Screen: Behr
Painting-Enthusiast Dancer Couple Seeks Third
You knew those dancing painters in the Behr ad were a couple of frrrrrrreaks, and now you have proof: their totally real (made-up) online-dating profile!
| Names: | Billy; Clover. |
| Ages: | 33; 31. |
| Occupations: | Running social media for a microbrewery. |
| Heights: | 6'3"; 5'2". |
| Weights: | 190 lbs.; 105 lbs. |
| Location: | Brooklyn, NY. |
| Education: | Dropped out of Brown in junior year to travel southeast Asia together. |
| Seeking: | An open-minded third. |
| For: | Acrobatic, painty ménages à trois. |
| About Us: | Though we make our living as a pair of digital rock stars handling social branding for one of Brooklyn's top 600 microbreweries, our real passions are painting our walls and modern dance, which we do, simultaneously, about five nights a week. Keeping all our windows sealed up tight means we get stoned off the fumes, and then ravage each other sexually until the lack of oxygen to our brain cells causes us to pass out. But lately, we've discovered that neither of us is getting his or her erotic needs met by just one partner, so we're looking to welcome an adventurous third into our lovemaking. |
| About You: | You are prepared to explore all facets of human sexuality without reservation or judgment while absolutely covered in Behr paint. |
| In Relationships, We... | ...enthusiastically support one another's choices even when they're dorky or overly performative. But our commitment to one another has not been without its consequences, which is why we've been forced to seek this relationship enhancement online rather than from our circle of acquaintances: we don't have very many friends because people we've hung out with find us to be a real exhausting chore. |
| On Our First Date, We'd... | ...buy a can of that new Essential Teal and get it all over you. (And all over that accent wall in our ensuite.) |
| Contact Us If... | ...you love instrumental GarageBand's license-free funk and are not allergic to turpentine. |