Alicia Florrick In: The Invention Of Lying

Should Auld Acquittals Be Forgot

Alicia's just spent what is apparently her first full day of unemployment trying to fill the hours -- talking to the ghostwriter who's apparently going to help her write her memoirs; planing a door in her kitchen (a...door to what? And why does she even own a plane?); running out to a hardware store for supplies only to get a dirty look from the clerk; pouncing on Grace the second she comes home...for a second, before heading back out again. Again again, if this is a real problem people have, I'm more than happy to teach a seminar in how to be lazy. Step 1: acquire a large dog who'll spend five-plus hours in bed with you watching TV (literally exactly what I did yesterday). Anyway, when she's left alone in the evening, she figures she might as well pour a glass or five of red wine and start making thank-you calls to her campaign donors, per Eli's request, which is how she ends up on the phone with a Brett Tatro. Except he never gave money to her campaign: he just called her campaign office because calling her at her firm wasn't getting him anywhere. It seems as though Tatro was a client of hers back in 2009; at the time, she got him acquitted on charges of attempted murder. But now that the victim in that case has actually died from the injuries that Tatro, legally speaking, was not responsible for, the SA has charged him again -- and because now the charge is actual murder, not attempted murder, double jeopardy does not apply. CAN ALICIA PLEASE HELP HIM?! Alicia is moved by his plight, but as he apparently doesn't know, her election scandal has rendered her useless, worthless -- subhuman, really -- so she's going to try to line up someone else to take his case who isn't walking garbage.

Disgrace Under Fire

Is Finn the respectable lawyer who can save Brett Tatro from prison?! No. He is, however, Alicia's personal Dr. Phil.

Use The Dining Room Table?

Rather than balance a door (A DOOR TO WHAT, WE STILL DON'T KNOW) on a couple of chairs and some books? It's...right there? And it's not like your humiliated ass is going to be throwing any dinner parties any time soon.

Beating The Beating Rap

Alert Type: Basically Double Jeopardy Alert.

Issue: Tatro's being charged with beating one Jeff Garrix most of the way to death several years ago, when Tatro was a bouncer working security on behalf of some strippers from the club where they worked when they worked a bachelor party at a hotel, and Garrix was one of the party guests.

Complicating Factors: Though Tatro has always maintained his innocence -- and, in fact, there was another bouncer at the club, a Daniel Cain, who probably did it -- there are problems with Tatro's version of the story. For one thing, Lexie, a stripper who provided Tatro's alibi back in 2009 (saying he was in her dressing room at the time of Garrix's beating), has subsequently died, and the fact that it was from a drug overdose only helps support Cain's claim on the stand that she alibied Tatro back then because Tatro was her drug dealer.

Resolution: Tatro admits to Alicia that he was a dealer then, and he was in the parking lot at the time of the beating, but it was only to get drugs for a stripper named Dakota...

Spoiler: ...which means the baby lawyer for whom Alicia's officially serving as second chair is going to learn some tough lessons about following the absolute letter of the law.

THE REUNION GOOD WIFE FANS HAVE WAITED LIKE FIFTY EPISODES TO SEE

As Alicia goes back through the old case materials, she happens upon what seems to have been the first-ever invitation offered by Kalinda to take Alicia out for drinks, AND THEN WE SEE THEM AT DRINKS. I know it's not the season finale yet, but if this was the scene that their long separation was supposed to pay off with, as promised: WEAK.

Barely Legal

The Way We Were

Since Cary's been kind of weird on the phone in previous scenes in which Alicia's asked him to supply old files or remind her of various points in their investigation, it's nice that he actually brings her his two personal boxes of case files himself and stays for some wine and a friendly chat. After reminiscing about what they were like then -- how horrified she was by the ways he was willing to ooze around legal procedure to get the result he wanted, and how competitive he was with her in pursuit of the one job that was going to be available for one or other of them to get at the end of their first year at Lockhart Gardner -- and talking about whether Alicia still thinks of the law as something good (she's now more inclined to regard it as "neutral," as I guess I would be too after the person who was supposed to be representing my interests totally sold me out like Randolph just did to her), the subject turns, of course, to Kalinda. They compare notes on whether they actually got a goodbye -- which we know neither of them did, but we also don't find out what Kalinda wrote in her farewell card to Alicia, which also may be something that's getting held back until the finale? Anyway: these two are still cool with each other, which is nice to see.

