed pushups for show still requires the ability to do one-armed pushups. Impressive!

Pro For Mark: He's handy

After Maggie and, to a lesser extent, Emma invite Mark in for some sweet tea and DiGiorno (WOMP IT UP) and a very gentle inquisition about how things are going since he and Tina separated; neither lady seems reassured to hear that he's living at an apartment complex full of sad divorced men, and strippers. But maybe Mark isn't as happy as he claims to be, either, since as soon as the time comes for him to leave, he finds a pretext to stay: he's not happy with the water pressure in Maggie's kitchen sink, and volunteers himself to stay and fix it. But that's just the beginning.

Though Emma acts put-upon to find Mark still in the house when she comes back from a date, she should have a greater appreciation for what she's got. Mark remodeled his whole house for Tina and that shit is pristine; I still wake up weeping from dreams of Tina's beautiful linen closet.

If Emma's going to be putting rump roasts down the garbage disposal, it's a good idea to keep company with someone who knows how to fix it.

Con For Mark: He's not dealing with his feelings

Mark is dying for his friends to reach out to him and desperately lonely. Even he probably knows Emma and Maggie see through his choice of workout location and manufactured home repair projects. He's not going to be any use in any future romantic relationship until he can be honest about this stuff.

Con For Dan: He's Jewish, and Emma's not

This hasn't really come up yet, other than Dan's referring to Emma as a shiksa, but we've all watched Keeping The Faith ten to fifteen times, right? If that's just me, somehow: a rabbi character starts seeing a Catholic woman, knowing that he can't keep his position at his temple if he marries outside the faith. There's always the possibility that Emma could convert, but does she really strike any of us as the kind of person who'd soberly undertake that course of study when she could be watching the burn victim episode of Downton Abbey again? If things between Dan and Emma start getting serious, the difference in their religious backgrounds is going to be an issue.

Pro For Mark: He and Emma have years of history

Mark and Emma grew up together. They were once serious enough that he proposed to her. They (literally) slept together enough that he still has a sense memory of her rolling over in bed and slashing his legs with her "sharp toes" -- a critique that leads to this...horseplay.

They're obviously very comfortable with one another and, if they were to pick back up again, could do so without having to put in the hours it takes to get to know someone new.

Con For Mark: He and Emma have years of history

Mark and Emma, either as a couple or as friends, do have shared happy memories of good times in their youth. But...there's also that thing where Mark proposed and Emma responded by fleeing the hemisphere and staying away for decades. There are resentments on...well, I was going to say "both sides," but really it seems like the only party who was ever wronged was Mark. As attracted as Mark might be to Emma, if they were going to get back together, she might still have to work on convincing him that she's changed in some important ways.

Pro For Dan: He and Emma have no history

Learning everything there is to know about your partner is one of the most exciting things about a new relationship. Since Emma's come back to live in a town where half the population remembers her from her most awkward years, she probably feels some relief in dating someone who doesn't have a library of embarrassing stories about her to call upon.

Pro For Dan: He's trusting

Emma sends Dan's call to voicemail and blows off their plans because she's playing a videogame with Mark; when she apologizes the next day for not having called back, she lies that she fell asleep after a sugar crash -- a tale Dan readily accepts.

Con For Dan: He's too trusting?

"Eating a bunch of candy" and then falling asleep does sound like the sort of thing Emma might do, but still, it's a pretty sketchy reason to miss a date just a few weeks into a relationship. Look alive, Dan.

Con For Dan: He's not immune to other women's charms

Okay, don't actually look alive, Dan. Look away.

Con For Mark: Birdbones

As the episode ends, Tina shows up outside Maggie's to do her own ostentatious workout.

Yes, there is Prancercise. It's a reminder not just that Mark has the most high-maintenance ex in history, but that Emma and Maggie are her only friends. I'm not an expert like Mark, but I think I've found another beehive.