How Long Before The Shine Went Off The Goldbergs?

New Show Attempted: The Goldbergs.

Premise: In the '80s, members of a family get on one another's nerves. Periodically, the youngest kid shoots them with a video camera.

How Far I Expected To Get: I like Jeff Garlin a lot (I've already praised his podcast), and since he plays family patriarch Murray, I was looking forward to hearing a lot of his superlative comedy yelling. I also like Wendi McLendon-Covey, who plays wife/mom Beverly, a role with its own potential for enjoyable craziness. (George Segal and the kids -- eh.)

How Far I Did Get

7:03

What Did It: As Murray, Garlin met and exceeded my expectations. ("Who runs like that? What, are we having a drag race?") And McLendon-Covey has a pretty hilarious moment getting overcome with emotion as her eldest son Barry (Troy Gentile), who's just turned sixteen, opens what he thinks is car keys but is actually a locket with her photo in it. Things are chugging along nicely...and then along comes Segal as "Pops" Solomon, Beverly's father. The first thing he does is give Barry his old car, Pops having just bought himself a Thunderbird, complete with enormous logo on the hood. (Murray: "What's with the bird car?") Then Adam (Sean Giambrone), the youngest kid (and, from the future -- where he's voiced by Patton Oswalt -- our narrator) joins Pops at "The House Of Waffles" (come on) for a discussion of "the finer things." Pops: "And you can't just go in and honk 'em. It's all about the cuppage. Be gentle: those puppies are sensitive!" Okay, the Horny Grandpa archetype is revolting enough, but then we cut to Adam, who says, "I just wanna bury my face in 'em!" This is Adam:

TOO YOUNG TO BE TALKING ABOUT BURYING HIS FACE IN BOOBS.

Worth Taking A Run At It? I'm not going to sit here and say that Garlin and McLendon-Covey aren't dealing with kind of hacky material; I am saying they sell it so well that the first six Segal-free minutes were enough to make me want to hang in to the end -- and maybe watch another episode. But the horny grandpa/horny nine-year-old one-two punch...I just couldn't go on. If I hear that Segal's role has become more marginal (and a smaller role for Giambrone would help too), maybe I'll tune back in later in the season. Much later. Like 2014.

Furthermore: you have a kid named Adam Goldberg who narrates events as his older self and you DON'T lock down the actor Adam Goldberg? How did ABC not make that a condition for a series pickup?!