Secret Agent Mensch

Know When To Walk Away

Situation: Philip and Elizabeth having lost track of Baklanov in the last episode when a lady agent spirited him away in their car, now they have to deal with the lady agent's partner.

What Makes It Awkward? This guy is their enemy; Elizabeth kicked the shit out of him such that it seems like he can barely walk; oh great, here come the cops.

How is order restored? When the cops stop to ask the trio if they heard anything, Philip and Elizabeth suggest that their buddy just had too much to drink...and he gamely plays along by singing a few bars of "The Gambler," which is floating out of a nearby bar. After all, it's not in his best interest to get himself or the Jenningses arrested and draw scrutiny on their whole operation, so: good job, spies!

Loose Lips Sink Relationships

Martha thinks she's just leaving Clark another message about this job application. But, of course...someone else hears it before Clark does.

Spy vs. Spy vs. America

Alert Type: Bargaining Chip Alert.

Issue: While Arkady tries to organize an emergency extraction (and Oleg tries to weasel his way into the operation), Philip sits on the other spy.

Complicating Factors: This safe house is a total shithole; Claudia's replacement seems green; the agent, who is Mossad (as was the lady agent, who was also Baklanov's girlfriend, which I totally missed last week), can't stop needling Philip about the Soviet Union and what Philip must miss about it now that he's here, being a super-fancy "platinum" spy; this Mossad guy is also pretty sure Israel will sacrifice him rather than jeopardize any of their operations.

Resolution: As Philip predicts, Israel and the Soviet Union do hammer out a deal....

Spoiler: ...but everyone's kind of a dick about it, and the complications only get more complicated.

Sandra's Still In A Cult

Poor dumb Stan comes trudging home to find Sandra perfectly content, sketching; she cheerfully explains, "Drawing helps you find the parts of yourself that you lost." Stan is like, is this some of your very cool est stuff? Sweetie? That I'm interested in? But apparently this isn't est; it's something totally different called "soul retrieval" that she...heard about from a friend at est. Fortunately, then Stan gets a call about Baklanov's disappearance and can't hear more about soul retrieval, what a drag, byeeeeeeeeeee!

The Handler Needs Hand-Holding

Speaking of Claudia's replacement: let's meet Claudia's replacement!

Ladies' Night!!!

Alert Type: Girl Talk Alert.

Issue: Martha is going to get suspicious if Clark keeps ignoring her messages.

Complicating Factors: Clark can't very well come deal with her when he's sitting on Mossy Mosserman back at the safe house. (Sorry. But he never gets a name!)

Resolution: "Jennifer," Clark's sister, comes by to cover for Clark, saying that she's heard all the messages on Clark's machine, and that he forgot he was supposed to bring her over to Martha's for dinner while she was in town, but then he left and just forgot, and Clark's not a bad guy but he just doesn't think, he's so frustrating! After killing a bottle of wine with Jennifer and starting another, Jennifer gets around to suggesting that maybe Martha shouldn't mention her marriage to Clark on her job application, and Martha immediately backs down...and then starts rhapsodizing about what an animal Clark is in bed. Jennifer's like, oh? and Martha's all, "He just makes me his."

Spoiler: Drunk-ass Martha very well may not remember that this night even happened.

This Guy Just Can't Stop With The Social Commentary!

While Philip deals directly with Mossad in the person of Agent Mosserman, Arkady handles the negotiation and judges other nationalities' ethics.

Mosserman vs. Philip

Well, the uncomfortable time has come when Mosserman has to use the toilet. And rather than just telling him to soil his pants like someone would IF HE HAD HIS EYE ON THE PRIZE, Philip leads him to an absolutely filthy bathroom and then obliges by pulling his pants down for him so that he can shit. (Gooshily.) When he asks Philip to help him wipe (!), Philip does (!!!), and when he's pulling Mosserman's pants back up, Mosserman knees Philip in the goolies and then takes the lid off the toilet tank and tries to use it as a weapon, even with his wrists bound. They grapple for a few moments, but given that Philip has full use of all his limbs, he comes out ahead. "Sorry," says Mosserman a bit sheepishly. "You know I had to try."

Winner: Philip, eventually, but it's not exactly a fair fight.

Of Jewish Extraction

Who called the meeting? Arkady.

What's it about? The emergency extraction, so that some of the location planning has been done before the deal is actually made.

How'd it go? Ugh, fucking annoying. Arkady's just trying to hear options, and Oleg can't stop contradicting Arkady in front of all his staff and being all "I'm the senior officer on this operation after you" this and "I happen to be very skilled at countersurveillance" that. Oleg wants to be there for the exfiltration and Arkady's like, no. OLEG = WORST.

