Cottonelle
Cottonelle Takes Its Nosy Fecal Questions To The Gym
Have you ever been trying to squeeze in a workout only for some weird British lady to get in your face and ask you all about your ass-wiping routine? These people have.
"If you're going to make a beeline across a gym floor while I have my butt pointed at the ceiling to ask me for specifics on my toilet habits, then I, in turn, am going to have to ask you if you came over because you have reason to believe they are inadequate. Please...please tell me."
"Ha ha, ha ha ha, I'm laughing because I want this to stop but in my day, we didn't think ladies even knew about feces until they changed their first baby's diaper, ha ha ha."
"I'm a normal person so I wipe with toilet paper. Then, because my stool is so full of protein, I scoop it out of the toilet with a special colander I bought and I use it to fertilize my garden. Like I said -- normal."
"Jerry. Jerry! Did that blonde with the TP come talk to you? What'd you tell her? Nothing about that special paper they give us at the Masonic lodge, right?"
"What's she asking, why we love Zumba?"
"No, Sheila."
"She wants to become an instructor?"
"She's talking about how we wipe our behinds."
"...In class?"
"No, she-- No, Sheila."
"I use whatever my wife-- my ex-wife put in the bathroom. Or I did, until she left. I don't actually know what brand she used to buy, but none of the ones I've tried feels right and I just wish I had told her how much I appreciated her selection while I still could. She did so much I never thanked her for and now it's too late. [sobs] Oh God. Mary Ann! Come back to me!!!"
"I SAID NO THANK YOU."