"I Said, 'WINK!'"

Once Tatro confesses to Alicia that he was in the parking lot to get drugs for Dakota, she and Amber can no longer rest their case on her fraudulent alibi, right? Wrong! Strap in, Baby Lawyer, it's time to see how much someone in your position can actually get away with!

A Hardy Boy Mystery Story

Situation: Finn creeps into the courtroom to support Alicia just in time for testimony from a Mr. Houston, who worked at the gas station across the street from the strip club at the time of Garrix's beating, but whose report to a certain Det. Hardy back then was never part of the evidence in Tatro's original trial.

What makes it awkward? Finn knows why it probably didn't get in, and tells Alicia over lunch: when he worked in the SA's office, he was told not to put too much stock into any evidence that had passed through Hardy's hands, because he was known to be "old school" and did sketchy shit to make sure he got the results he wanted, like covering a face in a photo lineup or the like. He also tells Alicia that Hardy was the subject of an IAD investigation that ended up being inconclusive...which she brings up when she questions Hardy on the stand the next day, for which she gets yelled at by Brody because such investigations are supposed to be confidential, and by Judge Dunaway when she won't say how she even knows about the investigation in the first place.

How is order restored? Alicia finds a scapegoat who wouldn't mind getting used by Alicia for this purpose.

Dear Mister President, I Call Shenanigans On The Blocking In This Second Alicia/Kalinda Exchange. I Am Not A Crackpot!

Before we bring things to a close, we get one more scene of Past Alicia expressing her reservations about strippers lying for Brett, and Kalinda saying that no one ever tells "the full truth," and that if Alicia believes that Tatro is innocent, then it's her duty to do whatever's legal to help him escape a guilty verdict; it ends with the two of them toasting to "experience."

Except, Alicia and Kalinda don't actually clink glasses because I'm pretty sure they're not actually shooting this scene in the same place at the same time at all. We never get a shot of them sitting together; it's head-and-shoulders shots of each of them in turn, possibly talking to their scene partner's stand-ins, or a tennis ball on the end of a broom handle or something. If this were another long-awaited moment in which both characters were actually side by side again, wouldn't there be at least ONE two-shot that proved to us they really and truly are sitting side by side again, like they did all the time back in the day?! This is fakey fakery, I'm sure of it! I am NOT a crackpot!

After taking down all the grisly crime scene photos off the dainty floral prints in the dining room, Alicia apologizes to Grace for making her have to see them, but Grace is cool with it -- she's relieved that Alicia's working again because she knows Alicia's happier when she's on a case, and worries about her moping around at home with nothing to do because Alicia sucks at it! ALICIA JUST NEEDS MORE PRACTICE! Alicia comments that she's thinking of starting her own firm, and taking only cases involving people she wants to help! "Can you make money doing that?" asks Grace, hilariously! Alicia says she'd have to work out of the apartment for a while, and when Grace asks if she means the dining room, Alicia gets an idea...

...and we slam into a montage of Alicia and Grace clearing all Zach's shit out of his room so she can repurpose it as her office! Grace offers to be Alicia's secretary: conveniently, she's supposed to line up an internship for her senior year, and this could be it! Then Zach calls, answering a voicemail Alicia had left him earlier because having heard him rehearse an old report on Aung San Suu Kyi has made Alicia realize she no longer hates his guts! He's happy to have heard from her and is thinking of coming home tomorrow night! Alicia looks around the empty room that used to be his! Cue the sad trombone of Zach's bed's out on the curb!

Alicia is ready to tell everyone who told her about the IAD investigation into Hardy...and says it was Kalinda! Brody knows it's bullshit, since Kalinda's fled the jurisdiction and they have no way of making her confirm or deny Alicia's claim! But the judge, who is probably also unconvinced by Alicia's claim, sustains the defense's motion to dismiss anyway! Alicia wins! Finn told her to not fail and it totally worked! "I wanna learn from you!" squeals Amber. "No, you don't," sighs Alicia. Enjoy your cotton candy visions of justice while you can, little girl!

And then Alicia meets Finn in a bar to celebrate that her crisis of confidence is over! But that's not all! She's starting a new firm! ...Again! This time she's only going to take cases she believes in! At least for, like, a week or two! And hey, would Finn like to come work with her? Alicia, are you really sure this is even the kind of "work" you actually want this face to do?!