Bye Bye Braddie

Brad is a great boyfriend: he has a copy of that Larrick guy's whole file for Elizabeth (or whatever he thinks her name is)! So naturally, she takes it and immediately dumps him. While she's learning how to feel things again, he'll be learning how to feel bereft and/or like a chump, thanks to her.

Counter-Intel Intel

Who called the meeting? Stan.

What's it about? The Baklanov situation.

How'd it go? Stan's been working on figuring out what happened with Baklanov for hours -- he even brought the sidelined Gaad back in to try to work his contacts at the DoD to try to find out what Baklanov might have been working on that would make him a high-value target, to no avail -- so he's pretty anxious as he asks Nina if there's been any talk at the Rezidentura about an operation to grab a scientist. She tells him about a fight between Oleg and Arkady, and how she heard Oleg say "We let him go, we can take him back." Stan, frustrated and confused, asks if Oleg has replaced Arkady, and Nina reports on Oleg's having dismissed Arkady for thinking "like a bureaucrat" and that the Soviets won't beat the Americans that way. This doesn't seem to advance Stan's investigation at all, but apparently it's the best he can do at the moment, so: let's say the meeting goes fine?

Philip and Mosserman are discussing their homelands (Mosserman: "You like Communism? Come to Israel, it works much better there) and hot vs. cold weather when they're interrupted by the arrival of Kate! Does she have a new safe house for Philip? He doesn't need one! Israel made a deal!

Stan tells Gaad what Nina told him about Oleg! He thinks Oleg might be cocky enough to lead them exactly where they need to go to witness the exfiltration!

So when Oleg pulls out of the Rezidentura, Gaad and Stan and some other FBI guy coordinate his tail over their radios!

In an alley someplace, Mossad trades Baklanov for Mosserman! Baklanov is blindfolded and has no idea whom he's being handed off to! He is terrified!

Once Philip's got him in the car, Baklanov tries to plead for his life using all the tactics he can think of! First, he tries to shame Philip by comparing his order-following attitude to Eichmann's! Then he tries offering to work for the Soviets while remaining in the U.S.! He'll put them on the Arpanet! Then he just begs: "Please don't send me back there! Please don't send me back! Please!" LATER STILL, he tries bargaining: what if the Soviets just let him stay in the U.S. for three more months? That's when his son is having his bar mitzvah! His wife and son will think Baklanov's died! "They'll never know!" He begs Philip to look at him, but Philip is a rock! Baklanov sobs! "No feeling, no humanity, you might as well be dead!" Guy, GET IT TOGETHER AND HAVE SOME DIGNITY, YOU MAKE INVISIBLE PLANES!

Elizabeth's in the Secret Basement Of Spycraft looking at Larrick's file when Paige comes down to try to make peace about religion! She explains that she's not interested in God because of anything Elizabeth's done wrong: it's just about what she describes as her "crazy life": "I don't know where to put everything." Elizabeth's like, ...what? Paige is like, forget it: "It's just-- It's not your fault. That's all." I think it kind of is?

Stan follows Oleg's car all the way to the Port Of Baltimore, but when he gets out of the car, there's no exfiltration! Oleg totally lured him there on purpose! Oleg says that no one else at the Rezidentura knows that Stan is working Nina, and as a "budding student of capitalism," Oleg thinks that maybe he and Stan can work out some kind of arrangement. What can Stan give Oleg in exchange for Nina's safety? Stan is stunned, so Oleg promises, "We'll talk again"!!!

Two burly Russians lead Baklanov away! Philip seems like he doesn't feel great about his part in this whole thing!

Arkady kicks back with some scotch and a smoke and listens to the news: apparently, the Soviet Union just gave permission for 15,000 refuseniks to immigrate to Israel! HUH!

Baklanov wakes up, regards the handcuff that has him chained to a ship railing, presumably regrets many if not all of his life's choices!

A weary Philip trudges home! Elizabeth, asleep on the couch, wakes up and tells him she spent the night with Clark's wife, and that he has some explaining to do! Philip, defeated: "I'll let him know." There's talk about Russian icicles and swordfights with same, and then the kids wake up and Paige starts yelling about some top she needs and it's ANOTHER DAY IN THE LIFE OF THE SUPER-SECRET SPIES BUT AT LEAST THEY'RE NOT SHACKLED TO A RAILING ON THEIR WAY BACK TO ICICLE-LAND!!!!!